Mummies are most commonly associated with Egypt, but they can also be found in a variety of other locations across the world. Mummies from South America have been discovered in a number of nations, including Argentina, Peru, and Bolivia. Many mummies discovered in this region have been organically mummified by the environment, and others, like the Llullaillaco infants, were even sacrificed. As you see, certainly not something to joke about during Halloween.
Mummies were not always intended to be such famous film monsters. Their involvement in Hollywood is far more complicated, with the eerie silver screen adaptations having little to do with their ancient Egyptian source. But it was Hollywood that made mummies into monsters, whether it was Universal Pictures’ The Mummy in 1932 or the genre’s resurrection courtesy of 1999’s hit The Mummy and its sequels. Now come Halloween, mummies have joined the likes of the Draculas and Frankensteins on the list of classic Halloween monsters.
Best Mummy Jokes
Did you hear about the archaeologists finding a mummy adorned with ancient nuts and wrapped in gold foil?
They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
What’s mummy’s plan to destroy Superman on Halloween?
He’s going to lure him into the crypt tonight.
Why wasn’t the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Knock Knock!
(Who’s there?)
Ice Cream.
(Ice cream who?)
Ice cream every time I see a mummy!
What is the similarity between Egyptian babies and Kardashians?
Both didn’t know that one day their daddy would become a mummy.
Did you know they don’t have dad jokes in Egypt?
They are called mummy jokes.
What do you call the dream in which you keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking you while you are cooking?
Rameses kitchen nightmares.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
How does a mummy attract a mate?
Pharaoh moans.
Why did you go to Egypt for your honeymoon?
To make the wife a mummy.
What is totally untrue about mummies?
That they are all evil. They get a bad wrap.
What do naughty Egyptian girls become?
Mummies, I guess.
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Why did the pharaoh visit his parent’s tomb?
He missed his mummy.
Why didn’t the British boy’s mother ever dress up for Halloween?
Because she already was a mummy.
A mummy was discovered in Egypt, and three of the world’s greatest forensic teams agreed to hold a competition to estimate its age and other details.
The CIA took the lead. They investigated the mummy for a year and came to the conclusion that the individual lived around 1000 years BC, plus or less 200 years. The Mossad is up next. They investigate the mummy for a month and come to the conclusion that it was a pharaoh who reigned 1000 years ago, give or take 100 years.
The KGB team follows. They kept the mummy for a week and then came up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, who became king after murdering his uncle and reigned for five years, the Nile flooded Luxor in the third year of his reign, and the Hittites attacked in the fourth year. Everyone is shocked, “How did you find all this out?”
“He confessed.”
Why don’t mummies like vacations?
They’re afraid to unwind!
What’s the difference between Putin and a Mummy?
One’s old and lifeless, the other’s cold and wifeless!
Why did Oedipus become an archeologist?
He liked uncovering mummies.
How do The Offspring store mummies?
“You gotta keep ’em desiccated.”
Where did the mummy drink his espresso?
In his Sar-coffee-gus.
Why are mothers the best at Pictionary?
Because mummies know hieroglyphics.
What movie is universally loved by all orphans in England?
The Mummy Returns.
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Do mummies enjoy being mummies?
Of corpse!
An archaeologist was excavating in the desert near Jerusalem when he discovered a crude sarcophagus. When he opened it, he discovered a fully intact mummy. Further study convinced him that he needed to have this mummy examined by professionals, so he called a museum in Jerusalem and informed the curator that he had just discovered a mummy that was around 3500 years old and had died of a heart attack. Despite the curator’s reservations, the remains were transferred to the museum and meticulously examined.
Days later, the archaeologist received a phone call from the curator, who wanted to congratulate him on the magnificent mummy and learn how he precisely dated the remains and determined the cause of death without using x-rays or any of the museum’s highly technological gear. “Well, I noticed he had a piece of parchment in his hand,” the archaeologist explained.
Being able to read the older languages, I saw that it said, “10,000 shekels on Goliath.”
Why don’t mummies get involved with other people?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?
