Viagra, scientifically known as sildenafil, stormed the market in the late 1990s and changed the game for countless individuals. It’s a little blue pill with mighty powers, intended to treat erectile dysfunction and ensure that the flag stays flying at full mast if you catch my drift. As a groundbreaking solution to a sensitive issue, Viagra became a cultural phenomenon, turning bedroom whispers into bold, empowered conversations at dinner tables and pharmacy counters.
Naturally, where there’s a pop culture staple, there are jokes to be cracked, and Viagra, despite its stiff subject, is no exception. Viagra jokes have become the life of many parties, given the pill’s undeniable presence in our lives. Have you heard about the guy who took Viagra and a sleeping pill at the same time? He didn’t know if he was coming or going! Or what about the one where Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea? It doesn’t enhance performance, but it prevents your biscuit from going soft! These puns highlight society’s ability to find humor in just about anything, giving a lighthearted spin to a topic that might otherwise rise to awkwardness.
Best Viagra Jokes
Did you hear about the man who takes Viagra for his sunburn?
It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off his legs when he sleeps.
What’s the medical name for Viagra?
Mycoxaflopin.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
Have you ever overdosed on Viagra?
It will be the hardest day of your life.
Yo mama so ugly, her d*ldo needs Viagra.
Did you know that more money is spent on boob jobs and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research? By 2040 the elderly will have perky t*ts, stiff c*cks, and no f*cking idea why!
What happens when you combine some Viagra with penis enlarging pills and dissolve them in some eye drops?
It makes you take a long, hard look at yourself.
A lady walked Into a pharmacy and spoke with the pharmacist
She asks the pharmacist if he has Viagra. “I sure do” he responds. “Does it actually work?”. “Of course it does.” He responds. “Can you get it over the counter?” She asks.
“I can if I take two.”
Did you hear that Grandpa recently had to start using Viagra?
Grandma took it pretty hard.
Viagra was banned in China by the government.
They don’t want to admit they have election problems.
Why is Viagra a gateway drug?
It leads to harder things.
A little boy has diarrhea and tells his mom he needs Viagra.
Mom replies, “What the hell for?”
The boy replies, “Isn’t that what you give dad when his shit doesn’t get hard?”
A husband and wife agreed that the husband has some erectile dysfunction issues.
Their approaches, however, are different. She bought him a pack of Viagra. He bought her a gym membership.
Recommended: Erectile Dysfunction Jokes
Why was the crocodile taking Viagra?
He was suffering from eREPTILE disfunction.
Do you want to know what happens when you give a politician Viagra?
He gets taller.
The makers of Viagra have announced that they have developed a pill to increase the wetness in women.
They’re calling it Niagra.
A guy tried to cure his depression with Viagra.
It didn’t work. Things were getting harder and harder.
A man is visiting his elderly father in a care home.
The man asks how his father is settling in.
“Oh, it’s wonderful son, I’ve made some great friends, I’m well rested and at night the nurses give us a hot chocolate and a Viagra before bed every night”.
When leaving, curious to know about Viagra, he asks a nurse.
“Excuse me, my dad told me that you serve him hot chocolate and Viagra before bed every night, why?”
The nurse replies, “Oh, the hot chocolate is to help them fall asleep.”
“And the Viagra is to stop them rolling out of bed!”
What happens if a person overdoses on Viagra?
They ‘die hard.’
Do you know what the generic name for Viagra is?
Dixadroopin.
What company is going to start selling pills that are the opposite of Viagra?
Ubisoft.
Viagra now comes in a nasal spray.
It’s for dick heads.
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A lady goes to the doctor for help with her sex life.
Doctor: Give your husband Viagra.
Lady: I can’t, he hates pills.
Doctor: Just put it in his coffee.
Next week she returns, unhappy.
Doctor: Was it good?
Lady: It was the worst sex I ever had. He had a few sips of coffee, then he pushed everything off the table and f*cked me on it right then and there.
Doctor: Well, then what’s wrong?
Lady: I’ll never be able to show my face at Starbucks again.
Did you hear about the guy who died from a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his coffin.
Why is Viagra like Disneyland?
You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
An 85-year-old man, who has been a single widower for 30 years, gets engaged to a 27-year-old girl.
He goes to his doctor for a Viagra prescription in preparation for his wedding night.
The doctor tells him, ” I need to warn you that given the length of time that you have been abstinent and the potency of this drug, sex could prove to be fatal.”
The old man says, “Doc, if she dies, she dies.”
What do you call a box of Viagra pills?
An expansion pack.
Why Viagra employees are so disciplined?
They work really hard.
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulled out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”
The dentist then returns and says, “Here is a Viagra tablet.”
The patient says, “Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist and continued:
“But it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”
Why shouldn’t you use Viagra if you’re also taking an iron supplement?
You’ll spend several hours facing north.
Why does the US military spend $41m on Viagra?
Rain or shine, cold or hot, it’s the best way to get their privates to stand at attention for more than 4 hours.
A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. “How come you are sweating?” he asks. The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”
What’s the difference between Niagara and Viagra?
Niagara falls.
What are the two main ingredients in Viagra?
