In the great American political circus, Democrats and Republicans are like the two main acts. Democrats, often seen as the champions of progressive and liberal ideas, are like the trapeze artists, aiming for high-flying ideals and social nets. Republicans, on the other hand, with their conservative and traditional viewpoints, are akin to the tightrope walkers, carefully balancing tradition and change. Each side has its loyal fans, and the debates between them can sometimes resemble a pie-throwing contest at a carnival. They stand on opposite ends of the political spectrum, often disagreeing on everything from economic policies to the best type of coffee. This ongoing rivalry, filled with passionate speeches and colorful campaigns, sets the perfect stage for Democrat and Republican Jokes.
Democrat and Republican Jokes are like the popcorn of political humor – light, enjoyable, and a bit salty. These jokes play on the stereotypes and idiosyncrasies of both parties, turning political tug-of-wars into laugh-out-loud moments. From elephants and donkeys exchanging barbs to playful jabs at each party’s expense, the humor bridges the gap between left and right. It’s a lighthearted way to poke fun at the sometimes absurd theater of politics, reminding us that at the end of the day, a little laughter can go a long way in a divided house. So, whether you lean left, right, or stand squarely in the middle, there’s always room for a chuckle in the land of the free and the home of the brave… and the politically humorous!
Best US Political Jokes
Why did the two democrats who attempted to enter a republican primary were disqualified?
Apparently, two lefts don’t make a right.
What is the primary difference between Democrats and Republicans?
Democrats like to tax and spend. Republicans like to borrow and spend.
Did you know that Republicans typically have a higher rate of sunburns than Democrats?
This is because they refuse to apply sunscreen liberally.
A Republican, a Democrat, and a Dude are sitting at a table with a dozen cookies.
The Republican takes 11 cookies, leans over to the Dude, and says, “Watch out for the Democrat! He’s trying to steal your cookie!”
What is the problem with Trump Jokes?
Republicans don’t think they’re funny, and Democrats don’t think they’re jokes.
What’s a Democrat’s favorite genre of EDM?
Progressive house.
What’s the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?
Ukrainians defend their Capitol.
What sucks the most about being a democrat in a republican household?
If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an ass of yourself.
Republicans: 12 people should own everything. Everyone else can starve and die.
Democrats: 6 of those 12 should be women, minorities, and LGBTQ.
Son: Dad, what’s the difference between the two major political parties?
Dad: That’s easy. One is the party of the common man, but the other is the party of the special interests.
Son: But which is which?
Dad: Well, that’s harder.
What’s the difference between God and a Conservative?
God knows He’s not a Republican.
What will they play at the presidential inauguration if Republicans win?
Trump-ets.
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Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?
Politics
Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.
A Republican was campaigning in a primary Democratic rural area.
He went to a farm and asked whether he might give a speech there. The farmer said, “Wait a minute while I grab my wife and family because they’ve never seen a Republican before.”
They were all gathered around, so the Republican searched about for anything to get up and stand on so he could give his speech. He only noticed a massive pile of manure, so he went up on top of it and delivered his speech.
When he finished, he sat down, and the farmer complimented him on a great speech because it was the first time he had ever heard a Republican speak.
The Republican said, “Thank you, it is the first time I ever spoke from a Democratic platform.”
What if there weren’t any democrats?
“Then who would be left?”
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? That’s socialism.
Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters?
Because everyone is left leaning.
What happens when a republican and a democrat have two cows?
Democrat: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
Why do Republican politicians have a better system than Democrat politicians do?
Democrat politicians bribe their supporters, but Republican supporters bribe their politicians!
How do you know Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything?
Republicans said the temperature is -40° F And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.
Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?
They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.
A man had a severe cardiac arrest while in the hospital operating room and was non-responsive almost to the point of being called dead – but then they managed to get his heart started again. Problem was he had no brain activity.
The Doctor went out to explain the situation to his wife, “Ma’am, your husband died on the table, but we were able to bring him back. Unfortunately, he now appears to be brain dead.”
Horrified wife replied, “Oh my God! I don’t know what to do here – we’ve never had a Democrat in the family before!”
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What musical instruments do Democrats hate the most?
Trumpets.
Why do Libras always vote for Democratic candidates?
They’re all Libra-rals.
Why are Democrats never right?
They’re left.
Why are Republicans overweight?
So they can own the lbs.
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket of furry animals; in her hand was a sign that read: FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall grinning man.
