Jokes

75 Funny Hot Weather Jokes To Beat The Heat

Updated on:

Jessica Amlee

No Comments

We know from our early geography lessons that the earth gets its seasons from its axial tilt. Because of this for half of the year, the northern hemisphere of the earth is tilted towards the Sun and for the other half of the year, the same applies for it’s the southern hemisphere. So June to August should give the entire northern hemisphere a nice warm summer right? Yeah, not exactly because the earth is only tilted by a small amount i.e., 23.5 degrees which means during the day the Equator is always facing the Sun and always getting the brunt of those rays. The further north or south you go from the equator, the more spread-out the sun’s rays get and the less heat is transferred.

Temperatures have been climbing for the past few weeks, causing widespread discomfort. So we created some hilarious hot weather jokes for the people to help them stay cool.

Best Hot Weather Jokes 

On hot summer days, what do cats eat?
A mice-cream cone!


What’s the hottest letter in the alphabet?
‘B’, because it makes oil, boil.


During this heatwave, it’s a good idea to wear two different deodorants – one under each armpit.
But that’s just our two scents.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Scorch.
(Scorch who?)
Scorch the earth, it’s so hot out here!


Why celebrities don’t have to worry about the heat?
They have a lot of fans.


It’s so hot, it smells like bacon.


Why do you never use a cannon in hot weather?
It shoots itself at 90 degrees.


What is it called when a gymnast seasons their food during hot weather?
Somersault.


In the summertime, what do you call a dog?
A hot dog, and in the winter it’s a chili dog.


It’s so hot, I dreamt I bought a house in Alaska.


When can you say, “It’s going to be a long day,” and no one can deny it?
Summer Solstice.


What is the one tea that an Englishman cannot stand?
Humidity.


What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
Gum.


What do you call the sweat produced when two people make love in Alabama?
Relative humidity.


What kind of jacket makes you hot?
A blazer.


Three men gathered together for a round of golf on The 4th of July. The men were quite surprised at being “let out” for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.
The first man said: “I bought a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go.”
The second man said: “I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go.”
The third man said: “I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her, ‘Golf course or intercourse,’ and she said, Wear sunscreen, it’s hot outside.’”


What do frogs enjoy on a hot summer day?
Croak-a-cola, of course!


It’s so hot, if it drops below 100 it feels a bit chilly.


Recommended: It’s so hot jokes


It’s so hot that I got into a heated debate with my ex-wife and I said if you can’t stand the heat get off the grill.


It’s so hot that my computer froze.


Boy: Would you want to be the sun in my life?
Girl: Aww… that’s so sweet, of course.
Boy: All right, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.


I’m literally sweating like someone who works in a warehouse without air conditioning.


What makes a priest sweat in the summer?
Exorcising.


What’s got 99 balls and makes old ladies sweat?
Bingo.


Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.


It’s so hot in the shade, I decided to stay in the sun.


What would you call south Texas in a heat wave?
Corpus Crispy.


A tourist was passing through a town in the heat of summer.
He wanted to be sure the water was good to drink, so he asked a local. “Oh, yes,” they assured him. The tourist then asked the local what made them so sure. “Well,” they answered, “first we filters it, then we takes out the harmful minerals, then we puts it through some chemical process, and then we drinks it. Only around here, people calls it beer.”


Why is the sun famous?
Because it is a rising star, everyday.


Recommended: Hot Weather Memes


Son: Dad, can you tell me when is the Summer solstice?
Dad: No sun.


It’s so hot that we use our seat belts for branding iron.


How many seasons are there in California?
We have four – hot, really hot, hotter than hot and are you kidding me hot.


It’s so hot, ice cube changed his name to puddle.


What do the sun and bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast.


What do you call pet rabbits who are super cranky because of heat?
Hot cross buns.


It’s so hot, Bill Clinton slept with Hillary just to cool off.


My wife keeps turning off the air conditioning,
Not cool.


Why was it so hot inside after the baseball game?
All the fans left!


Why do we sweat a lot in summer?
Sweat is just your body crying because it wants you to stop moving


Recommended: Sweating Like A Jokes


What do fans do at hot, summer football games?
Heat waves.


During the heat wave, what came out of the sprinkler?
Steam.


In a heat wave, what do you call a 3-pointer on the court?
A hot shot.


What did the Christians say during the heatwave?
“Who turned the thermostat to ‘hell.’”


My mom told me I’m so bright…
She called me sun!


What does an elephant become after heat stroke?
An Elephaint.


What do you get when you cross an earthquake with a heat wave?
Shake ‘n’ Bake.


How do you beat the heat in the summertime?
Score more points than them.


What do you call an assassin that kills in summer?
The heat-man.


What is the heat index?
Somewhere between OMG and WTF!


Recommended: Summer Jokes


I am sweating like Prince Andrew outside Mothercare.


What did the fridge say to the oven?
“You’re kinda hot.”


It’s so hot, my car’s truck nuts are touching the road.


Why is it that the corner of a room is usually hot?
Because a corner is at 90 degrees.


It’s hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power.


Penises shrink in the cold, right? If heat did the opposite it would explain the saying:
“Everything’s bigger in Texas.”


Did you hear about the group of friends who visited France in the middle of summer?
So in the heat of the day, one of them jumped into the river. All his friends said that he was in Seine.


What’s the best way for a mountaineer to prevent heat stroke on a long hike?
Climb-it control.


It’s so hot in Phoenix that all of the petting zoos are now KFC.


Son: Dad, how hot is the sun?
Dad: Very hot son! Infact, if there were just 999 more suns the heat would be nearly equivalent to my hatred for your mother.


Recommended: It’s hotter than jokes


It’s so hot, Kanye West stepped out of the spotlight.


In the spring, what did the Earth say to the sun?
You need to lighten up, mate.


What do you call a librarian who has been sunburned?
Well red.


Why don’t football players feel the heat?
Because they have fans.


It’s so hot, I put in a DVD of Frozen and it played Waterworld.


I started using Only Fans and damn it’s hot.
I’m waiting for a technician to come to fix my air conditioner.


What do you call a sweaty breast?
Humidititty.


Why doesn’t the Sun attend college?
It need not, because it literally has a billion degrees and is already in UNIVERSity


What do you call a group of midgets in a heatwave?
Small fry.


How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool on a hot morning?
Say, ” Everyone out of the pool please.”


Recommended: Summer Memes


On a tropical beach, what do you call Gnasher?
A hot dog!


What is the best letter to have in the summer morning?
Iced T.


What do you get when you throw chilli into the sea?
Heat waves.


What happens when garlic feels hot?
Takes all its cloves off.


Which of these hot weather jokes did you find amusing? Tell us in the comments section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

Leave a Comment