50 Clean Church Jokes And Puns for the Whole Congregation

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Jessica Amlee


Young friends and little ones, get ready to giggle and smile as we share a collection of clean church jokes that are perfect for you! Our faith can be full of joy and laughter, and these wholesome jokes are a great way to celebrate that. Not only are these jokes entertaining, but they’re also perfect to share with your friends at church, Sunday school, or youth group gatherings.

So, let your youthful spirits soar and your laughter ring out as we explore these delightful, faith-inspired jokes that will brighten your day and bring your church community closer together.

Funny Church Jokes

What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on one book for years?

Why don’t churches have Wi-Fi?
They don’t want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says, “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”

What’s the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To take a photo in front of a church.

What do you call Batman when he skips church?
Christian Bale.

What does a church in Helsinki have in common with Mortal Kombat?
Finnish Hymn!

Why are there so many old people in Church?
They’re cramming for the final.

What happens when you mess up at ninja church?
The nun chucks you out.

Have you heard about the skunk who went to church?
He had his own pew.

What did the duck shout in the church?
“Get to the daily bread!”

Why was the grape kicked out of his church?
He was raisin hell.

Can you take an atheist to church?
You can if they’re amenable.

There was a church with a bell that could not be rung.
One day, a boy visited the priest and asked if he may try. He ran into the bell face-first after climbing the tower. The bell rang loudly and clearly. The assignment was given to him by the priest. The child went directly toward the bell with his face one Sunday and missed, so he fell from the tower and died.
“Congregation,” the priest said before the assembled masses. “Does anybody know this boy’s name? I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.”

Did you hear about the church that serves noodles at communion?
They are Ramen Catholic.

Recommended: Religious Catholic Jokes

Why couldn’t the cow start a church?
He wasn’t pastorized.

What did Ronnie James Dio wear to Church when he was a baby?
Holy Diapers.

Why don’t bees go to church?
Because they are in sects.

What do you call when Biologists go to church?

Heard about the insurance that refused to pay for the lightning damage of the church?
It was judged to be an Act of God, and thus deliberate damage by owner.

One day, a wife sees her husband watching their wedding video but backwards.
She asks him, “Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?”
“I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.”

What do salads say in church?
“Lettuce pray.”

What do you get when you cross a church with a laser tag arena?
Pew! Pew! Pew!

Recommended: Jesus Jokes

Why do they say “amen” instead of “a woman” at the end of songs at church?
Cause they’re hymns not hers.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
They don’t have any organs.

What book do LGBT people use in church?
The bi-ble.

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, “Don’t go into that church you dumb b#tch!”
Her husband asks, “What are you watching?”
The woman answered, “Our wedding video.”

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?
“Let us spray.”

Why did the two melons have a church wedding?
Because they cantaloupe.

How does the church make holy water?
They take regular tap water, and boil the hell out of it!

What do you call an atheist church?
A non-prophet organization!

Why is driving by a church so dangerous?
Because there is so much cross traffic.

Recommended: Angel Jokes

One morning a man came into the church on crutches
He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, then threw away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the scene, then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.
“Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle,” the priest said. “Tell me, where is this man now?”
“Flat on his ass over by the holy water.”

What do you call a hawk in a church?
A bird of pray.

What do cows yell at the end of a sermon during church?

What do you call someone who falls asleep in church?
A bored-again christian.

What’s the Priest of an insect church?
A Praying Mantis.

A mathematician walks into a church to confess
He says to the priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sined.”

What does a bread pastor say during church?
“All rise, for we knead to pray for our friends. Its the yeast we can for them.”

Bob volunteered to paint the local church. Unfortunately, he only bought one can of paint.
To make it last, he kept adding water to it and it looked progressively worse. The pastor came to inspect and said, “Bob, repaint and thin no more!”

Why are chickens banned from church?
They use foul language.

Why did the church come with an expiration date?
Because it was parishable.

Why are churches so heavy?
They have a lot of mass.

A new Church is set up by a newly ordained minister. He gets a congregation together and realizes that most of his congregants do not know the Bible all that well. So he sets up a Bible Study.
He starts with the basics. That God does not have a form, or name or any manifestation. A woman puts up her hand and goes; “I thought God’s name was Harold.”
The Minister goes, “Harold? Why Harold”
The woman goes, “Isn’t that what we say in the Lord’s prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name?”

What’s the difference between churches and banks?
Both take your money but only one gives it back.

Recommended: Bank Jokes

What do you call a lover who’s left the Catholic church?
A popeless romantic.

Where do square numbers go to church?
The Sixteen Chapel.

How did the new church get built so fast?
There were Mennonite shift

What do you call a cute girl in an Amish church?
A visitor.

What’s the difference between the Catholic Church and a clothing iron?
The church only wishes they could burn things until they are straight.

Do you have another funny Church joke? Post your own Church puns in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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