Owls are night-time birds with big round eyes that make them look like they know all your secrets. They can turn their heads almost all the way around, which feels a little spooky if you think about it too long. Silent wings, sharp eyesight, and a serious stare make owls both fascinating and slightly funny.
Owl jokes take that serious stare and flip it into something silly. Instead of being mysterious hunters, they become comedy stars with their name and habits turned into playful word tricks. These jokes work because owls look wise, but in the world of humor, they sound wonderfully ridiculous.
Best Owl Jokes
What do you call an owl who watches children?
A hootin-nanny.
What’s the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can’t hit, the other hoots but can’t sh…
An owl was delivering three letters. It lost one of its letters.
Ow.
The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.
Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that’s where we get the term Inca-hoots.
What does a pretentious owl say?
“Whom whom.”
What do you call an owl with a PhD?
Doctor who.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Owls.
(Owls who?)
They certainly do!
What kind of hairpiece does Harry Potter wear?
A hedwig.
What do you call an owl with laser eyes?
A HOOray!
How long does an owl live?
Six and a half books.
Recommended: Adult Owl Jokes
What do you call sending an owl to Harry Potter’s godfather?
Blackmail.
What is a wealthy owls favorite type of nut?
Cash hoos!
A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.
“Your Honor,” the hunter said, “I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I’ll never do it again.”
“You’ve committed a very serious crime,” the judge replies. “But you clearly weren’t aware of the law, so I’m willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I’m going to ask you to do one thing.”
“Anything, Your Honor,” the hunter replies. “What is it?”
The judge says, “It’s been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?”
The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, “It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor.”
There’s an owl outside, and we’ve been talking for around 20 minutes.
Mostly about who’s who.
A bird bit me.
Owl.
What do you call an owl fart?
A hoot.
Recommended: Good Night Jokes
How do you tell a rich owl from a poor owl?
One says who while the other says whom.
Me: “Someone we know is possessed by an owl.”
Friend: “Who?”
Me: [narrows eyes]
Imagine how happy barn owls were…
when people finally started making barns.
Which president’s favorite animal was an owl?
Herbert Hoover.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Cargo.
(Cargo who?)
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.
What did the owl say after putting the Santa hat on?
“HOO HOO HOO!”
Did you hear about the cursed night bird that lives in the reservoir?
Well owl be damned.
What do you call a VIP ticket to an ornithology convention?
An owl-access pass.
Recommended: Skeleton Jokes
An owl told me a joke.
It was a hoot.
Which bird is always getting hurt?
The owl.
An owl is sitting at the top of its very own pine tree.
One day, the tree starts violently shaking. He looks down and sees an elephant at the bottom starting to climb the tree.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Asks the owl.
“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just coming up to eat some apples,” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no apples up here,” says the owl.
The elephant says, “I, brought my own”.
What do you call a religious owl?
A bird of pray.
What’s an owl’s favorite drink?
Hoot beer!
There’s an owl outside and we’ve been talking for around 20 minutes.
Mostly about who’s who.
What do you call a baby owl that gets caught in a light rain?
A moist owlet.
Why do owls never go on dates when it’s raining?
They get too wet to woo.
Recommended: Peacock Jokes
What species is ineligible to join the parliament of owls?
Strix varia. They’re barred owls.
What’s an owl’s favourite beverage?
Hoot chocolate.
An owl gets thirsty during his evening flight. He spots a group of 13 male owls hanging out in a tree and approaches them.
“Hey, I’m thirsty”, he hoots, “Know any good bars around here to get a drink?”
“No”, they hoot back, “But we’re thirsty too. We’ll go searching for a place to drink with you!”
They fly around together in the dark of night looking for a bar, but unfortunately, all the places they go are shut. Instead, they come across a group of 10 female owls sitting in a tree. The male owls approach them.
“Hey, ladies, do you know any good bars around here to get a drink?”
The group of lady owls says they do not, but accept the invitation to go looking with the group of male owls.
After some more flying in the dark, they spot a bar in the middle of nowhere. The lights inside the building are on and the door is open. The owls tentatively walk through the entrance and there is a barman behind the bar, but no customers.
“Hey, is this bar open?” they hoot in unison.
“Yes!” replies the barman, “This bar is open 24 owls.”
What do you call an owl that has armor on?
A knight owl.
What’s an owl’s favourite dessert?
A Tiramis hoo.
What is the owl’s favorite school subject?
Owlgebra.
Why don’t night owls ever cry at funerals?
They just aren’t mourning people.
What’s the most common type of Owl?
A teatowl!
Recommended: Duck Jokes
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah. Three weeks later, an Owl walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Owls mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the Owl. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
What’s more amazing than a talking Owl?
A spelling bee!
How do people know that owls are smarter than chickens?
Ever heard of KFO?!
If you’re not an early bird or a night owl, what are you?
A noon loon.
What’s an owl’s favourite dessert?
Mice cream!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Who?
(Who who?)
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to knock on the house of an owl.
What did the Owl say to the Cat?
“Mee-Owl.”
What do you call an owl who’s bad at hide and seek?
A spotted owl!
What do you call delinquent owls?
Hoo-ligans.
Recommended: Penguin Jokes
Why do owls get invited to parties?
Because they’re a HOOT!
What do you call a bird who’s a scientific genius?
Owl-bert Einstein!
A man and his pet Owl walk into a bar.
It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.” So, the man says, “One more for me… and one more for my Owl.”
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Owl falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.”
To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a Owl.”
Why was the lonely owl looking for a friend?
He didn’t like being owl alone.
How does an owl say, “Everything is fine.”?
“It’s owl good.”
What did mother owl say to their child?
You go and play, owl watch from here!
What do you call a nocturnal bird that preys on bulges?
An OwOwl.
What’s the scientific term for an owl’s beak?
Hoo nose.
Recommended: Turkey Jokes
What happens when you cross an owl with an oyster?
You get a pearl of wisdom!
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like an Owl sitting next to him. “Are you an Owl?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?”
The Owl replied, “Well, I liked the book.”
Why do owls not mate when it’s raining?
Toowet Towoo.
Why did the Owl call IT?
For his troubles hooting.
What did the boxing owl do when they gave up?
They threw in the t-owl!
What is an owl’s favorite board game?
Guess Who?
What kind of owl can you find by the shower?
A towel.
What do you call an owl that changes things through magic?
An owl-chemist!
Which holiday do owls love most?
OWL-oween.
Recommended: Halloween Jokes
Why shouldn’t you trust fake owls?
Because they tell you false-hoots.
An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year.
But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn’t know the victims’ names.
Why do boy owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son!
What’s an owl’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent flight!
What do you get when you cross an owl with a fish?
A Waterfowl.
Do you have a funny Owl Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
I’m getting an owl tattoo…
Who’s gonna stop me? Who? Who!?
How did the owls know how to make owl sounds at exactly the same time?
They were in co-hoots!