Jessica Amlee
Christmas trees are a popular tradition in many parts of the world. They are typically evergreen trees, such as pine or fir, that are decorated with lights and ornaments during the Christmas season. Jokes and humorous stories are often a part of holiday traditions and gatherings, such as telling Christmas tree jokes while decorating their homes for the Christmas season.
The tradition of putting up a Christmas tree can be traced back to the 16th century in Germany when it is said that people brought small trees into their homes and decorated them with candles, apples, and other symbols of the season. Today, Christmas trees are often a central part of holiday celebrations, and they are typically displayed in homes, public spaces, and even on the streets. Some people also choose to have artificial Christmas trees, which are made of materials such as plastic or metal, rather than a live tree.
Best Christmas Tree Jokes
What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas?
A Lucy Fir.
What do Millenials and Christmas Trees have in common?
They used to thrive, but now they’re dead inside.
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad?
A pineapple.
Did you hear about the soldier who snuck behind enemy lines disguised as a Christmas tree?
He was a decorated veteran.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Oh, Chris.
(Oh, Chris who?)
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree…!
What do you call a Christmas Tree that knows Kung Fu?
Spruce Lee.
Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison?
Treeson.
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They keep dropping their needles.
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them.
What do a Christmas tree and a monk have in common?
They both have ornamental balls.
These three blondes were about to buy a Christmas tree when they decided to walk into the woods and cut down a real one.
“I don’t care how long it takes us, I just want a perfect tree,” said the first blonde.
“We won’t go until we find the proper one,” the other two blondes agreed.
They were still looking three days later. The first blonde looked at her two tired and hungry friends and said “I promise the next tree we come across we’ll chop it down and take it home and I won’t care if it’s decorated for Christmas or not.”
Why wasn’t the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree?
Because of ‘elf and safety restrictions.
Recommended: Elf Jokes
How do husbands bring smiles to their wife’s faces every Valentine’s Day?
By taking down the Christmas tree.
What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies?
Spruce Willis.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Centipede.
(Centipede who?)
Centipede on the Christmas tree!
What did the rug say to the Christmas tree?
“I can see your balls hanging.”
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, “Are you going to put that tree up yourself?”
The guy replied, “Don’t be disgusting! I’m going to put it in the living room!”
A baby boy is born with only his head. He lives like this for years until one holiday season when he discovers a torso under the Christmas tree.
“Mom!” he exclaims. “Do you suppose Santa will bring me arms next year?”
“He could do it.” She responds.
The following year, there is, indeed, a pair of arms under the tree.
Again, the youngster begs his mother, “Do you think I’ll be given some legs next year?”
“Maybe!” According to his mother.
There are his legs the next year. He now has all of his physical parts.
“I have to walk across the street and show Johnny!” He states. So he walks out into the street…
And is then hit by a car.
He should’ve quit while he was a head.
Did you hear about the cat who has been nibbling on the Christmas tree?
Now she’s coughing up fir balls.
Why did one name its own Christmas tree Amy Winehouse?
Because it’s just going to die and leave needles everywhere.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Angel.
(Angel who?)
Angel on top of my Christmas tree.
Did you hear about the man who became a Buddhist?
But he still celebrates Christmas. So when December comes around he sits under the Christmas tree, wraps himself in wrapping paper and lives in the present.
What type of Christmas trees do scientists prefer?
Chem-is-trees.
What do you call an ornament on a Christmas tree that is all by itself?
The Decoration of Independence.
In London, this Christmas, one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa.
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents.
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house.
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or UNICEF for you to donate.
One in every 5 kids in London is Muslim and they don’t celebrate Christmas.
Recommended: Gingerbread Jokes
Why don’t Christmas trees learn to knit?
They always drop their needles.
What do Christmas trees eat when their breath is bad?
Ornamints.
Where do little trees go to become Christmas trees?
Elementree school.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Candy.
(Candy who?)
Candy canes hanging on the tree.
What is America’s 44th President’s favorite Christmas song?
Barackin’ Around the Christmas Tree.
What’s a unicorn in a Christmas tree called?
A unicornament.
Two brothers are seated beneath the Christmas tree.
One receives lots of gifts. He opens one after the other, a tablet, a drone, a bike, and a variety of other stuff.
The other receives only one personalized gift: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks, “Guess whom they like more?!!”
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back, “guess who got cancer?!!”
What does Jack Skelington yell when he cuts down a Christmas Tree?
Timber-ton.
How do you lift a heavy Christmas tree?
With a lumberjack.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Kanya.
(Kanya who?)
Kanya help me find a Christmas tree?!
What do you call a depressed Christmas tree?
A sad sap.
What is an avocado’s favorite Christmas song?
Guac-in’ Around the Christmas Tree.
A Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu, and an Atheist are asked to help decorate a Christmas Tree.
The Jew says, “My faith believes that Christ was just a really smart guy, but we don’t celebrate Christmas. I’ll put 7 candles on the tree to represent the Menorah.” And he agrees to help.
The Muslim says, “My faith believes Christ was a holy guy, just not THE holy guy, so we don’t celebrate Christmas. I’ll point ornaments to the east, I can use it to tell me which direction to pray in.” And he agrees to help.
The Hindu says, “Christ is basically an incarnation of Krishna and we are always happy to have a religious festival as long as there are food and sweets”, and he agrees to help.
The Atheist says, “I don’t believe in your Christ or your god and I think you guys are all a bunch of idiots for believing in some random magic man in the sky created the world, but I’ll help because otherwise, Santa’s going to leave me shitty presents again.”
Recommended: Hanukkah Jokes
Why does a fully decorated Christmas tree weigh less than a non-decorated one?
Because it’s lighter.
Why were there no fighting games under the Christmas tree?
They got Tekken.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Decora.
(Decora who?)
Decorating the Christmas tree.
Why do people put popcorn on the Christmas tree?
Because it makes the tree look butter.
What happens if you remove Christmas trees?
Then there are only Christmas two’s left.
Why don’t trees get Christmas presents from Santa?
They’re too knotty.
During Christmas time, a little kid runs to the kitchen and screams:
“Mom! The Christmas tree is burning!”
The mother replies: “You don’t say it’s burning, you say it’s shining.”
After a few minutes the little kid returns and screams:
“Now the curtain is shining, too!”
Where is a good place to cut your own Christmas tree?
About three inches off the ground.
Why didn’t Michael Myers set up his Christmas tree?
He focused too much on his stalking.
Knock, knock.
(Who is there?)
Canoe.
(Canoe who?)
Canoe come over to help me decorate this big Christmas tree?!
Why was the Christmas tree on trial?
Treason.
Do you know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?
“It’s a huge Pine in the Ash.”
What do you do with a Christmas tree after the holidays??
You treecycle it.
An angel walks into a hardware store and says, “I’d like to buy a Christmas tree.”
The cashier asks, “Are you putting it up yourself?”
The angel replies, “Yes.”
What do you call an apple growing from a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Che.
(Che who?)
Checks for presents underneath the tree!
Did you hear about the epileptic kid who loves our new Christmas Tree?
You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
Recommended: Dirty Christmas Jokes
What’s similar between boobs and Christmas trees?
When you see really nice ones, you can’t tell if they’re real or fake.
Yo mama is like a Christmas Tree, she gets lit and covered in balls.
What do you call a dildo on a Christmas Tree?
Dickoration.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Tree.
(Tree who?)
O Christmas tree!
What do you call a vibrator on a Christmas tree?
A pornament.
What did the hookers hang on the Christmas Tree?
Whore-naments
Have a better Christmas tree joke? Post your holiday one-liners and puns in the comment section below!
