80 Funny Donut Jokes to Keep You Glazed and Amused

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Jessica Amlee

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Doughnuts – they’re not just for breakfast anymore. In our whimsical world of humor, we celebrate these sweet treats with a collection of doughnut jokes guaranteed to make you smile. A delightful mix of wordplay, puns, and gentle teasing centered around these ring-shaped delights makes for a perfect humor-filled snack.

From jokes about glazed doughnuts that are ‘out of this world’ to the classic doughnut hole conundrums, these funnies are a nod to doughnut lovers everywhere. Whether you’re a fan of the simple sugar dusted or the fancifully frosted, prepare to have your funny bone tickled with this compilation of the best doughnut jokes that promise to be as satisfying as your favorite morning treat.

Best Donut Jokes

“Your eyes look red.” said the cop. “Have you been smoking weed?”
“Your eyes look glazed.” the man replied. “Have you been eating donuts?”

When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.

What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Doughnut hole me back.”

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Doughnut who?)
Doughnut pull my dog’s tail, or he’ll bite you!

Do you know life is like a box of donuts?
Doesn’t last long if you’re fat.

What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?
“If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole!”

Yo mama so dumb, she returned the donuts to Krispy Kreme because they had holes in them.

Did you hear about the man who is going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store?
He says, “I’ll call it glazed and confused.”

What do you get when you plant a donut?
A pastree.

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?
He was fed up with the hole business.

Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
“Wow!! Donut seeds!”

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team.

Where do Irish people go for breakfast?
Drunkin Donuts.

How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?
Cut out the middle, man.

What did the donut say to the cop?
“Don’t taste me, bro!”

A Scotsman walks into a bakery and asks, “Is that a donut or a meringue?”
The baker says, “Nah you’re right, it’s a donut.”

Two magicians walk into a bakery
The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit.
The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he’d like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims “Ta-Dah.” The bakery is angered and asks “Well what’s the magic trick?” The second magician replies “Look in my friend’s pocket.”

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?
Hole foods.

Recommended: Bagel Jokes

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?
Dunkin’ Donuts.

Don’t you know the difference between doughnuts and donuts?

How are women like the police?
Once they’ve settled on a partner they eat a lot of donuts and then grow a mustache.

What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?

Yo mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole.

What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut Disturb.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Donut who?)
Donut ask, it’s a secret!

What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?
Eat donuts.

Do you know why Jesus loves Donuts?
Because theyre not self-centered.

A donut walks into a church and approaches the priest.
“Excuse me, Father,” the donut says, “I don’t mean to trouble you, but I’m very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers.”
The priest after taking a moment to accept the fact that he’s speaking with a pastry – offers a warm smile in response. “That is truly a noble calling,” he says. “Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to priesthood.”
“That sounds like a very involved process,” the donut confesses. “I’m not sure I have the time.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” replies the priest, “what made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you’re not willing to make a commitment to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?”
“Well,” the donut answers, “see, it’s because I’m holey.”

What do you call 13 bad donuts?
A baker’s doesn’t.

If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?

Recommended: Diabetes Jokes

Why do feminists hate danishes and donuts?
Because they’re a part of the pastriarchy.

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought Cheerios was Doughnut Seeds.

Have you heard of the robbery at the donut store?
The robbers left with buns glazing.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Donut who?)
Donut forget to share these jokes, there’s enough for everyone!

Do you know why donuts have a hole in them?
Because the baker made them with love.

An angry customer walks back into a donut shop.
He says to the worker, “Why isn’t my donut glazed?!”
The worker responds, “Look, sir, I’m not going to sugar coat it.”

What do you see when Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

How do American police stop shooters?
They donut.

Why do cops love an icy winter morning?
So they can do donuts in the parking lot.

What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.

Where were the first donuts made?
In Grease.

A boy comes home from school at 7 pm.
His dad says, “Where were you?”
“I was with Jessica.” He replied. “What were you doing?” “We were studying.”
After picking a snack off the table the son says, “These fishcakes are lovely.”
The dad replies, “Wash your hands son; they’re f*cking donuts.”

What do you call a kilogram of donuts?
Property of obesity.

Aren’t a donut and a danish the same thing?
Well, they are both synonym rolls!

Do you know vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops?
They’re torus traps.

Why was the transgender deer standing in line at a bakery?
She heard she could buy some donuts.

What’s a donut’s astrological sign?

What did Yoda say when the bakery was out of pies?
Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie.

Did you hear about the customer who went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if he wanna box?
He has been banned for life from that shop.

How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam?
She passed with frying crullers.

What did the Woodpecker say to the donut?
“You’ve got the sweetest hole I ever put my pecker in.”

What do you call a donut with no holes?
A dnut.

What do you call uncivilized donuts?

What do donut shops and funeral homes have in common?
They are mostly for mourning people.

What do you call donut-shaped pane of glass?
A window washer.

A Buddhist monk travels to NYC.
He then craves food, finally ending up in a confectionery. He chooses a donut and then takes it to the counter. The monk asks the shopkeeper the price of the donut. The owner said $7.85. The monk handed the keeper a $10 note.
After taking the dollar the keeper started attending other customers. The monk infuriated asks the keeper, “Where is the change?”
The keeper with a straight face answered, “Change comes within!”

What’s the opposite of Donut?

Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling!

What did the cupcake say at the jelly donut party?
“Where all the holes at?!”

What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other’s eyes.

What do you get when you put the middle back in a donut?
A donut whole.

What kind of donut can fly?
A plain donut.

Who is the most eligible guy at a nudist resort?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand. And a dozen donuts.
Who is the most eligible woman at a nudist resort?
The one who can eat the last donut.

What do you call a donut warrior?
A glaze-iator.

What’s under the dough boy’s apron?

What’s the difference between a Doughnut and a Pretzel?
One once was hole, but now it’s knot.

Why do vampires love National Doughnut Day?
Sounds like a holiday they can really sink their teeth into.

An Admiral paid a visit to one of the ships in his command. He was impressed to see the Naval emblem embossed on every biscuit while eating breakfast with the crew.
He went to Chief Cook to find out how this accomplishment was accomplished so that it may be replicated on other ships under his command.
The Chief replied, “I’d be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia.
Horrified the Admiral exclaims, “That’s very unhygienic!”
The Chief shrugs and replies, “Well If that’s the way you feel, sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts.”

Why did the donut store owner become a p*rn star?
He had a Long John.

Why do female donuts have holes?
The male donuts are cream-filled.

Two guys are talking in a jail cell.
One asks the other, “What are you in for?”
The second guy replies, “Ooh I just robbed a bank. How about you?”
The first guy responds with hesitation, “I’m in here for public indecency. I was caught doing donuts in a parking lot.”

Why do golfers love doughnuts?
Always a hole-in-one!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Doughnut who?)
Doughnut forget to bookmark HumorNama for more jokes!

As you relish these delicious donut jokes, why not cook up some of your own? We’re sure you’ve got a joke or two that could take the (donut) cake! Share your funniest donut puns or jokes in the comments below and let’s continue the sweet laughter together!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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