People say it’s cause he has the tightest wraps.
What do necrophiliacs and mummies have in common?
They both come in a coffin.
What do you call a mummy that’s been knighted by the queen?
Sir Cophagus.
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot-in-common.
Why should you marry an Egyptian woman?
They make great mummies.
What do you call a male mummy with a cold?
Sir Cough.
What is the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy’s Day.
What do you call an Egyptian mummy that thinks it’s a doctor?
A Cairopractor
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A mummy calls a restaurant.
“Hello, I’d like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.”
“Could you spell it out, please?” said the voice from the restaurant.
“Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”
Did you hear they found a mummy without bandages?
Archeologists think they started the mummification process but didn’t have time to wrap it up.
What is the motto of the New Egyptian undertakers that have opened up in town?
“Satisfaction Guaranteed….Or Your Mummy Back.”
Why did the Pharaoh’s marriage fall apart?
It was the fault of his mummy-in-law.
What did Pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid?
Mummy’s home.
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced he’s the ruler of Egypt?
When told ‘that’s impossible’ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river. Now, people say he’s in da Nile.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Ryan Gauzeling.
Who tucked King Tut to sleep?
His mummy.
Why are mummies so good at protecting their data?
Because everything they have is encrypted.
Why aren’t there any female werewolves?
Because they all want to be mummies.
How do mummies hide?
They use masking tape.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus.
They walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says, “We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale.”
The salesman asks, “You’re not looking for a fancy one?”
The second Pharaoh says, “No, we are just trying to get our mummy’s worth.”
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What’s a mummy’s favorite type of investment security?
Cryptocurrency.
Why did the Mummy’s Pancake House fail?
Because he gave everybody the crepes.
Did you know Brendan Fraser took a Business Ethics class before filming The Mummy Returns?
He wanted to learn about pyramid schemes.
What did the director say when the movie The Mummy was finished filming?
“That’s a wrap.”
Why did the mummy get fined by the Federal Communications Commission?
Too much cursing.
Why did Egyptian embalmers put the mummy’s innards in jars?
They wanted to stay organized.
Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell.
Why didn’t the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
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Why was the mummy writing a letter to the poltergeist?
Because it had received a ghost card.
What do you call two mummies living together?
Piramates.
Who did the mummy take to the Halloween party?
His ghoul friend.
On a field trip to the museum, a third-grade class comes across a mummy exhibit.
In front of the display is a placard that reads “2982 BC.”
“What do you think that means?” one of the kids asks his pal.
His friend thinks for a few seconds, then says, “It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him.”
Where do mummies go swimming?
The Dead Sea.
Why couldn’t the mummy answer the phone?
She was tied up.
What kind of makeup do Egyptian mummies wear on Halloween?
Mas-scare-a.
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How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope.
What was King Tuts favorite card game?
Gin Mummy.
Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
He was old enough to leave home.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Mum.
Mum who?
Mummy, that’s who!
Why didn’t the mummy know where he was?
He skipped history lessons.
Why did the mummy schedule an MRI?
He thought he had a tomber.
What subject did the mummy study at university?
Cryptography.
Did you know the first trans people came from Egypt?
It was when daddy’s became mummy’s.
How does a mummy know how to speak English?
Investigative journalism.
What does a 1000-year-old vagina taste like?
Your Mummy.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father’s Day?
Because they’re so full of mummies
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What did the pharaoh say to the pyramid salesman?
“Shut up and take my mummy!”
An Egyptian mummy walks into a bar.
Barman says, “Long time, no see.”
The mummy replies, “I was all tied up.”
Which monster is best at paying attention to a speech?
Mummies. They sit there rapt.
Yo mama so old, even the ancient Egyptians called her “mummy!”
Why were the gassy mummies such great friends?
They had Tutankhamen.
Did you hear about the man who says that he wants to sleep with Cleopatra?
He just has mummy issues.
What did one pyramid say to the other?
“How’s your mummy!”
Did you like these jokes about mummy? Let us know your witty Halloween puns and one-liners.
