The Pope is the leader of the Catholic Church, wears a big white hat, and rides around in a special car that looks like it came straight from a superhero movie. He travels the world spreading peace, shaking hands, and giving blessings like a holy celebrity. People love taking photos with him, even if he just waves from a balcony. That’s why Pope jokes are a thing, when someone wears fancy robes and lives in a place called the Vatican, comedy writers can’t resist.
Pope jokes aren’t meant to offend; they just poke fun at the little things people notice. Writers love mixing holy habits with everyday stuff, like what happens when a Pope orders pizza or gets stuck in traffic. It’s all about taking the serious world of faith and sprinkling in some fun. These jokes have been passed around because everyone secretly wonders what the Pope is like when he’s off-duty.
Best Pope Jokes
Apparently the new Pope’s first question was: “Where do I get to live?”
They told him, “Rome, if you want to.”
The New Pope has a degree in mathematics from Villanova University.
This guy doesn’t just understand sin. He understands cos.
Now that the Pope has passed away, what happens next?
A new one popes up.
Why is the Pope cold at night?
Because his sheets are holy.
What do you call cigars that are blessed by the Pope?
Holy Smokes.
How does the Pope get paid?
Through Papal.
The Pope donated 45 chairs to an orphanage.
He did it in the name of chairity!
Recommended: Adult Pope Jokes
One day, Pope Francis dies and comes to the Pearly Gates. God himself is picking him up and guiding him to his very own cloud. God leaves.
Francis has his own harp and uses his time to praise the lord. After some hours god shows up again carrying a silver tray with a yogurt on it and a spoon. This repeats for some days. One evening the clouds beneath break up and he has a straight look into hell: he sees the devils making big fires and grilling half pigs, even half cows on the fire. Wine is served and everyone is feasting on an abundance of food.
The next day god comes again with a yogurt. Francis curiosity gets the better of him and he tells god what he saw and asks him: “Lord, in your omniscience, how can it be that they are feasting in hell and I am just getting yogurt?”
God answers him, “Do you really expect me to cook just for the two of us?”
Did you hear that the Pope has avian bird flu?
He got it from one of the cardinals.
Which Pope was the nicest-smelling Pope ever?
Pope Pourri.
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts, and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
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What happens when a new pope is elected?
Don’t know, maybe they just vote and it’s done, or there’s a lot of papelwork.
Did you hear about the pope who wanted to be a ninja?
He was a blessing in disguise.
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community…
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.
However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever.
The Jews could stay in Italy!
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.
“I don’t have a clue!!!” the Rabbi said.
“First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here.”
“And then what?” asked a woman.
“Who knows!!” said the Rabbi. “He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!”
What do you call avocados blessed by the Pope?
Holy Guacamole.
The Pope stopped answering my emails, he never texts me back, and never answers the phone when I call.
I was holy ghosted
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A lawyer and the Pope die at the same time and go to Heaven.
The Pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter says, “Welcome to Heaven,” and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent-sized house.
The lawyer is next, and St. Peter directs him to a huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake, with anything the lawyer could want.
The lawyer asks St. Peter, “Why do I get this mansion with everything I could ask for, and the holiest man on Earth gets a small house?”
St. Peter replies, “We’ve got hundreds of popes up here, but you’re the only lawyer!”
What happens if a pope gains a neutron?
He become an isopope.
What’s the Pope’s favorite weapon?
Nunchucks.
The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.
Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.
After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness – I’m not even sure what to call you?”
“It’s okay, my son, say what you want to say.”
“Well, when they told me who I’d be driving, I was really thrilled. It’s such an honor, and if there is anything I can do to make it a better trip, I’ll do my best to make sure it happens.”
The Pope thought for a while, then replied, “You know, before I became Pope, I really enjoyed driving. I would drive for hours. But now, no one will allow me to drive anywhere. Would you mind if we switched places and I can drive?”
The limousine driver agreed and the two switched places.
After a while, the Pope became relaxed, turned the radio on, hung his arm out the window, and just enjoyed cruising. However, not aware of his increasing speed, he was soon pulled over by a motorcycle cop.
The cop walked up to the limousine, saw who was driving, said, “Excuse me, your holiness, for a moment”, then returned to his bike and got on the radio.
“Chief, I think I have a problem. I believe I pulled over someone pretty important, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.”
The Chief responded: “Don’t tell me you pulled over a state representative again, Johnson?”
“No, I think this person is more important.”
“Not our Governor?!”
“No, I believe more important than the Governor.”
“Johnson, tell me you didn’t pull over a Presidential Motorcade.”
“No, they may be even more important than the President.”
“What? Really? Who’s more important than the President?”
“Hell if I know, but the Pope’s driving.”
What does the pope use to send his blessings?
Pray-pal.
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.
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There are three religious truths:
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
What do you call a pope who is addicted to cats?
Catholic.
When Catholics accepted the Pope as their leader, some people were unhappy. They came out on the streets with signs and placards.
I think they were protestants.
A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “This is exciting!” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!
Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.
“This is fantastic!” the gentleman mused. “I’m really good at crosswords!”
It crossed his mind that if the Pope got stuck, he’d ask him for assistance.
Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four-letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt’?”
