70 Back To School Jokes For Kids And Parents

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Jessica Amlee

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It’s a new school year which means a clean slate and a fresh jolt of confidence. During this back-to-school season, many parents are going to do the bulk of their shopping in the next few weeks. Let’s hope that kids and their parents don’t repeat the mistakes of the last year and keep their hard-earned money in their pockets. Move ahead to laugh reading the best back-to-school jokes on the Internet.

In the United States, Europe, and Canada, the back-to-school season typically begins and finishes in August, before the start of the school year. Back-to-school sales in India generally begin in June, just as schools are preparing to open. The season starts in February in Australia and New Zealand, although it starts from November to December in Malaysia. Back-to-school sales are generally conducted in March in Japan, which is unusual in that it begins its school year in the spring.

Best Back To School Jokes

These jokes are best suited for kids, their parents and teachers.

Why do parents love stationery shopping during the back-to-school sale?

It’s so much less walking around.

Why didn’t the sun go back to school?

Because it already has a million degrees.

Where did Harry Styles go to school?

Watermelon Sugar High.

Why don’t spiders go back to school?

Because they learn everything on the web.

Why did the Skittles go back to school?

They wanted to become Smarties.

Where did the hippos go back to school?

The hippocampus.

For back-to-school shopping, a kid went to a stationery shop.

Kid: Hi, I’d like to buy a calculator.

Staff: That’s nice, come back when you’re ready to buy a calcu-now.

How do bees go back to school?

They take the buzz.

What do you call a rock who doesn’t go back to school?

A skipping stone.

Where do fancy cows go to school?


Why do fish don’t want to go back to school?

Because they are always below the C level.

Why shouldn’t kids write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

Why did dad buy the ugliest calculator during back-to-school shopping?

Because it’s what’s inside that counts.

Mom: Son, wake up. Time to leave for school

But why, mom? Everyone at school absolutely hates me.

Mom: Oh! That is not a valid excuse. Come on, you have school to go to.

Son: Give me two compelling reasons why I should go back to school.

Mom: First and foremost, you must understand your responsibilities. Secondly, you are the School’s Principal.

Why would the eraser at the end of the pencil want to give up?

Because it couldn’t see the point.

Why did the ghost go back to beauty school?

It wanted to open up a boo-tique.

When the buffalo dropped his son off at school, what did he say to him?


What do you call a selfish pen?

Ink onsiderate.

Why don’t people send donkeys back to school?

No one likes a smart a**.

What do Indian kids say to their mothers before leaving for school?


Two kids were discussing their back-to-school sets.

Kid 1: I have a pen that can write underwater.

Kid 2: Wow really?!

Kid 1: Yep. It can write other words, too.

What do you call a kid that hates erasers?

An eracist.

Why did Finnick bring his cat to school?

Because he overheard his father telling his mother that he was going to eat that p*ssy once Finnick left for his first day of school.

Why did the duck get suspended from the first day of school?

For fowl language.

Why do elves go back to school?

To learn the elf-abet.

How did the kid learn to make babies on the first day at school?

You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies.’

Teacher: Why didn’t you come to school on the first day?

Dave: My father is still in the hospital.

One week later.

Teacher: Is your father still in the hospital, Dave?

Dave: He is, indeed, a doctor.

Who’s the king of all school supplies?

The ruler.

Did you hear about the kid addicted to eating school supplies?

It was a staple of his diet.

Why did the ruler make less money than the protractor?

Because they have a lot of degrees.

Kid 1: Did you hear about thieves breaking into a stationery store before the Back to School Sale?

Kid 2: No. What was stolen?

Kid 1: Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries.

Kid 2: Are the thieves caught yet?

Kid 1: No, but police suspect a highly organised crime.

Why didn’t the pen cross the road?

Because it was stationary.

What’d you call a marker that smokes weed?

A highlighter.

Why don’t envelopes reproduce?

Because they’re all mail.

What is the one Elementary supply you would never ask Chuck Norris for?

The Three-Hole Punch.

Did you know that owning a ballpoint pen is now illegal in Spain?

That’s the Spanish ink-position.

How do you prepare your four-year-old ginger son for his first day at school?

Punch him & steal his lunch money.

Recommended: Ginger Jokes

So Little Johnny’s teacher is told at the start of the school year not to make a bet with Johnny unless she is certain she will win.

Johnny raises his hand in class one day and says, “teacher, I’ll bet you $50 I can identify what colour your underwear is.”

“Okay, meet me after class and we’ll settle it,” she says. But before class is through, she walks to the restroom and takes her panties off.

Johnny makes his prediction when the class is over, “Blue.”

“Nope. You’re mistaken, “she adds, lifting her skirt to reveal she isn’t wearing any.

“Well, follow me out to my father’s car; he’ll be waiting for me, and I’ll bring you the money.” She follows him out the door.

When they arrive at the car, she tells his father that he made a mistake with the bet and that she showed Johnny that she wasn’t wearing any underwear.

His father exclaims: “That f***ing jerk! This morning, he bet me $100 that he’d see your pu**y before the end of the day!”

How many books can you fit in an empty bag?

One. After that, it’s no longer empty.

What did the textbook say to the highlighter?

Mark my words.

Why can’t pencils move?

