Navigating a world steeped in sound while living in silence is a unique challenge faced by individuals with hearing loss. Imagine a bustling city street where cars honk, vendors shout, and music plays—yet for the deaf community, this vibrant soundscape translates into a silent movie.
Everyday tasks like answering a phone call become intricate dance moves of adapted techniques and technology. While lip reading is an impressive skill many acquire, it’s not without its quirky misinterpretations. “Pass the peas” can sometimes look suspiciously like “pat the bees,” and you can imagine the comedic situations that might ensue!
So, where do deaf jokes enter the picture? Comedy is a reflection of the human experience, highlighting its idiosyncrasies and peculiar challenges. Jokes about the deaf community might emphasize the humorous misunderstandings or the unique ways in which they navigate a world tuned to a different frequency.
However, the intent should never be to mock, but rather to highlight the shared human experience of adapting, overcoming, and sometimes, laughing at the unexpected twists life throws our way. Because whether you hear laughter or see it in the sparkling eyes of someone communicating in sign language, its resonance is universal.
Best Deaf People Jokes
Did you hear about the man whose deaf girlfriend just told him, “We need to talk”?
That’s… not a good sign.
What do you call a group of deaf people?
Don’t know. But it is definitely not herd.
A deaf girl and an amputee missing both his arms are in a relationship.
They have communication problems.
A deaf guy walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The deaf guy says, “I’ll have a beer.”
Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy?
Neither did he.
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor doctor I think I’m going deaf.”
And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms?”
And he says, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”
What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?
“I’ve won, but at what cost?”
Eva you’re deaf or your doorbell isn’t working!
Yo mama so ugly, she makes deaf people wish they’d go blind.
What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
What’s the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?
One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can’t hear.
A man is sitting on the train, chewing gum in silence.
After a while, an elderly lady leans forward from the opposite and says, “Sir, it’s very kind of you to tell me so much, but unfortunately I’m deaf!”
What do you call it when a deaf person goes to court?
Not a hearing.
Why do farts smell?
So that deaf people can enjoy them too.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million.
The bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather confronts Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where’s the money? “
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where’s the money?”
Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s temple, and says, “Ask him again!”
The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido signs back, “OK.! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, ” He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man.
A passerby asks, “How long until we end this senseless violence?”
Recommended: Blind Jokes
Who doesn’t know about blind people?
Deaf people probably never heard of them.
Yo mama so stupid, she told a deaf guy that a blind guy was staring at him!
How do you stop an argument between 2 deaf people?
Turn off the lights.
What do deaf fish wear?
Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Rhonda, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.
Next, he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
A gain he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. “Rhonda, what’s for dinner?”
“Damn it, Steve, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do.
Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf … but he didn’t listen.
Deaf people probably get very excited when going on Omegle for the first time
“OMG How did you know?!”
What do you call a deaf dog?
Doesn’t matter, he ain’t coming.
A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.
“Hi!” says the woman cheerfully, “Just so you know, I’m deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I’ll let you know if I didn’t catch something. So, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a ventriloquist,” says the man.
“What?” says the woman.
What if a deaf kid swears in sign language?
His mom wash his hands with soap.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school for the deaf?
Neither did they.
Yo mama so deaf, that when they told her to sit down, she said, “What other way would it fall?”
What do you call a deaf person who can’t sign the letter ‘e’?
A woman has two admirers.
One of them is a doctor, and the other is a deaf guy. Every day, the doctor gives the woman a rose. And every day, the deaf guy gives her an apple. One day, the woman says to the deaf guy, “Hey, that doctor gives me a rose every day, and I get the symbolism of that. But why do you give me an apple a day?”
To which the deaf guy responds, “WHAT?”
Do you know that deaf people aren’t known to be very rational?
They have trouble making sound decisions.
Why calling a color-blind person racist the same as calling a deaf person?
What do you call a jungle animal that can’t keep a beat?
A deaf leopard.
How do pirates overthrow their deaf captain?
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
“Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.”
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
“Spider, walk left.”
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
“Spider, move right.”
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider’s legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
The spider didn’t move.
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
“This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider’s legs, it goes deaf.”
How do deaf mathematicians communicate?
Through sine language.
When you see a deaf couple holding hands, maybe it’s not romantic.
Maybe they just want each other to shut up.
What did the deaf light bulb say when it got proposed to?
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?” “Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.” “I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”
What is Jesus’ favorite band?
What do you call an old person that can hear pretty well?
What’s the worst thing for a deaf person with HIV?
A blind man, paraplegic, and deaf man visit a healer on a mountain.
The blind man goes up the trail using his white cane. Arriving at the top he asks to be healed and so it is. He throws his cane off the mountain and comes back down.
The paraplegic goes up the mountain with great difficulty and asks to be healed and so it is. He throws his wheelchair off the mountain and comes back down.
