80 Funny Midget Jokes That Are Ridiculously Dark Plus Dirty

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Jessica Amlee

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Midget is an old term that’s been used to describe people of short stature, typically those who have a height of 4’10” (147 cm) or shorter. Over time, the term has become outdated and is considered derogatory, with “little person” or “dwarf” being preferred. These individuals often face a world not designed for their size. From towering kitchen shelves to awkwardly high ATM machines, it’s a daily obstacle course that requires creativity, determination, and sometimes a trusty stool. Yet, with these challenges comes a unique perspective (literally) on life that many of us might overlook.

Why are jokes about midgets so prevalent in offensive comedy? It’s because of the classic comedic formula of playing with contrasts and subverting expectations. The contrast between a little person and a “big” world sets the stage for humor.

However, it’s important to remember that there’s a fine line between good-natured teasing and pure disrespect. When done kindly, humor can highlight the unique challenges faced by little people and even promote understanding. But, like all jokes about personal attributes, the key is to laugh with, not at. In the end, humor is a way to navigate the many different facets of life, no matter our perspective.

Funny Midget Jokes

What do you call a dwarf in a tumble dryer?
A midget spinner.

Why are there no midget accountants?
They always come up short.

What is the preferred pizza for epileptic midgets?
Little Seizures.

Yo mama so short, even the Smurfs thought she was a midget.

What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph cause he isn’t a full essay.

Prison Guard 1: Is that a midget prisoner walking down the stairs?
Prison guard 2: You can’t say midget. That’s a little con descending.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
A midget.
(A midget who?)
A midget who can’t reach the doorbell.

What do you call a charity about teaching maths to midgets?
Making the little things count.

What do you call a bald midget?
A make a wish kid.

Did you hear about the guy who’s been pickpocketing midget charity workers?
How could someone stoop so low?!

Why do midgets make bad parents?
Cause they struggle to put food on the table.

Recommended: Yo Mama So Short Jokes

Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.

Yo mama breath so bad, smells like she got a midget tap dancing on her tongue with poop on his shoes.

A midget asks the librarian,” Do you have any books on midget discrimination?”
The librarian replies, “Top shelf.”

Did you hear about the gay midget?
Finally came out of the cupboard.

What do you call a female midget?
A flesh light.

What did the doctor say to the angry midget?
“I’m going to ask you to be a little patient.”

One day a midget is walking along feeling a bit parched, when he sees a bar, just for midgets.
“What luck”, he thinks, and strolls in.
Inside there are miniature versions of everything! Little chairs with tiny tables, half size doors leading to miniature toilets, a tiny pool table with tiny pool cues, the place has everything, apart from customers… Its completely dead.
Sitting solitary at a table looking rather glum is the bartender. The midget approaches him and asks,” Why is it so empty in here, this place is amazing!”
“Well, we’ve been open for months now and all my customers just come in and leave without ordering any drinks”, explains the bartender, “I’ve got to be honest, I had higher expectations for this place!”
The bartender offers the midget a drink, then goes behind the counter and starts pouring him a pint.
“Um… I think I’m starting to understand why you don’t have any customers”, shouts the midget, looking up at the enormous counter towering above him, “You’ve set the bar way too high.”

What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?
Very little.

Recommended: Short People Jokes

What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.

Did you hear about the midget strip club down the street is hiring?
They must be short staffed.

What do you call a midget who stumbles out of the bar?
A little drunk.

Science has confirmed that Ancient Egyptians were tall people.
That is why they made hieroglyphics.
If they were midgets they would have made lowerglyphics.

What do you call a midget pigeon?
A smidgen.

Why couldn’t the midget woman support her family?
She was making mini-mom wage.

A man is riding on the bus and this midget comes on and sits beside me.
After a couple of stops, the driver slams on the brakes and the midget slides off the seat, so he grabs him by the arm and sits him down again.
Next stop, the same thing happens so again he grabs him by the arm and sits him down.
By the fifth stop, the same thing happens and the man is irritated so he grabs him and says, “Hold on tight you dumb midget or you gonna keep sliding off the seat.”
The midget turns around and says to him, “My stop was 5 stops ago, I’ve been trying to get off the bus you sunabitch.”

Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?
He kept getting in everyone’s hair.

What do you call a midget doing a cartwheel?
A midget spinner.

Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow?
The steaks are just too high.

Recommended: Dwarf Puns

Why did the midget get kicked off a nude beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody’s business.

What do you call an angry midget?
A miniac.

What bank do midgets use?
The Piggy Bank!

A midget walks into a brothel with a honeycomb under his arm and a donkey following closely behind. He asks the headmistress for a woman for the evening as his wife had left him.
She says, “Sure thing but I gotta ask, what’s with the honeycomb and the donkey?”.
He says, “Well, my wife found a genie’s lamp and her first wish was a home fit for a queen and she ended up with a honeycomb. Then she asked for the nicest ass ever and so she got this very well-behaved donkey.”
The mistress asks about the third wish and the midget says she wished I had a dick that hung past my knee.
She says, “Well that doesn’t sound so bad.”
“It wouldn’t be that bad except I used to be 6′ 3”.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

What do you call a midget that is a child prodigy?
A Dwarf Star.

What does a midget model do?
Pose for trophies!

Did you hear about the 7′ NBA star who married a blonde midget?
He was nuts over her.

What do you call a mentally-challenged midget who’s 5 minutes late?
A little tardy.

How do you piss of a midget?
Give him a yo-yo.

What do you call a midget who decides to enter a life of thievery?
Rob Lowe.

