Some people are so ugly, even mirrors take a break when they walk by. But let’s be honest, ugly isn’t just about looks; it’s also about having the confidence to walk around like you’re the main character in a superhero movie… with a melted mask. Ugly jokes started because folks needed a way to laugh without pointing fingers too seriously. And let’s face it, when you hear a good ugly joke, you’re not thinking of just one person, you’re thinking of your whole friend group.
These jokes don’t need high fashion or a six-pack; they thrive on wild haircuts, weird teeth, and a level of boldness only found in school hallways and WhatsApp groups. The best part? The ugliest ones are often the first to laugh the loudest.
Best Ugly Jokes
Always marry an ugly woman; a beautiful one will leave you.
An ugly one will too, but you just won’t care as much.
A woman is standing, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible;
I look old, fat, and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
I wish I could be ugly for one day.
Being ugly every day sucks.
Why should you never get into fights with ugly people?
They have nothing to lose.
Me: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
You: “To get to the other side?”
Me: “No, to get to the ugly dude’s house.”
Wait a few seconds…
Me: “Knock, knock.”
You: “Who’s there?”
Me: “The chicken.”
Cashier: scans condoms
“Do you need a bag, sir?”
Me: “Jesus, she’s not that ugly.”
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
Why are Scandinavian girls so good looking?
Because the Vikings didn’t take the ugly ones.
Recommended: Yo Mama So Ugly Jokes
If someone gave you $1000 because “you are ugly”, would you take the money?
Absolutely! I’m ugly, not stupid.
Two women go to heaven and meet St. Peter.
He tells them, “You can do anything you want here in heaven, but do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.”
The two women agree and enter heaven. One day, one of the women accidentally steps on a duck. Sure enough, it makes a terrible noise. Shortly after, St. Peter arrives with an ugly man, chains him to the woman, and walks away. She sadly walks off with the ugly man.
The other woman is shocked and becomes extra careful not to step on a duck. After a long time, St. Peter comes to her with a handsome man and chains him to her. She blushes and says excitedly, “I’m not sure what I did to get chained to you, but this is great!”
The handsome man looks at her and replies, “I’m not sure either… all I did was step on a duck.”
Kid: “Mom, am I ugly?”
Mom: “I told you not to call me mom in public.”
I have 4 eyes, 2 mouths and 5 ears. What am I?
Ugly.
A man is buying a banana, an apple, and two eggs. The female cashier says, “You must be single.”
The man answers, “Wow, how did you know?”
The Cashier says, “Because you’re ugly.”
Yo mama so ugly, when she sits on her phone, it unlocks.
A woman called me ugly until she found out how much money I make.
Now she’s calling me ugly and poor.
My wife from Chernobyl used to be an “ugly duckling”.
Until she had her glow up.
Two guys are in a bar complaining how they can’t pick up any woman.
When one points at a man sitting alone at the table. “Look at that ugly mug. We are both better looking, have nicer clothes, and more money. Yet every night he takes a woman home, sometimes two at the same time.”
“True that!” agrees his friend, “we try to talk to girls, get them interested in us. He does none of that, he just sits there the entire evening, licking his eyebrows.”
You’re so ugly that I’m going to have to stop drinking.
Just in case I start seeing two of you…
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
An eyesaur.
Recommended: You’re So Ugly Jokes
A woman goes to the doctor. The Doctor tells her, “I’m afraid you have cancer…”
The woman is enraged and says, “I don’t believe you, I want a second opinion.”
The doctor says, “Ok, you’re ugly as well.”
Yo mama so ugly, when she stared into the abyss, the abyss looked away.
How do you kindly tell someone their baby is ugly?
He looks just like you!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.
Don’t worry I’ll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
The beautiful people have been oppressive for far too long!
Ugly people are revolting!
If you’re ugly in the UK, you can be ‘laid’ in France.
laid(french) = ugly in english.
An ugly man walks into a bar, and a beautiful woman approaches him.
The woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?” and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with a view of the whole city.
Within seconds, they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex, they finally finish. They both put their clothes on, and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says, “I’m a prostitute and it’s going to be 100 dollars for my service.”
The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him. He gives her the money, and they both sit there awkwardly.
The woman tells him that she is ready to leave, and the man replies, “I’m a taxi driver, and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back.”
What’s ugly but happy?
A frog.
Why did the king slaughter the ugly rebels?
Because they were revolting!
Your mama so ugly, the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask.
Recommended: Big Head Jokes
Did you know that Camouflage clothing is so ugly?
It’s no wonder you don’t see anyone wearing it.
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they’ve experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Paradise.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first person what their wish is.
“I want to be gorgeous,” they say. God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second person hears this and says, “I want to be gorgeous too.” Another snap—wish granted.
This continues down the line, with each person wishing to be beautiful. But when God is halfway through the line, the last guy at the end starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, he’s rolling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably.
Finally, God reaches him and asks, “What will your wish be?”
The guy calms down, wipes his tears, and says, “Make ’em all ugly again.”
What sexual position makes ugly babies?
Idk, ask your parents.
A coworker told me that I’m fat, stupid, and ugly.
I told him that I’m not ugly.
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror, your reflection walked away.
What do you call an ugly video game designer?
Hideous Kojima.
This girl came home and said to her father, “Dad, I’d like you to meet my new boyfriend, Mike.”
“Are you kidding me?!” he said, “What the fuck are you doing with this ugly loser? Don’t scrape the barrel, you can do much better than this.”
“Dad!!” the daughter screamed, “Mike is lovely!”
“I know,” the father replied. “I was talking to him.”
Where does extra virgin olive oil come from?
Really ugly olives.
