50 Funny Arsenal Jokes You Shouldn’t Tell A Gunner

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Jessica Amlee


Arsenal Football Club, founded in 1886, is one of the most celebrated football teams in England, boasting a rich history in the Premier League and notable successes in both domestic and international competitions. Based in North London, the club has a passionate global fanbase and is recognized for its distinctive red and white colors, as well as its long-standing rivalry with Tottenham Hotspur.

Arsenal has showcased their ambition to lead the pack this season, having clinched a victory over City in the Community Shield. Fans are buzzing with anticipation for the Gunners to reign supreme in England, setting their sights on both league and cup trophies. The momentum from last season’s title pursuit, coupled with the addition of talents like Declan Rice, amplifies the hope for a promising season ahead.

Despite its illustrious history and optimistic future, Arsenal has seen periods of drought in recent years when it comes to major trophies. This has led to a surge in jokes and banter aimed at the club, with rival fans often poking fun at Arsenal’s recent challenges. The camaraderie and playful competitiveness of football culture mean these jokes are almost a rite of passage, reflecting the highs and lows of supporting a team.

Here are some of the funniest Arsenal Jokes from their season 2023/24.

Best Arsenal F.C. Jokes 

To promote equality Arsenal have announced that they are forming a gay football team.
The official name will be “Upthearsenal” but fans are expected to call them by their nickname of “The rear Gunners.”

How bad is inflation?
Just heard someone has paid £105 million for rice.

What did the Arsenal fan say when they won the Community Shield?
“I’m gunner celebrate all night long!”

How are Arsenal and a rollercoaster alike?
Both go on the top and eventually come down.

Why did the Arsenal fan cross the road?
To get to the other side… and hope for a better season next year.

Heard the new Premier League chat up line?
“They call me Arsenal, I start on top and finish 2nd!”

A man walked by a restaurant in Islington, London
He noticed all the customers drinking tea in saucers.
He asked one of them as to why he was drinking tea in a saucer.
With tears in his eyes, he replied, “The City players have taken away our cup.”

Mikel Arteta looks like he should be helping the Mysterons against Captain Scarlet.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Wenger who?)
Wenger you going to stop being so mediocre, Arsenal?

Why is the devil happy?
Even Jesus and Mohammed couldn’t win the league for Arsenal.

Why do so many housewives love Arsenal?
Because they stay on top for ages and then come second.

What is the similarity between Arsenal on top of the EPL table and an elephant on top of a tree?
Nobody knows how it got there but everybody knows how it will fall.

What do you call a Spanish man with 11 pr*cks?
Mikel Arteta.

Why did Jesus join Arsenal?
He wanted to join a team where everyone is called Gabriel.

Why did the aliens land in the Emirates?
Because there’s no atmosphere.

What’s the problem with Martin Ødegaard?
Odegaard wouldn’t shoot Hitler if he had a gun.

What is so strange about The Gunner’s defeat to Man Utd?
They had Jesus, Mohamed, and Ram in their team and still lost to the devils.

Why should Arsenal FC’s support staff be careful with Gabriel Jesus after New Year?
Once he goes off, history tells us he’ll be out until Easter.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Gunner who?)
Gunner be a long season for Arsenal at this rate!

Have you all heard about the new Arsenal Bra?
It has a whole lot of support but it doesn’t have any cups.

What’s a pirate’s favorite football club?

How do you make an Arsenal fan a millionaire?
Tell them to save up for the UCL final.

Recommended: Tottenham Jokes

Why is Arsenal gutted at the collapse of the European Super League?
They were really looking forward to the possibility of finishing as high as 12th place.

Which team always starts the match with a bang?
The Gunners!

Why did Super League invite Arsenal?
Because someone has to finish bottom of the group and be okay with it.

What is PSG in the Champions League?
Arsenal in EPL.

Which football team uses the most toilet paper?