The three Cardinals behind, in front of, and beside him shrank down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor.
The gentleman was in morbid shock.
He couldn’t breathe.
He went within himself, thought deeper, longer for a plausible answer, and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind, and the sun shone in.
Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said with reverence and politeness, “I believe, Your Holiness, that you’re looking for the word ‘aunt.'”
“Of course!” the Pope mused, not taking his gaze off the crossword. “You wouldn’t happen to have an eraser, would you?”
What do you call a pope who never stays in the same place?
A roamin’ catholic.
What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood?
“God, dam it.”
Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace, and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it’s the Pope’s turn, he asks: “Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?”
“You mean JC?” responds the alien. “Yeah, we know him! He’s the greatest, isn’t he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok.”
Surprised, the pope follows up with: “He visits every year?! It’s been over two millennia and we’re still waiting for his SECOND coming!”
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize. “Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?”
The pope retorts, “Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?”
The alien says, “Yeah, when he first visited our planet, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys do?”
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How does the Pope stay in peak physical condition?
Crossfit.
What music do people in the Vatican listen to?
Pope Music.
Jesus, Chuck Norris, and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.
They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.
Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.
The Pope, baffled, tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in and has to swim to the shore.
Back on land, the Pope asks Jesus and Chuck Norris how they were both able to walk on the water.
Jesus replies, “Oh, I should have told you about the rocks just below the surface of the water.”
Chuck Norris then asks, “What rocks?”
If the Pope’s car is called a popemobile, what does he call his bicycle?
A popsicle.
Where does the Pope go for his home improvement supplies?
Rome Depot.
The Pope dies and stands in front of the gates of heaven.
St. Peter looks at him, confused. “Who are you? I don’t know you.”
The Pope says, “I’m the Pope, the Holy Father.”
Peter scrolls through his holy book. “Pope, Pope, Holy Father… nope, not in here.”
Now the Pope is confused. “But I’m God’s representative on Earth!”
Peter says, “Please wait a minute,” and rushes to God’s office.
Out of breath, he asks God, “Excuse me, Boss, there’s someone standing at the gates saying his name is Pope and he’s your representative on Earth.”
God is puzzled and says, “What in hell? I have a what on Earth? JEEEESUS, come over, son!”
Jesus comes over. “Yes, Dad, what’s up?”
God asks him, “Go to the gates and have a look at that guy saying he’s my representative.”
Jesus heads off and returns a few minutes later, laughing out loud.
“Dad, you remember the small fishing club I founded about 2,000 years ago? You won’t believe it — it still exists!”
What fast food can the Pope never resist?
Popeyes.
What happens when the Pope sneezes into his hands and then touches a crucifix?
Cross-contamination.
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A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.
“Do not be frightened,” said Satan. “I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous, and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear.”
The priest was stunned. “Let me think about it for a few days.”
The next morning, the priest requested to meet the bishop. “Your Excellency, I need your advice for a temptation I have been given!” He told over his strange encounter. The bishop was shocked. “A deal with Satan?! Do not do it, it will destroy your soul!”
But he could see the priest was not convinced. So the bishop arranged a meeting with the archbishop. “Your Excellency, this priest has an urgent matter he needs advice about!” He told the story. The archbishop bowed his head in silent prayer, and after a few moments, responded. “Firstly, your hearing is a gift from God. It would be forbidden to sacrifice any part of it. Secondly, a deal with Satan?!? Never do it!”
But the priest wasn’t convinced. He was imagining all the wealth, fame, and power he’d receive. So the archbishop requested an audience with the Pope.
The three of them came into the Papal office in great awe. They sat, and the archbishop spoke. “Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!”
“Sorry, could you speak a little louder?” Asked the Pope.
What do you call a surprise test given at the Vatican?
Pope quiz.
What’s the Pope’s least favorite type of company?
A not-for-prophet.
Yuri Gagarin returned from space, and Khrushchev asked him a question: “While you were up there, did you see god?”
Yuri replied: “Yes.”
“That’s what I suspected, but don’t tell anybody.”
Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: “While you were up there, did you see god?”
Yuri replied: “No.”
“That’s what I suspected, but don’t tell anybody.”
Why does the Pope only have Emmental on his cheeseboard?
Because it’s the Holiest of cheeses.
There’s a TV channel where you can buy all the Pope’s speeches
It’s called “Papal View”.
The Pope is walking through the streets of Vatican City.
And he sees two beggars holding up cans for money. One of them is holding up a Christian cross, and the other a Star of David. The Pope sees that the one with the cross is, of course, getting much more money than the one with the Star of David, with some people only giving money to the Christian to spite the Jew. The Pope decides he has to intervene.
So he taps the Jew gently on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me. I noticed that you didn’t have anything in your tin and I wanted to point out that in Vatican City, begging for money with a Star of David isn’t a very good method of getting any, especially with a man with a cross next to you. Perhaps you should try a different city?”
The Jewish man laughs out loud, shocking the Pope. He turns to the Christian and exclaims, “Hey Abraham! Look who’s trying to teach the Goldberg brothers marketing!”
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Why does the Pope only eat Munchkins?
Cause they’re the holy part of the donut!
What happens when the Pope gets fired?
He gets Vaticanned.
Do you have a Pope Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
