Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday that commemorates the victory of the Maccabees over the Greek army in the second century BC. It is also known as the Festival of Lights because of the custom of lighting a menorah, a nine-branched candelabra. Hanukkah lasts for eight days and typically falls in December. During the holiday, Jews celebrate by lighting candles on the menorah, eating traditional foods like latkes and sufganiyot, and playing games like dreidel.

Latkes, fried pancakes consisting of potatoes… and occasionally other vegetables, are one of our favorite Hanukkah snacks. The menorah, or chanukiyah, is the eight-branched light holder that symbolizes the whole festival. So, naturally, we have Hanukkah jokes on all of them.

These jokes are often told and shared among friends and family as a way of adding levity and joy to the holiday. Additionally, many traditional Hanukkah songs and stories have humorous elements. Some people enjoy telling and sharing jokes on Hanukkah as a way of keeping the holiday fun and light-hearted.

Best Hanukkah Jokes

Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before  replying, “Give me six Orthodox,  12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

How can you explain Hanukkah to a non-Jew?
Imagine if your cell phone battery was on ten percent and it lasted for eight days.

What do Hispanic Jews celebrate?
Juanukkah.

What’s the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Honey!
(Honey who?)
Honey-kah is my favorite holiday!

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a Hanukkah?
Menorah-sauras.

What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
Filet minyan.

With Hanukkah upon us, how does a Jewish man prepare his tea?
Hebrews it.

What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?
Jew-ish.

Recommended: Funny Jewish Jokes

What do cows and horses light when celebrating Hanukkah?
A ‘manure’-ah.

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?
The Icebergs.

For Hanukkah, a man purchased his wife a stunning diamond ring.
“I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive cars,” a friend of his remarks after hearing about this costly gift.
“She did,” he replies. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

If the majority of people in the US celebrate Christmas
Then the number of people that celebrate Hanukkah are in the menorahty.

Knock, Knock.
(Who’s there?)
Wick.
(Wick who?)
Wick way to the synagogue?

Did you hear about the wife who already ate all of the chocolate in the house on the second day of Hanukkah?
Now, she feels gelty.

What is the Jewish problem-free philosophy?
Hanukkah Matata.

What do you call it when Santa doesn’t bring you any gifts?
Hanukkah.

Recommended: Santa Jokes

Like most, a kid learned about Hanukkah in school. His teacher told him, “Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah.”
That night he was waiting in line at the hometown buffet with his family and asked mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.
“It’s so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families,” she said.
He piped up in a loud, excited voice, “But couldn’t they get some Jews to work here?”
They never went back.

What do you call a menorah in armor?
A knight-light.

With which hand is it better to light the menorah?
Neither, it’s best to light it with a candle.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Delight!
(Delight who?)
Delight de menorah already!

What did the waiter say when the customer used if his latkes would be long?
“No sir, they’ll be round.”

What’s colorful, spins around, and has wheels?
A dreidel, I lied about the wheels.

What’s the best Hanukkah gift for someone who has everything?
A burglar alarm.

A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says, “Papa, I need fifty dollars.”
The father asks, “Forty dollars?! I do not have thirty dollars! What do you need twenty dollars for? Here are ten dollars.”
He hands the boy a five and says, “Split it with your brothers…and bring back the change.”

What did the menorah say when it went on stage?
“This is my time to shine.”

Two menorahs are sitting in the window. One turns to the other and says, “Wow, it’s getting hot with all these candles.”
The other looks back and says, “Whoa, a talking menorah!”

Which hand is it best to light the menorah with?
Neither, it’s best to light it with a candle.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Candelabra.
(Candelabra who?)
Can Delabra come out and play?

What did the elder Hanukkah candle have to say to the younger?
“You’re too young to smoke.”

What’s the best thing to put into the sufganiyot?
Your teeth.

Harry and Sadie, an elderly Jewish couple, had been married for 35 years but had never gotten along.
He tells her one day around this time of year, “So? I’m guessing you’ll want a Hanukkah present?”
“Harry, I want a divorce,” she tells him.
Harry says, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

How much Hanukkah gelt did the skunk get?
One cent.

How can you recognize a Hanukkah hippie?
He’s the one with his hair in dreidel-locks.

What did the little girl call her dreidel?
Clay.

Teacher, after Hanukkah vacation: You missed school last week, didn’t you?
Student: Not really!

Who is a dreidel’s favorite musician?
Dr. Dreidel.

What’s a dreidel’s favorite song?
“You Spin Me Right Round.”

A Jewish mother gives his son two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.
As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, “What — you didn’t like the other one?”

Nathan begs his father, “Daddy, can we get a Hanukkah bush?” after admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbors’ windows.
“What? Of course not,” his father responds.
“Why not?” Nathan asks again.
A little agitated, his father replies, “Well, Nathan, the last time we had dealings with a bush that was lit up, we spent 40 years in the wilderness.”

What did the stamp say on the Hanukkah card?
“Stick me and you’ll go places.”

What makes Hanukkah a superior holiday to Christmas?
No roof damage from the reindeer.

What did the loaf of bread say to the other loaf of bread on Hanukkah?
“Happy challah days!”

Benjamin was buying stamps to send out all his Hanukkah cards.
“Do I have to stick them on myself?” he asked the clerk.
“I suggest you stick them on the envelopes,” the clerk replied.

Why are there only 8 days of Hanukkah?
Because 7 ate 9.

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?
The Icebergs.

What do vegetables say to each other on Hanukkah?
“Happea Hanukkah!”

It was Hanukkah, and the small community outside Budapest, Hungary, was worried that they wouldn’t be able to make any latkes since they had run out of flour.
Rudi, the Rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, ‘Don’t worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour, and the latkes will be just as delicious.’
Sarah looks to her husband and says, ‘Samuel, you think it’ll work?’
‘Of course,’ Samuel replies, ‘Everybody knows Rudolph the Rabbi knows grain, dear.’

What’s the difference between the Grinch and Hitler?
One stole Hanukkah the other stole Christmas.

Recommended: Grinch Jokes

Why is Hanukkah the most fun holiday for potatoes?
Because they find it so a-peel-ing.

How do you drive a Chanu-car?
Easy, just start out with the lat-keys.

How come dreidels never sleep in bunk beds?
They all want to be on TOP.

Father: How were the questions on your Hanukkah quiz?
Son: Easy!
Father: So why do you look so glum?
Son: The questions were easy; the ANSWERS were hard!

Why don’t we eat clowns on Hanukkah?
Because they taste funny.

Recommended: Rosh Hashanah Jokes

What did the car say to the dreidel?
“Want to go for a spin?”

What do you call an 8-day long blowjob?
Hanukkah Lewinski.

Have a better Hanukkah joke? Post your festive one-liners and puns in the comment section below!