A plane with 5 passengers was about to crash mid-air and there were only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger is Cristiano Ronaldo: I’m the world’s best footballer, and my fans still need me. He takes one parachute and jumps.
The second passenger is Elon Musk: I am the founder of SpaceX and king of the electric vehicle (EV) industry. – I’m an influence. He takes another one and jumps.
The third passenger was Mikel Arteta: I am the Manager of Arsenal FC and I am one of the most creative, most intelligent, and well-remembered­ football players. He takes one and jumps.
The fourth passenger was the Pope. Pope said to the 5th passenger, an 8-year-old girl, “I’m an old man. I’ll sacrifice my life for yours.”
But the girl replied, “No need for that, there are 2 parachutes left.”
“How is that possible?” asked Pope.
The girl replied, “That Arsenal FC Manager took my school bag.”

Recommended: Manchester United Jokes

Arsenal has been in the Champions League for 18 years straight and hasn’t won it, what are they gonna miss?
The anthem.

What do Arsenal FC & Oscar Pistorius both have in common?
Getting used to losing both legs.

What do you tell your girlfriend who needs space?
To check Arsenal’s trophy cabinet.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Emery who?)
Emery day Arsenal fans are hoping for a better season!

What do Arsenal and Tottenham fans have in common?
They’re both obsessed with Tottenham.

What’s the difference between The Emirates and a cactus?
With the cactus, the pr*cks are on the outside.

There are three friends. Each supports a different team, one for Hartlepool, one for Liverpool, and one for Arsenal. Their plane crashes in the middle of the ocean, and each of them ends up on a desert island with only one sheep. They slaughter the sheep and use their wool for warmth until they become hungry.
The Hartlepool fan says, “I’m from Hartlepool so I’ll have the heart.” The Liverpool fan says, “I’m from Liverpool so I’ll have the liver.”
At last, the Arsenal fan says, “Urm… I’m not hungry.”

Why are Bayern fans sad?
No Arsenal again in UCL this season.

How does Arsenal do in Europe?
They 10-2 get knocked out.

Did you hear about the ref who was flashed by a soccer team?
He saw arsenal.

Recommended: Liverpool Jokes

About every ten years a small team wins the EPL.
86′ – Forest
95′ – Blackburn
04′ – Arsenal
16′ – Leicester

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?
Arsenal fan: I want a dragon.
Santa: Come on. Be realistic.
Arsenal fan: Okay. I want Arsenal to win the Champions League.
Santa: So what color of the dragon are we talking about here?

What is the difference between Arsenal’s players going to Chelsea and Chelsea’s players going to Arsenal?
One goes to retire while the other goes to win trophies.

What is Arsenal calling their gay team, added to promote equality?
The official name will be “Upthearsenal” but fans are expected to call them by their nickname of “The rear Gunners.”

What is Arsenal’s mascot Gunnersaurus saying?
“I survived extinction for this f*cking shit.”

A man stopped another man in the street and said, “Can you help me? I’m looking for a rubbish tip.”
The other man said, “Arsenal to win the Premier League.”

A woman was reading a newspaper one morning when she mentioned a piece of news to her husband.
“Take a look at this, dear. There’s an article here about a man who traded his wife for an Arsenal season ticket. You’d never do something like that, would you?”
“Of course not!” exclaimed her husband. “The season is nearly over!”

Why does Arsenal FC plant potatoes at the edge of the pitch?
So they have something major to lift at the end of the season.

What are the three people you can never advise?

  1. A woman in love
  2. A man with money
  3. A person who supports arsenal

How do you make an Arsenal fan a millionaire?
Tell them to save up for the champions league final.

Recommended: Chelsea Jokes

How many Arsenal fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’re still talking about the lightbulb that they originally tried to buy but didn’t.

What have Arsenal FC and demonstrators got in common?
They get beaten regularly.

Why was the wife shocked on the wedding night?
She thought she was marrying an Arsenal fan not an arsehole fan.

Did you hear what England’s 1st gay professional footballer said?
“It’s his dream to play for Arsenal.”

Have a funny joke on Arsenal? Post your Arsenal banter in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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