Because they are stationary.

Little Jimmy has returned to his new school. He curses in class every day while the teacher is not present. After a while, one of the females in class approaches the teacher and informs him that Jimmy curses a lot. When Jimmy swears again, the teacher instructs them to flee the classroom screaming.

The following day, Little Jimmy arrives later than usual.

“Why are you late, Jimmy?” someone inquired.

Jimmy explained, “Normally, I would arrive right on time, but on the way to school, these construction workers started constructing a brothel, so I had to turn around and I arrived late.”

When the girls hear Jimmy swear, they start running away and screaming.

“Where the hell are you running, they just finished the foundations!” Jimmy exclaimed.

Where do belly buttons go back to school?

The naval academy.

On their honeymoon, where did the ruler and sharpener go?


Why was the glue expelled from art supplies school?

It didn’t adhere to the rules.

Registration on the first day back at school in the UK. 

Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………”here”

Mustafa Al Sheriah ……………………………..”here”

Fatima El Bindiri ………………………………..”here”

Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………”here”

Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer

Ali Sun Al En?

The little girl at the back stands up and yells, “It’s pronounced Alison Allen, for f*ck sake!”

What do you call a crayon that resembles a strawberry?

A cranberry.

Why didn’t the bridge go back to school?

Because it was suspended.

Recommended: College Jokes

A robber broke into a school bookstore & stole $20,000 worth of textbooks.

Fortunately, the police were able to return both books to the school.

On the first day of second grade, Johnny goes to school.

Johnny starts second grade on the first day of school. The teacher asks that each student state their name.

“My name is Johnny Fuckhour,” Johnny responds.

The teacher scolds him instantly and informs him that such language will not be permitted.

“But that’s my name,” he points out. “If you don’t believe me, ask my fifth-grade brother.”

As a result, the teacher marches him over to the fifth-grade classroom and asks, “Do you have a Fuckhour in here?”

“Oh, no, we don’t even have a nap time,” one of the students responds.

Why did the fish get suspended from his school on the first day?

It had seaweed in its locker.

Why did Bud go back to school?

To make Budweiser.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Broken pencil.

Broken pencil who?

Who cares it’s pointless.

Why was Agatha traumatised for months after losing her favourite backpack?

She just couldn’t put it behind her.

Johnny’s First Day Back at School. The instructor asks the class on the first day of a new school year, “What did you all do over the summer?”

“I went to see my grandma in Saskatchewan,” says little Johnny.

“Saskatchewan sounds like a wonderful location; can you spell Saskatchewan?” says the teacher.

Little Johnny says, “Actually, I believe we travelled to BC.”

What’s a crayon’s favorite state?


Why was the math teacher arrested for buying a protractor, a calculator, and a ruler?

The FBI charged her with weapons of math instruction.

Recommended: Last Day Of School Jokes

What was missing in the school supplies kit in England?


Kid on his first day of school, looking troubled, his father asks, “What’s wrong?”

“How long do I have to go to school?” the nervous child inquires.

“Until you’re 18,” the father says.

The child nods and thinks deeply about this.

When they arrive at the school’s main gates, the child replies, “Dad, you’ll remember to come and fetch me when I’m 18, won’t you?”

Why did the pencil have such a foul smell?

It was a #2.

Why did the student take a ladder to the first day of school?

He was going to high school.

What do you call a clock collector’s notebook?

A Watchlist.

What do you call a pencil sharpener that doesn’t work?


What do you call a kid who has decided to stop sniffing glue?

Now he’s glu-tin free!

Was that joke made out of paper?

Because that was tear-able!!

It was the first day of school in the United States, and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian had just started fourth grade.

The instructor stated, “Let’s start with some American history. ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death,’ said who?”

Except for Chandrasekhar, who held his hand up and said, “Patrick Henry, 1775,” she saw a sea of blank faces.

“That’s fantastic! ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth,’ said who?”

Except for Chandrasekhar, there was no answer. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863,” Chandrasekhar remarked.

“Class, you should be ashamed,” the teacher yelled at them. “Chandrasekhar, who is new to our nation, is more knowledgeable about its history than you are.”

“F***k the Indians,” she heard someone say loudly. “Who said that?” she questioned. Chandrasekhar raised his hand and said,”1862: General Custer.”

“I’m gonna puke,” a student at the back said.

“All right!” says the teacher, looking around. “Wait, who said that?” “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991,” Chandrasekhar states again.

Another kid, now enraged, screams, “Oh yeah? Suck it!”

“Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997,” says Chandrasekhar leaping from his chair, raising his hand.

With near-mob hysteria, someone exclaimed, “You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” “Michael Jackson to the kid witnesses testifying against him, 2004,” Chandrasekhar cries excitedly.

The teacher passed out. And when the students gathered on the floor around the teacher, someone exclaimed,” Oh sh*t, we’re screwed!” “I assume it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008,” Chandrasekhar remarked quietly.

Recommended: Teachers’ Day Jokes

Why did the M&M go back to school?

It wanted to be a Smartie.

What’s the name for a paper aeroplane that won’t take off?

It’s stationary.

What is the similarity between the NBA and a box of crayons?

The whites are useless.

Did you find these back-to-school jokes funny? Do let us know more funny puns in the comment box below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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