“Hi there little girl, I’m Mitt Romney. What do you have in the basket?”
“Kittens”, little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Romney.
Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“Republicans,” answered Suzy with a smile.
Romney was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the candidate should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of “Free Kittens,” when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from all the major networks. Camera and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Romney got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again”, he said. “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”
“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They’re Democrats.”
Taken by surprise, the candidate stammered, “But…but…yesterday, you told me they were Republicans.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know…but today they have their eyes open.”
Why do most conservatives fail geometry?
Because they don’t have any points.
Do you remember President Clinton’s intern Monica?
She’s now republican. Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
How do you know Nintendo is a Democrat?
Because even their Joycons lean left.
A Republican John and a Democrat Mike become neighbors.
Every day, they struggle for their political opinions, which spiral out of control. They loathe one other more and more as time passes.
One day John had a horrific vehicle accident in front of Mike’s house.
“Mike!” he screams. “Please come immediately, I’m dying!”
Mike sets aside his competition and rushes to assist.
“Mike, it’s too late… Please…one last request…”
“What is it, John?” Mike asks.
“Please contact your Democrat Party and include me as an official member in your catalogs,” says John.
Mike takes the phone as quickly as possible and wraps up the process for John to become a Democrat.
“Please tell me, John! Why have you made this decision now, after all these years? ” says Mike, with tears in his eyes.
John with his very last breath says, “Mike..better for one of you to die than one of us!”
Why are jokes about conservatives getting dumber and dumber?
Because Republicans have started to make them up themselves.
What does a double sided d*ldo have in common with republicans and democrats?
No matter what side you pick your f*cked.
What’s the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?
Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.
How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents?
They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.
A Republican and a Democrat are walking down the street.
After a while, they happen to meet a fellow who asks if they could spare some change, the Republican reaches in his pocket and hands the guy $10.
They continue walking and a few moments later encounter another fellow asking if they could spare some change. The Democrat reaches into the Republicans pocket and hands the guy $10.
What do Republicans and Democrats have in common?
Epsteins island.
A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemorrhoids walk into a bar…
They’re all butthurt.
What do you call an honest man in the Oval Office?
Lost.
A sixth-grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.
Despite them not knowing what a Trump fan was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well, all except for little Johnny.
The teacher looks over to little Johnny and asks, “Johnny, why are you being different again?”
He says, “well, because I’m not a Trump fan.”
“Why aren’t you a Trump fan?”
“Because I’m a Democrat.”
The teacher snuffs and says, “Oh really? Why are you a Democrat?”
He responds, “Well, my mom is a democrat, my dad is a democrat, so I’m a Democrat.”
She then says, “Oh really? Then what if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
Little Johnny smiles and says, “A Trump fan.”
How do democrats keep their breath fresh?
With Entitle-mints.
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How do Democrats talk about Republican foreign policy?
By saying the word “Conspiracy” over and over again.
Republicans are Red.
Democrats are Blue.
And neither one gives a f*ck about you.
Why is it bad when the Republicans control the House, the Senate, Supreme Court, and the White House?
Because they only have themselves to blame.
A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and says, “Do you know what I say to sheep like you?
“Whatever the Republican Party tells me to say.”
What do you call it, when 10 GOP presidential candidates give their speeches and promise all at the same time?
Mass-debating.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Is it true that Democrats are generally considered to be more attractive than Republicans?” he asks the bartender.
“Well, have you ever heard of a hot piece of elephant?” the bartender responds.
A man was talking to a friend’s young daughter, and she mentioned that she wanted to be President someday.
Because both of her parents were liberal Democrats, he asked her, “If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?”
“I’d give food and shelter to all the homeless folks,” she said.
“Wow, what an admirable ambition. You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do it,” he informed her.
“You may come to my house and mow the grass, pluck weeds, and sweep my yard for $50.” Then I’ll take you to the grocery store where the homeless man hangs around, and you can give him the $50 to go toward food or a new house.
She thought about it for a few seconds because she was only six.
While her mother glared at the man, the little girl replied, “Why doesn’t the homeless person come over and do the work, and you can simply pay him the $50?”
And the man said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”
How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?
Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
A Republican and a Democrat are going out fishing in an old boat.
They aren’t very far from shore when the Democrat notices that the boat has a leak and is slowly taking on water. After some quick calculations, the Democrat says, “Look, the boat is sinking, but I think if we start bailing now, we can make it back to shore in 20 to 30 minutes.” The Republican replies, “No! Let’s head out to deeper water so we can spend that 30 minutes fishing!”
