You’ve got Pakistanis in the UK whose relationship with Brits is as complicated as assembling IKEA furniture without the manual. From cricket rivalries that could give the Ashes a run for its money, to a Pakistani community in the UK so vibrant you could make a drama series about it (and they have), these two countries are entangled like earphones in your pocket. Whether you’re enjoying a Sunday roast or a mouth-watering biryani, you can be sure that the Brits are trading more than just recipes with the Pakistanis; they’re trading cultural jokes in an endless comedy exchange program.

Asian groups are frequently derogatorily referred to, most notably using the term ‘Paki,’ which is really a shortened version of the word ‘Pakistani,’ but was used to refer to anybody from South Asia. In the political lobby, many people in the Left have been surprised to hear this term which has negative connotations and is frequently used as “friendly banter” and an acronym for the term “Pakistani,” being thrown around in the conversation.

Of course, many won’t like it but logically ‘Paki’ is the short form of ‘Pakistani.’ Some may have used this term to spread hate and bullying but here we are trying to create some laughs using Paki jokes. Be respectful and make sure not to hurt others’ feelings using our jokes.

Best Paki Jokes

What’s the difference between a nigger, a Paki and a Jew?
Nothing, if you’re a racist c*nt.

A Brit was telling his mate someone had written ‘Pakis fuck off, this is our town’ on a wall near his house.
“Good,” he said, “it’s great to see us standing up for ourselves for once.”
“It was written in Polish, ” Brit replied.

“Ha Jones, sit down, we’ve had a complaint from Mohammed about you using racist terms.”
“I’m sorry, Paki is short Pakistani, same as Scot is short for Scottish and Brit is short for British.”
“Yes, that may be, but you put the term Paki in between stinking and c*nt.”

What do you call a street with no pakis on it?
Quality street.

Abdul from up the street knocked on a Brit’s door,
“Mr Jackson, I have spoken with the street and we would like to buy your house off you.”
“Why?” the Brit asked, “I’m the only one on the street who isn’t a Pakistani.”
“Yes,” replied Abdul, “we know, we think you are devaluing our properties.”

Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English in three weeks.
After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for being more English by saying, “Every day I have taken my son to football practice and my daughter to dance class. I’ve recently started going to the pub and drink pints of Carling and every Friday I have fish&chips. My favourite football team is Manchester United. Beat that!”
The other Syrian simply replies, “Get out of my country, you fucking paki c*nt.”

What did the Brit say?
“My lawn is dryer than a paki’s bath mat.”

Did you hear that Oxford is introducing compulsory ‘race awareness’ classes for its students?
“I’m all for this, as it’s important to know the difference between Pakis, Chinks and coons.”

What’s the difference between the UK and Pakistan?
One is an Islamic republic where women are veiled and it is completely forbidden to criticize Islam. The other one is west of India.

A Brit was driving home when he came up to one of those half-barrier level crossings. The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so he pulled up sharply.
Suddenly this car full of Pakis pulled out and tried to beat the lights and barriers. They got halfway across when a large fully laden goods train hit them, the car disintegrated and all the occupants were killed instantly.
The man sat there open-mouthed and thought, “Jesus, that could have easily been me!”
So this morning he sent off my train driver’s application form to Network Rail.

What do you call a paki who came last in the 100-metre dash?
Ranshit.

A Paki was flying home to see his family.
He went to the ticket office but found out he was a pound short for his ticket, so he went up to a guy and said, “Excuse me please, I need one pound so I may go home to Pakistan.”
The guy gives him ten quid and says, “Here you go, take nine of your mates with you.”

A Pakistan bloke was showing me his tattoo.
“Isn’t that one of those that just washes off,” Brit asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied.

Common English mistakes:
Using they’re instead of their.
Using an apostrophe to indicate a plural.
Letting Pakis into the country.

What do you call a Chinese paki?
Groo Ming.

A Somali arrives in England as a new immigrant.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!” But the passer-by says, “You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani.” The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!”. The person says, “I no English, I from Hong Kong.”
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, “Thank you for the wonderful England!” That person says, “I am from Iran, I am not English.” He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an English citizen?” She says, “No, I am from Romania!” So he is puzzled, and asks her, “Where are all the English?”
The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says, “Probably at work.”

What do you call a Paki Elvis impersonator?
Amal Shookup.

A man just banged on his neighbour’s door there and shouted, “Can I use your phone? There’s been an accident along the road. A paki has been run down. He’s bleeding to death.”
The neighbour asked him, “What’s wrong with your own phone?”
He said, “The camera’s shit on mine.”

What do Pakis and cats have in common?
They both go fucking mental when you try to bath them.

Recommended: India vs. Pakistan Jokes

A man walks into a pub with an alligator under his arm.
“Excuse me,” he says to the barman. “Do you serve Pakis in this pub?”
“Certainly, sir.” says the barman.
“That’s good. A beer for me and a Paki for the alligator.”

A couple noticed a rancid smell and hadn’t seen the old woman from next door for weeks.
“Go and look through the letterbox,” the wife said.
Bravely the husband went up and had a look-see a sniff, their worst fears were confirmed… pakis had moved in.

