Dad jokes for adults take the classic, groan-inducing humor often associated with dads and add a twist that’s more suited for grown-up audiences. These jokes still carry the hallmark simplicity and pun-laden style of traditional dad jokes but are spiced up with a bit of adult humor. They’re the kind of jokes you wouldn’t necessarily share at the family dinner table but might bring out among friends at a casual get-together or a night out.
Today, we’re talking about jokes that are a bit naughty, the kind that would make your grandma shake her head. They’re the sort that might make you laugh so hard you snort your drink, leaving you wondering if you should be laughing or feeling a bit guilty. Our dirty dad jokes dive into the realms of the rude, naughty, and sometimes outright sexual. They take the innocence out of typical dad jokes, infusing them with a bit more edge and a lot more cheek relatable in 2024. They’re a playful way to acknowledge the not-so-innocent side of humor, often involving double meanings and filthy puns that can leave the crowd both blushing and laughing.
Dad Jokes for Adults in 2024
Why didn’t 1 get together with 2?
They weren’t ready to try a three-sum.
Why do mermaids wear sea shells?
Because b shells are too small and d shells are too big.
Did you hear that there is a new dating app that caters to arsonists?
You get new matches every week.
How does an alchemist please his wife?
Elixir.
What did Captain America say on his wedding night?
“I can do this all day.”
What do you call a Jedi who practices a lot of self-love?
Hand Solo.
What’s the equivalent of s*xting for the older generation?
Fax.
What’s the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scottish farmer?
The Rolling Stones sang, “Hey, you, get off of my cloud.” The Scottish farmer says, “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe.”
Why didn’t the sleeper sofa have children?
It always pulled out.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Nobody, they both eat out.
Why does Russel Crowe smile when he goes down on his wife?
Cause he’s Gladiator.
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What’s the most important thing to remember when picking up girls?
To lift with your knees.
What is the first thing that Adam said to Eve in the Garden?
“You had better move back, I am not sure how big this thing gets.”
How are dad jokes and s*x similar?
If you do it right, you’ll hear lots of groans.
Did you hear about the new corduroy condom?
It’s a groovy kind of love.
Why do they call it 69 and not “Mutual Oral Stimulation”?
Because it’s kind of a mouthful.
Did you hear Michael Phelps was hospitalized after going to a strip club?
He had a breast stroke!
How did the soldier end his Honeymoon?
With Honorable Discharge.
Why doesn’t sodium ever get laid?
Nobody wants to be s*xually a salted.
How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper!
Would grief give you an erection?
No, but mourning would.
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Why is it so hard to argue with a woman who is not wearing a bra?
She already made two great points.
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts.
Why is there no pregnant Barbie?
Because Ken came in a different box.
What is it called when law officers have s*x?
Copulation Or, in layman’s terms, porkin’ it.
What does a hooker say after being paid?
Business doing pleasure with you.
What’s the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
One waits until puberty to come on your face.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Why don’t boxers have s*x the night before their fight?
The really don’t like each other that much.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breath through that tiny thing?”
Why are women irrational during periods?
Ovaryacting.
What do you do when you get naked in the shower?
You turn it on.
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Why is s*x like math?
You add a bed, Subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there no multiplying.
What is the difference between an optimist, and a woman taking a bubble bath?
Well, one has hope in their soul and the other has soap in their hole.
What do you call a rap battle between snakes?
A reptile diss function.
Why did the condom fly across the room?
It got pissed off.
A h*rny guy walks into a job agency office.
He asked, “Any openings that I can fill?”
What does the sign on a out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
What do a gynecologist & a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but know it would be wrong to eat it.
Did you hear about the comedian who told jokes on the toilet?
He did it for sh*ts and giggles.
What’s blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde?
A naked blonde doing cartwheels.
Why wouldn’t Leia let Luke into the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon?
Because she wanted to ride Solo.
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What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Why was the vibrator sent to prison?
Because it was charged with s*xual batteries.
What language do lesbians speak?
Gaelic.
What do you get when you have two little green balls in your hand?
Kermit’s undivided attention.
How did the husband know his wife blew the clown backstage?
Her breath smelled funny.
Why is Cookie Monster frustrated?
He has blue balls.
Why was Medusa fired for s*xual harassment?
She wouldn’t stop objectifying people.
Is it possible to give someone a skin graft from your b*tt?
Assskin for a friend.
What’s the German word for bra?
Shtoppemfrumfloppen.
What do you call a bad circumcision?
A rip off.
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Why does Helen Keller m*sturbate with one hand?
To moan with the other
What do you call it when someone has F to M bottom surgery?
Scroto-synthesis.
What does Bambi’s mother do when she’s feeling lonely?
She goes down to the Elks club and blows a couple of bucks.
What is the most loyal part of your body?
Your buttcheeks. They stay together despite all the sh*t they go through.
Do you know why Baptisms were invented by the Priests?
Well… they needed somewhere to wash their s*x toys.
Did you hear the song about the h**ker?
Absolute banger.
Why does the sperm bank pay more than the blood bank?
Because the sperm is hand crafted.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What happened to the employee that had s*x on the job?
They got laid off.
Why can’t a manhood be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
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Why do b**bs keep to themselves?
Because they have the company of their breast friend!
Did you hear about the new Origami p*rn channel?
It’s paper view only.
What food kills bl*wjobs?
Wedding cake.
If a bra is an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, then what is a jock strap?
An under-the-butt-nut-hut.
What do you call a baby born in a wh*re house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a group of transgender women called?
The X-Men.
Which positions produce the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
Did you hear about the wife who tried to shoot her husband in the crotch but missed?
She was charged with a missed-a-weiner.
What do you get when you mix human DNA with whale DNA?
Kicked out of Sea World.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
For fingering a minor.
What would be a phrase as likely used in a bedroom as in a funeral parlor?
“I can’t do much with him until he’s stiff!”
What’s the best part of making love to a m*lf?
Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!
What does a perverted frog say?
“Rubbit.”
How do you turn your Dishwasher into a Snow Plow?
Give the b*tch a shovel.
Do you have a funny dad joke for adults? Write down the gags in the comment section below!
Eating a** is literally just tongue in cheek personified.