50 Funny An*s Puns And One-Liners to Laugh Your Butt Off!

The an*s, nature’s unspoken hero and the unsung star of the digestive system is quite the character in the story of our bodies. This muscular ring, otherwise known as the VIP exit of the gastrointestinal nightclub, is where the party of digestion concludes – no re-entry allowed! It’s not the most glamorous role, but let’s face it, someone’s got to do the dirty work, and the bunghole does it with an efficiency that deserves a standing ovation, or at least some polite applause.

Often the butt of jokes (pun absolutely intended), the an*s holds a special place in the hall of comedic fame, mainly because it never fails to draw a snicker or two. Its role in polite conversation might be a bit hush-hush, but in the world of laughs, it’s a total showstopper. This sets the perfect scene for an*s puns, where the humor is just as well-rounded and full of surprises as this cheeky body part.

Best An*s Puns

1. When you say “poop” your mouth moves in the same way your an*s does. The same goes for “explosive diarrhea”.
2. There’s a nerve that runs from your eyes to your an*s called the eyenus nerve. If you pluck a hair from your a** you shed a tear.
3. An an*s gets into a fight with two guys at a bar. He r*ctum.
4. Your girlfriend’s an*s is like a 9-volt battery because even though you know you shouldn’t, sooner or later you’re going to lick it.
5. I accidentally hit a golf ball straight in my gardener’s b*tthole. It was a hole in Juan.
6. It might seem unusual to feed a horse using one’s an*s. Butt hay, who am I to judge?
7. As a lubricated finger was pushed into my an*s, I couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t any ordinary vet.
8. Never trust a person with 2 an*ses because they’re biassed.
9. My ex-boyfriend is like a prolapsed an*s. He’s an insecure a**hole.
10. Remember, it’s only real bologna if it comes from the Bologna region in a Italy. Otherwise, it’s just sparkling pig an*s.
11. Just started a job that requires me to sew two people’s an*ses together. It’s not a dream job, but it makes ends meet.
12. So many people on Grindr start a conversation with a picture of their b*tthole, and I’m just like ‘That’s not a great opening’.
13. Shout out to my b*tthole for dealing with my sh*t everyday.
14. I tried coming up with a pun combining an an*s and a potato with the punchline being prostato but it was too much of a stretch.
15. It’s amazing, when a dog licks its own an*s it’s perfectly normal. But when I do it, I get arrested for b*stiality.
16. Desperate to get laid, so I’m going to my next Halloween party dressed as a giant an*s.I hear that hot girls love having sex with a**holes.
17. A man at a pub told me that he has no an*s. I told him he’s full of sh*t.
18. A whale’s an*s can stretch up to 1,000mm wide making it the second biggest arsehole in the world after you.
19. That time I was arrested trying to hide batteries up my b*tthole. I was found guilty a**-charged.
20. I just got out of hospital because of my prolapsed an*s. It’s certainly a step up from my amateurlapsed an*s.

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21. You don’t have to wipe your an*s. It’s a planet.
22. I’ve always liked the word “b*tthole”. It just has a certain ring to it.
23. I feel sorry for an*s numbing cream. It has to deal with sensitive arseholes all the time.
24. My friend won’t stop telling me some joke about a king sticking baguettes up his an*s. It’s starting to become a royal pain in the a**.
25. For Easter, I’m going to smuggle drugs into prison with my an*s. I’m calling myself the keister bunny!
26. I recently got a cut on my an*s. It’s a real bum-deal, a total pain in the a**, and definitely makes for a sh*tty situation.
27. I would tell you all an an*s joke. Butt f*ck it.
28. If you thoroughly examine someone’s b*tthole, it is called analyzation.
29. I can’t believe there’s now jewelry you can cover your cat’s an*s with? It’s a catastrophe.
30. My girlfriend likes to get her an*s bleached or I like to put it, change her ringtone.
31. My an*s had two cars, but she rectum.
32. Opinions are like b*ttholes. It’s best to keep it to yourself unless asked!
33. I don’t think video games are bad for children. Just ask my ten-year-old son, Thomas. Or, as his online friends refer to him, “AnusBombarder69”.
34. I know a guy that got a tattoo of a CD around his an*s. Some people are disgusted by it. Personally, I don’t like to disc rim inate.
35. I want to get a tattoo of Texas around my b*tthole cause you don’t mess with Texas.
36. My girlfriend is an actress in ads for designer items to stick up one’s an*s. They’re plugs.
37. I did some meditation with a Buddha who inserted a bulb into my an*s. I felt very enlightened.
38. Yesterday was going great. I had my fist in a b*tthole till somebody said that ain’t no way to show respect for the dead!
39. If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your b*tthole to a city network of b*ttholes and that’s a huge a** connection.
40. I was arrested for having pictures of my cat’s b*tthole on my phone. They charged me with possession of kitty p*rn.
41. I’m planning to bring out a brand of clothing made from the skin between a man’s genitalia and an*s. Don’t tell your mom, it’s gonna be Goochi.
42. On the news, I read something surprising. A man inserted 14 toy horses in his an*s. Doctors described his condition as stable.
43. Yesterday, my dog was humping my leg. So stupid, had to show him where my b*tthole was.
44. Apparently, 62% of people would lick a male deer’s an*s. That’s stag ring.
45. The only difference between Uranus and ur an*s is that there’s a gap.
46. Never look a gift horse in the mouth ..or the an*s.
47. Girls are like cats. Give them too much attention and they will run away. But ignore them just the right amount and they will show you their b*tthole.
48. I asked my wife if I could see her b*tthole. She handed me a mirror!
49. Your b*tthole reminds me of Spiderman. It’s a Peter Parker.
50. Enough of the puns about an*ses, please. They stink.

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Do you have a funny pun about an*s? Write down your one-liners in the comment section below!