Skeletons are the true stars of Halloween night, rattling their way into every haunted house and spooky story. They walk around with nothing to hide, literally, bones on full display, grinning like they know a secret no one else does. With their clattering steps and hollow eyes, they manage to be creepy and hilarious at the same time, which is why people love adding them to all things Halloween.
When it comes to Skeleton Jokes, the fun really begins. These bony characters have a way of making people laugh even when they’re supposed to be scary. Their bare-bones lifestyle and constant grin make them perfect for silly punchlines. It feels like skeletons were created not just for Halloween, but also to deliver comedy with every rattle and shake of their frame.
Best Skeleton Jokes
Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb.
When they dug the remains up, they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it, and after months of intense research, they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.
A skeleton walks into a bar…
And says, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
What room can’t a skeleton enter?
The living room.
Most of the staff at the cemetery quit recently.
Heard they’ve had to run the place with a skeleton crew.
What is a skeleton’s favorite form of measurement?
Graveyards!
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: “How old is this dinosaur skeleton?”
He replies: “It is sixty-five million and fourteen years and three months old.”
“Wow! It’s amazing that you can tell this precisely. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?”
“I don’t know,” says the guide. “But when I first came here, they told me it was sixty-five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago.”
Why do skeletons make bad comedians?
Because they don’t have a single funny bone in them. Except in the arm. That’s humerus.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
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Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Doctor (looking at the X-rays): “This is exactly what I was afraid of.”
Patient: “What?”
Doctor: “Skeletons.”
Why did the police officer arrest the skeleton?
They could see the joint in his hand.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the haunted house?
He didn’t have any guts.
The year is 2040. The first astronauts have landed on Mars. And in a cave, they find a cave with a human skeleton and 4 words inscribed on the ship beside him.
“British East India Company.”
What’s a skeleton’s favorite song lyric?
“I just want somebody to love!”
The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
“Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it’s able to absorb.”
“But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer.”
“Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility.”
What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
International hide and seek champion 1954.
Why didn’t the skeleton eat any spicy foods?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
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What do skeletons use to mug people?
A shoulder blade.
There are no skeletons in my closet.
The bodies haven’t decomposed yet.
A skeleton walks down the street.
He sees a hearse and yells, “TAXI!”
Where do you imprison a skeleton?
In a rib cage.
An archeologist walks into a bar, orders a beer, and gives a heavy sigh.
“What’s wrong?” the bartender asks. “I thought I discovered a fully intact dinosaur skeleton at my dig yesterday,” the archeologist laments.
“Sadly, upon further excavation today, it turns out that it was just a fossil arm.”
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What did the French skeleton say before he ate?
Bone apetit.
Did you hear about the skeleton that gives you a hug and a kiss?
Guess it’s an exoskeleton.
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Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn’t have the guts to fart.
Why aren’t skeletons funny?
Because the funny bone is actually a nerve.
Two skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle.
Suddenly, the one in the driver’s seat gets off again, runs back, and rips out its gravestone. The other asks, “What the hell do you need THAT for?”
And it answers, “Are you stupid? I can’t just drive without my ID!”
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts to.
Why didn’t the skeleton like to dance?
Because he had no body to dance with!
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper.
What do you call a family of skeletons sneaking around?
Skull kin.
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.
He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”
“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
“Bring me my wedge,” Joe shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight iron!”
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What do skeletons invest in?
Crypt-ocurrency.
How much storage does a skeleton have in his computer?
One terrorbyte.
Why does the skeleton go to church?
It keeps him on the straight and marrow.
How do skeletons get high?
Marrowana.
What would a human look like in 1000 years?
A skeleton.
A skeleton knocks on a doctor’s door.
It’s 2 am, and when the doctor opens the door, still in his pajamas, he takes one look at the skeleton and says:
“It’s a bit too late for that, don’t you think?”
A key that opens any lock is called a Skeleton Key. What do you call a lock that opens for any key?
A sh*tty lock.
What is a skeleton’s favorite snack?
Ribs.
Spare ribs.
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Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?
Because they’re easily rattled!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage?
They operated with a skeleton crew.
Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs.
Why should you never hire a skeleton army?
They have no skin in the game.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Skeleton.
(Skeleton who?)
Why’d you ask when there’s nobody there?
Two skeletons are talking together in the grave.
One turns to the other, and says, “Y’know, I was never very fond of trees while alive, but now that I’m dead, they’re growing on me.”
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Do you guys wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Never mind. I don’t have the guts to tell one.
