Bats terrify a lot of people. They believe bats are disease-carrying bloodsuckers who hide in the dark so you can’t see them coming and exist just to spread viruses. Instead of being caused by a phobia, fear of bats is caused by a lack of understanding of these creatures. When the sun goes down, bats leave their daytime roosts to hunt. They occasionally dwell in caves, lending them a historical link with the underworld and death.
According to some, bats have been associated with Halloween for hundreds of years as a result of Samhain, a Celtic harvest festival. Celebrations include lighting bonfires, which attract bugs, and hence, bug-eating bats. This time coincides with the swarming behavior of bats during the months of September to November as they search for mates and boost their food intake in preparation for winter hibernation.
Moreover, the legends of vampires and Dracula in Transylvania are still entertaining. They’ve been passed down through generations. They’ve also served as the basis for books, comics, and even films. Despite being widely popularised over the world, bats have also been the brunt of many hilarious jokes. Puns, one-liners, and quips are popular among those who appreciate or dislike the mere idea of coming near a bat. Check out this collection of the best jokes about bats that actually count if you’re looking for some spooky jokes to have some fun with bat humor.
Best Bat Jokes
How are bats like real-estate agents?
It’s all echo-location location location.
Why did the bat search for a job after Halloween?
It was fed up of hanging around.
What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?
A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.
Fangs for letting me in!
What did the boy bat send to the girl bat?
What does a capitalist bat study in college?
Why were the bats hanging outside the Gates of Hell?
A bat asks another bat, “What was the worst day of your life?”
He answered, “The day I had diarrhea…”
How many bats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. As soon as the light comes on, they scatter.
What happens when you make a bat joke?
It goes viral.
Who are you going to call when you have a bat problem?
How is a bat friendship the greatest of all?
They always hang around together.
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What do you call a forum for bats?
An echo chamber.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
Baby rat and mommy rat were walking down a dirt road when a bat flies by
Baby rat turns to his mom and says, “Look ma, an angel.”
What do you call a tree that dresses like a bat and fights crime?
What kind of bats swings upside down?
What advice do bat counselors give to their clients?
“Just hang in there.”
A bat floated in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the cave ceiling, ready to sleep.
Soon after, the other bats scented the blood and began questioning him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and go to bed.
But they persevered, and he eventually caved, if reluctantly. “All right,” he murmured, “follow me,” and he soared out of the cave, hundreds upon hundreds of bats trailing behind him. They traveled across the valley, through a river, and into a forest of trees.
He finally slowed down, and all the other bats milled about him, excited.
“Now,” he said, “you see that tree over there?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
“Good!,” said the first bat. “Because I fucking didn’t.”
Why do vampires make the best bosses?
They’ll always go to bat for you.
Why Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire?
It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat.
What markets do bats avoid at all costs?
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Do bats dance?
Yes, they swing.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
Why did the fish break up with the bat?
She was cod in a bat romance.
How do bats make new friends?
With a sound wave.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
How does a bat stay in shape?
Why are bats so bad at business?
They always fly-by-night.
Where do bats go to learn things?
To night school.
What’s a bat’s favorite dessert?
Upside down cake.
What is a bat’s favorite TV series?
Stranger Things due to upside down.
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Three pastors were having lunch at a diner.
The first one said, “You know since the summer started I’ve been having a lot of trouble with bats in the loft and attic at my church. I’ve tried everything — noise, spray, cats — nothing seems to scare them away.”
The second pastor replied, “Me too. I’ve got hundreds of those things living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I had the whole place fumigated, but they still won’t go away.”
The third pastor then said, “I had that problem a while ago. So I baptized them and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since!”
What do you get if you cross a computer with a bat?
Love at first byte.
What’s the first thing bats learn at school?
What happens when you cross a lonely hearts club and a bat?
You end up with lots of blind dates.
What did the bat child do when he couldn’t answer the teacher’s question?
He winged it.
What do bats and dentures have in common?
They both come out in the night.
What did the bat say to the vampire?
Why are grumpy vampires unpopular?
Due to their bat tempers.
What’s a bat’s favorite fruit?
How does Dracula keep fit?
By playing batminton.
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Bat you could never guess who it is!
Why do bats drink blood?
Because coffee keeps them awake at night.
Did you hear about a bat swallowing a watch?
It got ticks.
How are bats similar to false teeth?
They both come out at night.
Where do bats keep their money?
In the blood bank.
What’s smarter than a talking bat?
A spelling bee.
What do bats use to make cakes on Halloween?
Did you hear about the bats who got into a fight?
It was a real bat-tle.
Why did the bat cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.
Who did the crime-fighting bat spend most of his time flying around with?
Why should China have a cricket team?
They can take out the whole world with one bat.
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What’s dark and full of bats?
The West Indies cricket team.
What do you get if you jizz in a bat?
What do bats sing when on a rainy Halloween?
“Raindrops keep falling on my feet.”
What happens when a bat misbehaves during night school?
They get suspended.
Why did the vampire leave the baseball game?
Because he was out of bats.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve?
A bat on the back.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Hope you got what you were looking for in these bat jokes into which you can really sink your teeth.