30 Funny Domestic Violence Jokes That Hit Too Close to Home

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Jessica Amlee

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Domestic violence is a severe issue that often hides in the shadows of our society, lurking behind closed doors and whispered secrets. It’s a pattern of behavior in a relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. This abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual, and it knows no boundaries of geography, age, race, religion, or socioeconomic status. At its core, domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a cycle of behaviors to control the other person, ranging from overt aggression to subtle manipulation. The best example is the Depp vs Heard. However, despite the somber nature of the testimony, which includes allegations of domestic abuse and violence from both sides, social media users have made the trial a joke.

DV jokes to the right audience who prefer dark humor are pretty popular right now. If you’re a snowflake, stay away from such topics and get your humor fix from popsicle sticks.

Best Domestic Violence Jokes

Why does the husband always go outside and do some garden work when his wife starts to sing?
So their neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

If a married couple in the city gets in a fight, it’s called domestic violence.
In the country, it’s called sibling rivalry.

Why shouldn’t you ever make jokes about domestic violence?
They really hit close to home

What’s the NFL’s No.1 Offense?
Domestic Violence.

Did you hear about the redneck magician?
He turns a 12-pack of beer into domestic violence.

Yo mama so fat, when she m*sturbates it counts as domestic violence.

Did you hear about the domestic violence awareness concert?
It was headlined by the Black Eyed Peas.

What’s the difference between Martial and Marital?
Whether the violence is domestic.

A cop was investigating a domestic violence call where a woman said that her husband beat her with a golf club. The cop held up a bloody club and asked the husband, “How many times did you hit her?”
The husband replied, “Seven or eight, but put me down for a four.”

What does it mean if Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland?
That the world wars are two cases of domestic violence.

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Did you hear about the Indian man who was charged with domestic violence?
He hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Domestic violence.

Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence?
Batteries included.

What does it take for policemen to change a tube light?
A domestic violence report.

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.
The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.
The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost everyone in this twisted family has a history of domestic violence. Not wanting to subject the poor boy to a life of physical punishment, the court decided to take a recess to brainstorm what to do with the son. The court eventually came to a historic and unprecedented conclusion:
The boy would be in the custody of the England national football team because they’re incapable of beating anyone.

There is nothing funny about watching domestic violence.
This is why it goes in the ‘Action’ folder instead of ‘Comedy’!

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO?
Amber Herd.

What happens when you mix Adolf Hitler and domestic violence?
Adolf Hit-Her.

Why did the blonde travel abroad with her boyfriend to beat him?
Cause at that point, it isn’t domestic violence anymore.

Yo mama so fat, the toilet called the cops for domestic violence when she tried to sit down.

What is the most played Indoor sport in India?
Domestic Violence.

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Did you know UFC has matches for both genders together?
It’s called Domestic Violence.

Dave is in court because of domestic violence.
“These papers say you beat your wife with a hammer,” says the judge. “Is this true?”
“Yes,” says Dave.
“Disgusting son of a bitch,” says a man in the audience.
The judge proceeds. “Then, two weeks later, you beat your wife’s mother with the same hammer. Is this true?”
“Yes,” Dave sighs.
Again, the same man in the audience exclaims, “Disgusting son of a bitch.”
The judge decides to do something about it. “Listen up, if you insult him one more time, you’ll be kicked outta here.”
“I’m sorry,” the man apologizes. “But I have been living in the same apartment as this motherf*cker for two years! And every single time I asked for a hammer, he said he didn’t have one!”

What’s your stance on domestic violence?
“I personally use the back side of my hand and sometimes my foot!”

What do you call the waiting room of a domestic violence shelter?
The punchline.

Why domestic violence is bad?
because the knuckles usually hurt after the session.

What is the difference between jokes about domestic violence and wives?
Nothing beats the jokes.

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What happens when a Muslim hits his wife?
It could be anything from domestic violence or child abuse. Someone said property damage out loud.

Do you have a funny joke about Domestic Violence? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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