60 Funny Urology Jokes And Puns for the Exam Room

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Jessica Amlee

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Urology is a branch of medicine that focuses on the urinary tracts of males and females, as well as the male reproductive system. Urologists diagnose and treat a wide range of conditions related to these areas, including urinary tract infections, kidney stones, bladder issues, and prostate problems. Don’t be fooled by the fancy title, though. Urologists deal with the underbelly of human existence, the nether regions where leaks, blockages, and malfunctions reign supreme. But fear not, readers, for amidst the gurneys and gurgle of bodily fluids, a secret weapon exists, jokes.

Yes, you read that correctly. Jokes that are so awful that your bladder quivers. Sure, it’s a niche genre, but it’s a passionate one. Urologists, bless their bladder-loving hearts, recognize the power of humor in the face of, well, faces that have just undergone a prostate exam. So the next time you find yourself smiling at a “kidney failure” pun or snorting at a “urethra” double entendre, remember: it’s urology humor, not just toilet humor. 

Best Urologist Jokes

What did the head of the Urology department say to the doctor who just got accepted?

As per a survey, 4 out of 5 urologists…
…Smell their apple juice before they drink it.

Who is a urologist’s favorite singer?
Urethra Franklin.

What did the one Urologist say to the other Urologist?
“What’s the bladder with you?”

How do you diagnose hypospadias on an EKG?
Inverted P waves.

An elderly man walks into the urologist’s office and tells the doctor his problem is ED and asks what he should do.
The doctor told him Cialis.
A couple of days later he came back saying Alice didn’t do it for him and now his wife wants a divorce.

A doctor asked his nurse why she wasn’t at the urology convention.
She said, “I watched the live stream.”

“Hello! Thanks for calling the urology department.”
Please hold.

What is a urologist’s favorite letter?

Did you hear about the urologist who judged a beauty pageant?
To each contestant, he said, “On a scale of 1 to 10, urinate.”

Recommended: Best Endoscopy Jokes

Thanos walks into his urologist’s office.
The urologist says, “Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone!”

The weather reporter at the CrossFit gym was often mistaken for a physician.
People thought he was a meaty urologist.

“The glass is half empty,” says the pessimist.
“The glass is half full,” says the optimist.
“While you dumb f*cks were arguing, I drank your water,” says the opportunist.
“That wasn’t water,” says the urologist.

What’s the difference between a phlebotomist and a urologist?
A phlebotomist pricks your finger…

What do you get a man who has everything?
A good urologist.

What did the urologist yell on the rollercoaster?

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,”’I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ‘99.’”
The guy obeys and says, “99!”
The doctor says, “Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ‘99.’”
Again, the guy says, “99.”
The doctor said, “Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand, I’m going to hold on to your p*nis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ‘99.’”
The guy begins, “One … Two … Three”…

Why did the Scotsman visit the urologist?
Because he had a wee problem.

Why was the urologist so popular?
Because he had earned the respect of his peers.

What’s the difference between a gynecologist and a urologist?
The taste of the fingers.

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An engineer accidentally took a medical school exam. See his answers:
Antibody: One who hates his body.
Artery: Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.
Bacteria: Back door of a Cafeteria.
Coma: Punctuation Mark.
Gall Bladder: Bladder of a Girl.
Genes: Blue Denim.
Labor Pain: Hurt at Work.
Liposuction: A French Kiss.
Ultrasound: Radical Sound that is above human hearing capacity, such as a wife’s talk.
Cardiology: Advanced Study of Playing Cards
Dyspepsia: difficulty in drinking Pepsi.
Chicken Pox: A Non-Veg. continental dish.
CT Scan: Test for identifying a person’s city.
Radiology- The study of how Radio works.
Parotitis: Information about the parrots.
Urology: The study of European people.

Why did the alchemist rob the hospital?
Because urology had acquired some Philosopher’s Stones.

What did the cop say to his shady urologist?
“Urine trouble!”

What do you call an old, straight man who looks at d*cks all day long?
A urologist.

Nurse: Sir, I’ve had word from the proctology department that they’re just about done with your sh*t. You need to drop by in a week so they can give you the results.
Patient: A week!? Are they taking the piss?
Nurse: No sir, that would be urology. They should be calling you tomorrow with your results.

What did the urologist say when they made a discovery?

What kind of street does a vasectomy urologist live on?
A cul-de-sac.

Why do urologists not really deal with patients from islands?
Because they deal with in-continent patients!

Doctor: Hello, first time at our urology clinic?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: And do you m*sturbate often?
Patient: Uhm, it is not bad for me now is it?
Doctor: Well, You’ll have to stop.
Patient: Why is that?
Doctor: Because I can’t check you otherwise.

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What do you call a urologist who performs reconstructive surgery?
A cocksmith.

What is another word for a urologist?
An erectrictian.

What’s the difference between a lab technician and a urologist?
A lab technician pricks your finger.

“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the doc soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”
“But Doc, I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptom she has.”
“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife now has it too.”
“Son of a bitch!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

Two Urologists were discussing the results of a scan.
“These images look very similar, but if you look closely you can see there’s a vas deferens.”

Why did the anarchist refuse to go to the urologist?
Because he refuse to be a part of anything prostate.

What’s the difference between orthopedics and urology?
You work on the other bone.

A teenager worried about having three testicles goes to a urologist. The urologist assures him that it’s nothing to worry about.
Relieved from tension, the boy goes to a stranger and says, “Did you know that there are 5 testicles among the two of us.”
The stranger says, “I’m very sorry that you have only one.”