Miracle grow and fix a flat.
A man walked into his doctor’s office and asked him for 3 Viagra pills.
The doctor asked, “Why only 3?”
The man said, “Well, Friday my secretary is coming over, Saturday my girlfriend is coming over, and Sunday, my wife is coming home from her vacation.”
The doctor said, “That’s more than I wanted to know, but here’s your 3 pills.”
A week later the doctor saw the man at the gas station, his arm in a cast and sling.
“What happened to you? Did the women all find out about one another?” the doctor asked.
The man said, “No… nobody showed up!”
What do you call a guy who snorts Viagra?
F*ck Nose.
What do you call cheap deer Viagra?
A bang for your buck.
Grandpa snoops into the medicine cabinet where he finds a bottle of Viagra in the bathroom medicine cabinet, he asks his son about using one of the pills.
The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.” “How much?” asked Grandpa. “$10. a pill,” answered the son. “I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.”
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10, not $110. “I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”
What do you call it when a carpenter takes Viagra?
Wood working.
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.
They call it mourning wood.
A man goes to the pharmacist and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills.
The pharmacist is confused and asks, “Why 3 1/2?”
The man responds, “Well, on Monday I am going to see my mistress and I need two. I need one for Wednesday with my wife. And on Friday, I am going to the sauna and it just needs to look presentable.”
Why do band members take Viagra before a show?
To make them rock hard for a long time!
What did the man say after accidentally taking Viagra instead of his sleeping pills?
“Now I’ll be up all night.”
An old man walks into a chemist and starts examining packs of Viagra.
The Nurse asks, “Do you need any help there, sir?”
The old man says, “Yes, every Saturday my wife wants to have sex, but unfortunately, I can never get an erection. Which brand of Viagra would you recommend?”
The nurse says, “Well sir, everyone is different, but if you come with me to the counter, I can get you a pack that is proving very popular with our customers.”
The old man follows the nurse to the counter, she turns around, bends over, and picks up the Viagra from the bottom shelf, as she turns back around, the old man is already walking away.
While walking away, the old man says, “Thank you very much, I’ll see you again next Saturday.
Did you know Viagra is a vitamin?
It helps build strong bones.
Why should you avoid people who’ve had complications with Viagra?
They’re stuck up.
A husband dies after consuming spaghetti.
The doctor says, “It appears that your husband died from a pierced abdomen.”
The Wife says, “How is it possible? All he had was spaghetti.”
The doctor says, “After consuming spaghetti, he took some Viagra. You know what that does to limp noodles.”
Have you heard about the new Viagra biscuits?
They never go soft.
Why couldn’t they reach a verdict in the Viagra fraud trial?
It was a hung jury.
A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex.
Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it’s working.
So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband’s Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she’s running around thrilled and happy.
“Oh, my God. I can’t believe how well that worked,” she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she’s even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.
Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, “Little boy, is your mother home?”
“No, she’s…who’s this?” the little boy asks. “I’m a friend of your mother’s and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it’s going?”
“That was you?!” the little boy says. “Let me tell you — Mom’s dead, sister’s pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad’s in the attic going, ‘Here kitty, kitty, kitty.’ “
What do you call Viagra for Pokemon?
PP UP.
Did you hear they are rebranding Viagra?
It’s now being referred to as “The Necromancer.”
A woman calls 911 and paramedics rush her unconscious husband to the hospital She limps into the ER as the nurses wheel him in on a stretcher, his enormous erection clearly visible under the sheet. The doctor runs some tests and says to her “Ma’am, it appears your husband overdosed on Viagra and is in a coma. How long has he been like this?”
“About 4 days,” she replies.
“4 days?! Why did you wait until now to get help?”
“I ran out of lube this morning!”
What do the iPhone 14 and Viagra have in common?
They’re both $800 for an extra inch!
How is child support and Viagra the same?
They both make it hard for you.
An elderly gentleman went to the local drugstore and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra.
“How many do you want?” asked the pharmacist.
The man replied, “Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces.” Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, “That’s too small a dose. That won’t get you through intercourse.”
The old fellow said, “Oh, I’m past ninety years old and I don’t even think about that anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
What does a man do after consuming only half a pill of Viagra?
Nothing… just f*cking around a bit.
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus?
It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I’ve never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny.. keep potent.” The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with the label “Viagra Extra Strength” and says, “Here, if you eat this, you’ll go NUTS for 12 hours!”
The man says, “Gimme 3 boxes.” The next day, he walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist, and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man’s penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places. The man says, “Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay.”
The pharmacist replies, “BEN GAY?!?!?! You’re not going to put Ben Gay on THAT, are you?” The man says, “Naw, it’s for my arms. The girls didn’t show up!!”
Did you hear about the Viagra Olympics?
The competition is stiff.
What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
Erection Fraud.
Do you have a funny Viagra joke? Write down your own Viagra puns in the comment section below!
I’m reaching out on behalf of a golf buddy of mine who needs some help!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.
Anyway, he’s looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.
I got a Viagra stuck in my throat this morning.
I had a stiff neck all day.
I only take Viagra every other day.
My s*x life has its ups and downs.