How do you hide money from a Republican?
Put it in a science textbook.
A woman is gardening in her yard when she becomes aware of a hot-air balloon descending. When it lowers to speaking range, the man driving calls out, “Can you help me? I’m late for an appointment and I have lost my bearings. Can you tell me where I am?”
After consulting her phone, she replies, “48-degree latitude by 39 degrees longitude. Altitude 25 feet.”
The man says, “You must be a Democrat.”
The woman asks, “Why?”
The man says, “The information you have given me may be factually true, but it is of no help. Frankly, I’m no better off now than before.”
The woman says, “You must be a Republican.”
The man asks, “Why?”
The Woman explains, “You don’t know where you are, you don’t keep your commitments, you’re running mostly on hot air, and somehow it’s all my fault.”
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How can we get Republicans to care about climate change?
Politics
Blame it on the poor.
A man was walking down the street when he saw a twenty-dollar bill lying on the ground. As he bent over to pick it up, two men approached him.
The Democrat said, “Lucky you because your taxes just went up $20.”
The Republican said, “Too bad, your rent just went up $20.”
A republican engineer and a democrat engineer were working on the space program and discovered that pens do not write in zero gravity. Each was tasked with a solution to the problem. 6 months later the democratic engineer solved the problem. He explained to his republican friend that he came up with a pressurized ink cartridge that will force the ink into the ball thus allowing the pen to write in space. The republican congratulated his friend on his ingenuity and asked what it cost to develop this marvel. The democrat told him $20 million.
The republican said, “Hmmmmm.”
The democrat asked the republican if he had figured out a solution to the problem. The Republican said, “Yes.”
The democrat asked him how long it took him to solve the problem. The Republican said, “I figured it out the first day.”
The democrat annoyed snapped,” Well how much did your solution cost?” The republican said, “ One dollar.”
The democrat raged, “How on earth did you design and engineer a writing instrument that will write in space for only one dollar and in one day? That’s impossible!”
The republican smiled and said, “I just went to the store and bought pencils.”
What’s the most unrealistic thing from the movie Batman Vs Superman?
A democratic senator from Kentucky.
What do you call a Democratic buffet?
A free for all.
There is a man drowning 100 feet from shore and crying for help.
A Democrat shows up and throws him 200 feet of rope. The excess rope weighs the victim down and he drowns.
A Republican shows up and throws out 50 feet of rope and demands that the victim take some responsibility for himself and swim to the rope. He can’t and drowns.
A libertarian shows up and shrugs, “It isn’t my problem,” and just goes away; the victim drowns.
A bunch of Tea Party types shows up. One throws the victim a heavy rock; the victim drowns and all of the tea partiers cheer.
A Green Party member shows up. He yells at the victim for polluting the water. The victim drowns.
The communists show up and throw a strong rope. The victim grabs it and is pulled in. He is then drafted into the military. He is killed in the Vietnam War.
At last, a millennial shows up and pulls out her cell phone to film the ordeal, but also feels really bad about the whole experience. The victim drowns but gets 12k likes and 432 shares.
What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A whine cellar.
What do you call it, when 10 liberal presidential candidates give their speeches and promise all at the same time?
Mass-debating.
A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp.
The genie said, “I will grant one wish per person.”
The Republican immediately jumped forward and said, “I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs.” The genie nodded and the Republican vanished.
The Democrat then asked, “Are they all on their own planet?”
“Yes,” said the genie.
“Are you sure? All of them?”
The genie said, “Yes” one more time.
Then the Democrat said, “I guess I’ll just have a glass of water then.”
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Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
Because deep down, they’re really good people.
A Liberal found a magic genie’s lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, “I will grant you one wish.” He said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So the genie made him a Republican.
What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
“Ten dollars?” she said. “It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal?”
“Here’s a hundred – go bury 10 of them!”
In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people’s money.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat?
A prostitute stops screwing you when you run out of money.
What do Democrats and p*rn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.
How can a black man change a republican politician’s views on abortion?
Get his wife pregnant.
Why are there insulting names for liberals like libtard but none for Republicans?
Because calling someone a Republican is insulting enough.
Have better jokes about Democrats and Republicans? Post it below in the comment section.
How did the Republican solve the math problem?
With Traditional Values.