The deaf man ponders the situation. He’s gonna need an interpreter to help him at the top and so the two of them sets off to the top. At the top, he asks to be healed and so it is. He throws the interpreter off the mountain and comes back down.
How do you tell a deaf girl you are into her?
You throw her a sign.
What do you call a Grim Reaper with hearing problems?
How do deaf bears communicate?
They use Ursine Language.
Why did the swimming pool go deaf?
Because it had too high a volume.
Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George’s hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.
An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers’ picture. “I’m going to take your picture,” she said.
“What did she say?” asked Ted. “She says she’s going to take our picture,” replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.
Inside the room were two chairs. “Now sit down in these chairs,” she said.
“What did she say?” asked Ted. “She says we should sit down in these chairs,” replied George. So George and Ted sat down in the chairs.
The photographer pulled out her camera and pointed it at the birthday brothers. “Now let me focus,” she said.
“What did she say?” asked Ted. “She says she’s going to focus,” replied George.
“Wow!” exclaimed Ted. “Both of us at the same time?”
What do you call a terrorist who signs?
A deaf threat.
A deaf couple are on a road trip. The wife signs to the husband that she is tired, and that they should look for a motel for the night. The husband pulls over into the next motel, and they reserve a room.
In the middle of the night, the husband wakes up with a splitting headache. He signs to his wife and his wife if they have any ibuprofen. The wife groggily replies to check the glove compartment in the car.
The man, half asleep, gets out of bed, walks out to the car, and finds the pills in the glove compartment.
He gets out of the car to make his way back to the room but immediately forgets which room is his. So he gets back into the car and SLAMS on the horn and holds it.
Little by little, every room in the motel turns on its light. All but one. That’s his room!
A group of deaf people gets together to protest.
The group begins chanting, “What do we want?”
“When do we want them?”
King Kong was climbing the Empire State Building and roaring because he was deaf and nobody could understand him.
A woman who’s an interpreter catches his attention because she’s signing. Kong picked her up and for the next three days, they talked, her in the palm of his hand. By the third day, he realized he was in love with her.
So he signed to her, “Will you marry-oh…. !
A deaf man is driving his car and approaches a railroad crossing where the railroad guards are down.
After waiting several minutes, it becomes obvious that the guards aren’t going to go up, so the deaf man gets out of the car to walk to the railway station next door. A man answers the door but doesn’t understand any sign language. Quickly, the station agent gets out a pen and paper and writes, “How may I help you?”
To which the deaf man replies, “Please but.”
The king was in the mood of impressing his courtiers.
He said, “I was on my way through the jungle, just enjoying the scenery and the fresh air, but all of a sudden there was a lion blocking our way.”
Engrossed, the courtiers were on the edge of their seats. “I didn’t want to kill the beast in front of my little girl, who was with me for the trip. So, I growled at the lion.” The king continued.
“Then what happened?” A courtier asked. “The Lion growled back to me but I growled back, even harder. The lion was taken aback by my deep and loud growling so it turned around and ran away,” the king said proudly.
“Wow, the lion ran away by just the king’s growling.” The courtiers said to each other, impressed.
Suddenly, a boy came running in. ” Your Highness, a lion just entered the town. What should we do?”
“I’m not afraid of a lion. Let me know when it comes to the palace.” The king said. The boy nodded and ran.
After a few minutes, the boy came back. “Your Highness, the lion just entered the palace gates”.
The courtiers were stunned by the news. “No need to be afraid, I’m here. Let me know when the lion enters the palace.” The king said. The boy nods and leaves. After a few minutes, he comes back. “Your Highness, the lion is here, “He said pointing at a huge lion at the entrance of the court.
It was the biggest beast the king ever saw. The courtiers were afraid and looked to their king to save them. The lion walked in. With no other option, the king growled at the lion. The lion kept on walking. Sweat starts forming on king’s forehead. He growled again, but louder. “Aaarrgggh”. The lion kept on walking with a mean look on his face. The courtiers were trembling with fear but had trust in their king.
Drenched with sweat, the king growled again with all his strength. “Aarrrgghhhhrrrowwwllll”. Unaffected, the lion kept on walking.
Suddenly, the king jumped up and shouted. ” RUN! The lion is f*cking deaf!”
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphan get for Christmas?
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident
When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says “If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. Just f*ck off straight to hell!”
Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
St. Peter calls after them, “AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
What do you call a blind, deaf, mute but adorable fluffy cartoon cat?
Recommended: Helen Keller Jokes
Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can’t see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.”
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time.”
“If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis….fifty times.”
What did the deaf nymphomaniac say?
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said, “The cucumbers are growing fairly well, they’re this big” and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said, “That’s great! The carrots are doing great too, they’re this big” and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts, “Which priest are you talking about?”
Why do deaf people m*sturbate with one hand only?
So that they can moan with the other one.
What do you call it when a deaf girl jacks you off?
It’s technically oral.
Do you have a funny deaf joke? Write down your own deaf puns in the comment section below!