Recommended: Big Nose Jokes
Yo mama so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work with him every day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
What do you call an ugly c*ck in a fairy tale?
An Ugly Dickling.
A man was sunbathing naked on the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A women walks past and says, snickering, “If you were a gentleman, you’d lift your hat.”
He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly, it would lift itself.”
Caskets are so ugly.
I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.
Want to lose ten pounds of ugly weight?
Cut off your head!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to prom?
Because he was fat, ugly, and no one liked him.
An ugly woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, “Good morning, ma’am, and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?”
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, “Hell no, they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would u think they’re twins? One is tall, the other is short, and they don’t look anything like each other! Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?”
The clerk replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid ma’am, I just can’t believe someone would f*ck you twice!”
How do you make 10 pounds of ugly fat attractive?
Put a nipple on it.
Your mama so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application.
Recommended: Big Forehead Jokes
Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease, and only an old, ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young, handsome knight for a husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her.
On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice: she could be old and ugly during the day, and young and beautiful at night, or vice versa. Galahad told her that he respected her choice over her appearance and she can decide that.
The witch was pleased, as Galahad knew what a woman wanted the most, is freedom over her body. She told Galahad that she would be a beautiful wife all the time.
The moral of the story is that no matter how good your wife looks, she is still a witch underneath.
According to my wife, I’m a terrible dad for not treating my kids equally.
I just don’t understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.
Beauty is only skin deep… but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
What was Rapunzel’s ugly twin sister named?
Repugnant.
Why do so many ugly people take selfies for their dating profile in the restroom?
Because when you go to the restroom; you’re an eight.
A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say, “Ma’am, that is one ugly baby you have there!”
The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort, “Well, I … I never!”
The man continued: “I’m just being honest with you, ma’am, I mean, I’ve seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper”.
Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a flight attendant over. “The man behind me just hurled the most hideous insult at me, and I demand to be moved to a different seat!” she said.
The attendant gave her a consoling look of sympathy. “I’m so sorry, but as you know, our flight is fully booked, and until we find someone willing to switch seats, I’m afraid I won’t be able to reseat you. We do apologize, however, and if you like, in the meantime, we’d be happy to offer you anything from our in-flight menu free of charge.”
“Fine”, the woman said with an air of resignation, “but I’ve never been so insulted in all my life. What a horrible man!”
“Well, I just said the truth!” could be faintly heard from the seat behind.
Hearing that, the attendant resolved to make the woman feel better as soon as possible, telling her, “Any item of food or any alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage, whatever you choose, it’s on us,” she said.
“And if you like, I’ll also bring a banana for your comfort monkey.”
Recommended: Tall People Jokes
Why do I hate drinking coffee in front of the mirror?
Because of my ugly mug.
How do you know if you’re an ugly girl?
If you know what the drinks cost at a bar.
Yo mama so ugly, she entered a Miss America pageant and nearly lost her citizenship.
What do you call an ugly guy who is hot with a beard?
A hairy houdini.
A brutally ugly woman approached this man at the bar, squeezed his ass and said, “Give me your number, you s*xy hunk.”
He said, “Have you got a pen?”
She smiled and said, “Sure do!”
The man replied, “You’d better get back in it before your farmer notices you’re missing!”
Many people thought Cleopatra was ugly.
But that’s not how Julius Caesar.
What’s the opposite of an acute angle?
An a ugly angle!
Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?”
Boyfriend: “You’re both.”
Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”
Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”
Recommended: Short People Jokes
Have you seen the clown that hides from ugly people?
I thought not…
Yo mama so ugly, that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
Why is the chicken so ugly?
It’s got a pecker on its face.
How might you describe an ugly pr*stitute?
Whoreible.
A lady is walking down the street and sees a parrot in the window of a pet store.
She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “Hey, lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work.
The next day, she sees the same parrot in the window. When the parrot sees her, it says, “Hey, lady, you are really ugly.” She’s livid and storms off.
A day later, she sees the same parrot and once again it says, “Hey lady, my God, are you ugly!” The lady is so furious that she marches into the store and threatens to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologizes profusely and promises the bird won’t say it again.
The next day, when the lady walks past the store, the parrot says to her, “Hey, lady. Lady!” She pauses, scowls with an icy stare, and says, “Yes?” And the parrot says, “… You know…”
They should create an OnlyFans site for ugly people.
Call it MyOnlyFan.
Yo mama so ugly, even if she threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back!
A woman has sued a hospital.
She stated that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied, “All we did was correct his eyesight.”
Recommended: Skinny Jokes
A fat, ugly, cross-eyed girl came dancing up next to this man at a party.
“So, where are you from, handsome?” she smiled.
He said, “Earth, what about you?”
You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks, “Can I have some viagra, please?”
The assistant says, “Sorry, but we need some medical proof that you need it.”
The guy replies, “Will a photo of the wife do?”
I have a bumper sticker saying, “Honk if you think I’m sexy”.
Some days, I just stand at a green light till I’m feeling good about myself.
“Siri, why am I still single?”
Siri activates front camera.
“Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!”
The mother apologizes shamefacedly, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look…”
A chubbier woman says, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
Mirror replies, “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”
The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman then gave the officer her license.
“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man replied, “He said he knows you!
Being an ugly girl is like being a man…
you have to work.
Recommended: Fat People Jokes
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
It’s when the blind try to read your face.
Ordered a new handbag online. In the pictures it looked great…
But it’s really ugly in purse-on.
Voldemort is very ugly.
But he nose that already, so you don’t have to tell him.
What is Fashion?
It is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Do you have an Ugly People Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
We need to replace “that’s pretty bad” with “that’s ugly bad” because pretty is typically associated with good