People call Mohammed a paedophile for taking 6-year-old Ayesha as a wife but to be fair, she was a Paki. So that makes her 42 in dog years.

“Dad, on my way home from school I saw Santa beating a Pakistani man up outside a shop.”
“Well son, I don’t know what to say to you, I’m shocked.”
“So am I dad, I only posted the letter yesterday.”

An orphaned baby duck was wandering around not knowing what he was when he met a baby skunk who was also an orphan.
The baby duck says to the baby skunk, “Can you tell me what species I am? I’m an orphan you see.”
The baby skunk says, “Well, you’re brown and yellow with webbed feet and feathers, so you must be a duck!”
The baby skunk then asks, “I’m an orphan too, can you tell me what I am please?”
The baby duck says, “Well, you’re not quite black and not quite white and you stink like shit, so I reckon you must be a Paki!”

What’s the difference between a Paki and a letter?
You can send the letter back to where it came from.

“Well, Inspector, empty pill bottle, a bath full of water and wrists slashed. Obvious suicide.”
“Sorry Detective, Murder. How long have you been on the force?”
“Six years sir.”
“Well, I’ve been on the force thirty-two years and never seen a Paki in a bath yet.”

Recommended: Punjabi Jokes

Poor Abdul blows himself up only to be confronted by the forces of the universe known as ‘God’,
“Well Abdul my old son, you fucked up and got it wrong, Karma is the law of the universe, you are going back to live another life where you will be hated, despised and abused all your life till you learn your lesson. “
“No, please,” said Abdul, “please don’t send me back as Paki again, ” he pleaded.
“Of course, you’re going back as a Paki, ” said the God-like entity, “but it gets worse, “you’re going back as a Paki girl.”

What do you call two gay pakies?
Rammit and Jammit.

What do you call a Pakistani in a skip?
Rumajin.

A man goes into an antique shop, picks up a brass cat and asks the shopkeeper how much he wants for it. The shopkeeper replies, “£50 for the cat and £50 for it’s story.”
The guy decides to take the cat but not the story. On leaving the man notices a lot of cats following him. By the time he gets to a nearby river, there are thousands following, so he throws the brass cat into the river and all the cats jump in and drown.
The man goes back to the shop and the shopkeeper says, “I knew you’d be back for the story”
The man says, “Fuck the story, have you got a brass paki?”

Which television programmes do Pakistanis avoid?
The soaps.

A Paki dies and floats up to heaven.
As he gets to the pearly gates St. Peter opens them and the Pakistani guy says, “I’m here for Jesus.”
To which St Peter shouts, “Taxi for Jesus.”

Dave is a crazy taxi driver who likes to run over Pakis and hear the thud.
One day he picks up a little old lady. He’s driving along with her riding in the back when a Paki runs out in front of him.
Remembering his fare, Dave swerves and misses the Paki but still hears a thud.
Confused but polite, Dave turns to the little old lady and says, “Sorry love, I almost hit that Paki” to which she replies, “Don’t worry son, I got the c*nt with the door!”

What do you say to a Paki on Christmas Day?
“20 Bensons & a pint of milk, please?!”

A robber walks into a bank and shouts, “Freeze! Gimme all the money!” A brave customer grabs at his mask and says, “Ha! I’ve seen your face now” so the robber shoots him dead.
“Any of you other fuckers see my face?!” He demands.
Silence for a moment then a faint voice pipes up, “I think those Pakis in the corner got a glimpse!”

What do you call a paki with pink hair?
Gandhi Floss.

What’s the difference between a Paddy and a Paki?
Even though everyone hates the stinking Paki cunts, they would still prefer their daughter to marry one rather than a lazy alcoholic stupid arrogant thick violent Irish twat.

Recommended: Irish Jokes

How does every paki joke in London start?
By looking over your shoulder to see if there isn’t one driving a car.

An Englishman and a Paki take a bet as to who can stay longest in a cave that is inhabited by a skunk. The Englishman goes first and after half an hour runs out and says, “Jesus Christ, it fucking stinks!”
The Paki goes in and after only two minutes the skunk runs out.

What’s the difference between a paki and Arsene Wenger?
Wenger took the hint and f*cked off.

Three men: An Englishman, a Jew, and a Paki – are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they’re only young and haven’t led full lives. Eventually, Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth – on the one condition that they each pay him $500.
The Englishman pays his $500 straight away, and POOF!, he’s back in the same street he had just left. Immediately, he goes into the nearest pub, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.
Of course, they don’t believe him. “So,” asks one mate, “if all this is true, then where’s the Jew and the Paki?”
“Well,” says the Englishman, “when I left them, the Jew had him down to $100, and the
Paki was arguing that the government should pay for it.”

Why don’t Pakis play baseball?
Because every single one of them lives in the UK now.

How do you stop a Paki from raping white girls?
Don’t let him into your country in the first place.

Do you have a Paki joke? Write down your own Paki puns in the comment section below!