On their way to a classical music concert, a mother and daughter board the subway. “Look over there,” the mother says, “the man with the big suitcase. That’s the musician we are going to see in concert tonight!” Just as the mother speaks, the man reaches into his suitcase and pulls out a shiny violin.
The musician stands up. “Excuse me,” he says, “but I need to practice for my concert, I hope you don’t mind.” The people sitting around him grumble in an incoherent response. “Thank you,” he says. Then he bends down and whispers into his suitcase, “You guys can come out now.”
Two completely naked little people, a little man, and a little woman, climb out of the suitcase. The musician looks at them and says, “90 please.” At this point, the little people immediately begin to make passionate love.
“Oh my gosh!” The mother screams.
Fwap, fwap, fwap, comes the rhythmic sound of the little people’s lovemaking to a stunned crowd. Then the musician begins to play. His violin sings of sadness and loss, love and beauty, and by the time the song is over nearly everyone has tears in their eyes.
For a moment, there is complete silence. Then thunderous applause fills the train.
The mother and daughter approach the musician. “That was incredible,” the mother says, “but…do you need the midgets having sex? There are children here!”
The musician reaches down and rests his hand proudly on the naked little man’s shoulder, “Of course! This is the best f*cking metro gnome I could find.”

What do you call a midget having an o*gasm?
A shortcoming.

What do you call an Eskimo dwarf with a raging erection?
A frigid midget with a rigid digit.

Where do midgets get their education?
A Miniscule.

What does one midget say to another right before they meet?
“See you shortly.”

Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra?
He’s a little stiff now!

What kind of conversations do midgets have?
Small talk.

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine.
He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department, and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled, and asks, “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies, “It’s Frank, the midget.”

What did the career counselor say to the midget prostitute?
“You have many other talents, I think you’re selling yourself short here.”

There’s a p*rn site that makes you watch 10 minutes of midget milf p*rn before you can watch anything else.
That’s the bare mini mum.

What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
Micro trans-action.

What does a midget call a bonsai tree?
A tree.

Why can’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they keep stepping on the string!

What do you call a polite midget?
Sweet & Low.

Two midgets decide to go out and get some prostitutes and bring them back to their hotel rooms.
The first one, despite how hard he tried, could not get it up. To make matters worse, all he heard from his friend in the other room was, “Okay, here I come again, one….. two….. three…… UGHHHHH!” After over an hour of trying he decided to just tell the prostitute to leave and go to bed.
In the morning he goes outside for a smoke and he sees his buddy sitting outside already. He said, “Man my night was shot, no matter how hard I tried I could not get it up. How did your night go?”
His friend replied, “You think that’s bad? I couldn’t even get on the f*cking bed!”

Have you heard about the midget Klan member?
He was a little racist.

What do you call sex with a French midget?
Bone a petite.

What do you call it when a midget gives head?
A below job.

A man sees a midget struggling to carry a TV to his car.
He said, “You need a hand with that flat screen mate?”
The midget replied, “F*ck off d*ckhead, its an iPad!”

Do you know why midgets become so mad so quickly?
It’s because they have a short temper.

Disney sued a p*rn producer over the title of a film they made.
It featured Snow White, seven midgets, and was called ‘Itty Bitty Gang Bang’.

What’s the difference between a clever midget and a traveling hooker?
One’s a cunning runt.

Did you hear about the latest action movie starring a trans midget?
It’s a micro-transaction film.

A midget cowboy goes to the doctor.
The t*sticles of a midget cowboy hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up on the examining table and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left t*sticle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
“Hmm….,” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right t*sticle, he asked the midget to cough again.
“Aha!” said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.
Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side… then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his t*sticles still hurt.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his t*sticles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, “How does that feel now?”
The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it. What did you do?”
The doctor replied, “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots…”

What do you call a midget with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.

What is the best name for a Hispanic midget?

Why do women love midgets?
They have two wee knees!

What do you call a midget Muslim?
Smallahu Akbar.

A midget walks into a brothel.
He approaches the hostess of the brothel and asks to see the selection of women.
The hostess obliges and displays the woman he can choose from.
The midget says, “Yeah they are alright but I don’t think they can handle me. I want the best woman that works at this place.”
The hostess laughs and says, “Your pretty cocky for such a small guy. If your really all that whip it out and show me what you working with”
The midget shrugs, drops his pants, and looks at the hostess.
She bursts out in laughter and says, “Do you have “shorty’s” tattooed on your dick??!!”
The midget smiles and says, “Yeah I do.”
The hostess says, “Just for that you can have her. Have fun.”
The midget and the wh*re go off to a room to have sex.
An hour later the midget walks out of the room, slaps some money on the counter, looks at the hostess, grins, and leaves.
The wh*re exits the room gasping for air, exhausted.
The hostess, confused, says, “What the hell the guy had shorty’s tattoed on his dick?!”
The wh*re replied, “When it was soft it said shorty’s but when it got hard it said shorty’s bar and grill all you can eat wings only $9.99.”

What do you call a black midget in Ireland?
A lepre-coon.

What do you call a Chinese midget?
Half Ling.

Recommended: Dark Racist Jokes

What’s the best thing about arguing with a klu klux klan midget?
It’s short and to the point.

What do you call a female midget p*rn star?
Small packages that big things come in.

Where do midget terrorists live?

Did you hear about the midget with 40lb balls that escaped from the mental hospital?
He’s half nuts.

What do you call a comedic midget?
A little funny.

Do you have a dirty midget joke? Write down your own midget puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

1 thought on “80 Funny Midget Jokes That Are Ridiculously Dark Plus Dirty”

  1. My buddy got fired today for telling a female customer, “Whatever shampoo that is keep it up! Sure smells good!”
    I’m gonna miss that midget..


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