What do you call a non-religious Urologist?
An apostate feelin’ your prostate.

What did the computer technician say to the urologist?
“It hurts when IP.”

What’s the difference between an orthopedic surgeon and a urologist?
The urologist touches someone else’s d*ck during surgery.

An 89-year-old man goes to the urologist.
“Doc,” he says, “I need a vasectomy.”
“A vasectomy? Why in the world would you need a vasectomy at your age?”
“Well doc, I just married a beautiful 22-year-old woman, and last night she told me she was pregnant! I can’t have more kids at my age!”
The doctor thought for a second and said, “Let me tell you a story. This man went out for a walk in the woods, and he saw a huge bear. The bear started charging at him. He was a goner for sure, but at the last minute he held up his fingers, went ‘bang’ and the bear fell dead from a gunshot to the head.”
The old man looked at the doc incredulously “Impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear!”
The doctor said, “I think that’s what happened in your case as well.”

Recommended: Funny Vasectomy Jokes

Did you hear about the blind urologist who had trouble finding his patient’s p*nis?
You gotta hand it to him.

What is a urologist’s favorite rap group?

A man found his d*ck all red and swollen after b*nging a hooker.
In a panic, he rushed to his family doctor to get it checked. The doctor told him there was no cure and the only way was to have it amputated.
Refusing to accept his fate, he stomped out of the clinic and went to the best urologist in his country. But even there he was told that there was no cure and had to get it amputated.
Stuck with despair, he limped out of the clinic and happened to chance upon a Chinese sensei. He thought to himself why the hell not since he already had nothing more to lose and went in to get a consultation.
“You see that’s the problem with all these western quacks. Everything also wants to chop off!” The sensei lamented.
The man let out a sigh of relief and then asked the sensei what could be done to save his pecker.
“You can just leave it alone. It will eventually fall off on its own.”

What’s the difference between hematologists and urologists?
A hematologist pricks fingers.

Why do urologists like UTIs?
It means urine business.

Why did the pepper go to the urologist?
Because he habanero urethra.

A man goes to see his urologist.
about a problem he’s having. “Well,” says the doctor, “let’s have a look at the little- Jesus Christ, that’s quite the schlong you’ve got there!” “Yeah, you see, it’s 15 inches and scares the girls away. I’d really like to have it shortened by a few.”
The urologist contemplates the man’s request shortly before answering, “You know, I’ve just the thing for you. If you really want to shave a few inches off that hammer of justice of yours, go into the woods and look for an enchanted frog. Every time he answers a question negatively, your pocket howitzer will shrink by three full inches!”
Thrilled by that news, the man, armed with a measuring tape, goes into the woods to find the frog. After hours of searching, a voice behind him croaks, “Looking for someone?” the enchanted frog! The man wastes no time and says, “Will you marry me, frog?”
“No way,” says the frog. The man goes to check his pecker behind a tree and – eureka! – see it’s 3 inches shorter. “A footlong johnson is still a bit too much,” he thinks, and asks the frog again, to the same effect. With nine inches left, he still isn’t quite content, so he walks over to the frog once more. “So, frog. Will you marry me now?”
“Goddammit, human. I told you no, no, f*cking NO!”

Did you hear about the urologist that was eaten by a bear?
He was a meteorologist.

What did the group of urologists name their band?
I See Pee.

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A man goes to a urologist and says he has a problem with his penis.
“OK, well, can you urinate, can you get an erection?”
“Sure, no problem.”
“Ermm, well how about your sex life, can you describe it to me?”
“Well, I wake up and have sex with my wife. Then I make some coffee and breakfast, and when she comes downstairs to the kitchen, I usually have sex with her again right then and there. Then I leave for work. I have a hot secretary who’s into it, so first thing at work, we have sex, once or twice. Then at lunch, I go and see my mistress. That takes about two hours, we’re at it like rabbits. Back at work, it’s the secretary again. I leave work and go home sixish, have sex with my wife, eat dinner, then go to bed. Probably sex again. Then I fall asleep. Oh, and sometimes I wake her up to have sex.”
The doctor listens to the man in disbelief.
“Ok, it would seem you are very active. I really don’t see a problem here. Why did you come to see me in the first place?”
“It hurts when I jerk off.”

Why are urologists selfish?
Because they’re all about number one.

What do you call a urologist with a TikTok account?
A DikDok.

A man comes to see a urologist.
“When is your earliest urination in the day and how regular is it?” the doctor asks him.
“Every day, at exactly 8:00, I urinate,” the man responds.
“That’s good. How about defecation? Any obstruction?”
“Every day, at exactly 8:10, I defecate, without any obstructions whatsoever,” the man responds.
“That’s good, too. But why did you come to see me, then?”
“Because I don’t wake up until 9:00!”

What’s the difference between a urologist and a podiatrist?
One is a lot more impressed if you show him a foot.

Why are urologists great at sorting out your Internet Connection?
They can get anything streaming.

What do they call a urologist in the Southern states?
A y’allogist.

The annual urology vs proctology basketball tournament ended predictably.
Urology is #1.
Proctology is #2.

Recommended: Funny Proctology Jokes

Did you hear about the urologist who got rich doing scrotal lifts for aging men?
He decided to go for the low hanging fruit.

What legitimizes urology research?
Pee’r review.

Do you have a funny joke about Urology? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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