What do you call a skeleton that doesn’t work hard?
A lazy bones!
Why wouldn’t the skeleton ride any roller coasters?
He just didn’t have the stomach for them.
You cannot trust people who decorate their houses for Halloween.
Too many skeletons in their closet.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-bony.
How do you keep a skeleton from joking?
Take away his funny bone.
Did you know skeletons are known for being messy?
They’re not very organ-ized.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
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What do you call someone who is in love with a skeleton?
A hopeless nec-romantic.
A skeleton was parked in a no-parking zone on Halloween.
“Aren’t you afraid of the police?” someone asked.
“No. They can’t pin anything on me!”
Isn’t it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons?
But I guess it’s just to bleach their bones.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
Why are haunted ships the most efficient?
Because they run with a skeleton crew.
Did you know?
There are enough bones in your body to make up a skeleton.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
“You’re dead to me.”
Why can’t skeletons create a choir?
They don’t have the organs.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument to play?
A TromBONE!
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Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why did the skeleton help the old lady cross the road?
It was no skin off his back.
How do the French study the skeleton?
They take your Bonaparte.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Why did the skeleton go to the grocery store?
To get some meat.
How much do bones weigh?
About a skeleTON.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
A skeleton almost killed me once…
He didn’t have the guts to finish the job.
What do you call a group of skeletons who do trick shots?
Doot perfect.
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Why did everyone laugh at the skeleton?
Because he was humerus.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
Where do skeletons go for a night out?
Anywhere as long as it’s a hip joint.
What do you call a skeleton that’s deceitful?
A boney!
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
What is a skeleton’s favorite vegetable?
Corn on the macabre.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
Tibial Pursuit.
How can you tell if a skeleton is sick?
By his coffin.
What did the skeleton say to the vampire on Halloween?
“You suck.”
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What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley-Davidson?
“I’m BONE to be wild!”
What’s a skeleton’s favorite type of danger?
Grave danger.
What movie stars skeleton dinosaurs escaping and terrorizing people?
Thoracic Park.
Why can’t skeletons play competitive sports?
They don’t have any skin in the game.
What is a skeleton’s weapon of choice?
A bone and marrow.
What kind of maracas do skeletons play?
The death rattle.
What did the skeleton say to the scammer?
“I wasn’t bone yesterday!”
What’s a skeleton’s favourite sauce?
Grave-y.
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What do you call a skeleton trying to sell a wall?
Ann Coulter.
How does a French skeleton say hello?
“Bone-jour.”
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skullptures.
What do you call a skeleton that likes weed?
The Grim Reefer.
Panda skeletons are boring.
They’re just bear bones.
What do you call a tired skeleton?
The Grim Sleeper.
What is it called when a skeleton works for free?
Pro Bono.
What do you call a skeleton who likes to hang out at coffee shops and listen to indie music?
A hip-ster.
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What did the skeleton say after reading Stephen King’s It?
“That book was bone-chilling.”
What is the skeleton’s type of workout?
A dead lift.
What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween?
Baaaaad to the bone.
Why do skeletons make terrible drivers?
They always dislocate the shoulder.
Why did the skeleton climb up a tree?
A dog was trying to chew his bones.
What is a skeleton’s favourite thing to do with their mobile phone?
Take skelfies.
What do we call skeleton fashion?
DRIP.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite fruit?
A bone-ana.
Where do skeletons go for education?
Skull.
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Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why didn’t the skeleton take the box from the morgue?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a beautiful Mexican skeleton?
Bone-ito.
Why don’t skeletons like fancy things?
It’s just bare-bones for them.
What do you call the skeleton of a shark that graduated from MIT?
Cartilagenius.
Why did Dr Frankenstein employ the skeleton?
The skeleton was a body snatcher.
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Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
Don’t make enemies of Archeologists.
They’re great at digging up dirt, and they know where all the skeletons are buried.
Why do undead make good thieves?
They have skeleton keys!
A skeleton who used to work in the mines is running towards you.
It has a bone to pick with you.
Why are skeletons bad drivers?
They keep getting themselves dislocated
Why did the skeleton go to a Grateful Dead show?
He heard they were “bone-afide” rock stars!
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner,
Which city has the most skeletons in it?
Lis-bone.
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Why did the skeleton drink a pitcher of water?
His throat was BONE dry!
What kind of clothes do skeletons wear?
Body bags.
What do you call a skeleton on the phone
Callcium.
Do you have a funny Skeleton Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare? To get his KIDneys