50 Dark Humor Jokes About Deadbeat Dads Leaving You

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Jessica Amlee


Fathers leaving their children, often referred to as absentee or deadbeat fathers, is a phenomenon rooted in a variety of reasons. One of the significant causes is financial pressure. Some men, when faced with the prospect of not being able to provide for their families, may grapple with feelings of shame or inadequacy, leading them to distance themselves.

In other cases, unplanned pregnancies can thrust men into a role they weren’t prepared for. The sudden responsibility of fatherhood can be overwhelming, causing some to escape rather than face the situation. Relationship issues also play a considerable part. When relationships with the child’s mother are strained, some fathers may find it easier to leave than to navigate the tumultuous waters of a complicated relationship.

Dark humor jokes about deadbeat fathers are a terrific way to make people laugh and lighten the atmosphere, whether you’re a parent yourself or just like a good dad joke. With these funny jokes, you can sit back, unwind, and prepare to laugh out loud.

Funny Deadbeat Dad Jokes

Did you hear about the neighbor who loved to joke about dad leaving for milk or something and not coming back?
He thought to tell his son but he probably wouldn’t recognize him after all these years.

What do a toolbox and a deadbeat dad have in common?
Screws, nuts, and bolts.

What’s an absentee father’s favorite meat?

Spanish dad: I’m leaving for the city.
Spanish son: Ciudad.

What piece of advice did Little Johnny’s father give him before he left?

Yo mama so ugly, your dad left her for a man.

Why do so many deadbeat dads love to play poker?
It’s the only time they can call or raise anyone without feeling obligated to follow through.

Why is communism like a deadbeat dad?
No matter how much it could potentially do, it never works.

A lot of readers miss all the absent father jokes people used to make.
They say, “When are they coming back?”

Why did the astronomer’s dad leave?
To go get the milky way.

A kid finally asked his deadbeat, deserting dad what makes him happy. His Answer?
He hasn’t gotten back to the kid yet.

Little Johnny goes to his mom and asks, “How old are you, mom?”
His mother says, “A lady never reveals her age”
The next day at school, Little Johnny tells his friend Jimmy about this and he says, “If you find your mom’s driver’s license, it will tell you everything about her.” When he gets home, he sneaks into his mom’s purse and finds her driver’s license.
That evening, he goes to his mother and says, “Mom, I know that you’re 33 years old, and that your height is 5’3″”
“How do you know?” she replies
“Because I found your driver’s license and it has all your information! It also knows why dad left you. It’s because you got an F in sex!”

Do you know what the F in “orphan” stands for?

Recommended: Orphan Jokes

Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they can have someone to call father.

What did the absentee father say?
“I like my kids like I like my flour. Self-raising.”

How is Jesus a deadbeat dad?
Said he’d be coming back soon 2000 years ago and we’re still waiting.

What do Jesus and your dad have in common?
They left and never came back.

Imagine calling your boyfriend “daddy” then he leaves you like your dad did.

What is a deadbeat dad’s favorite son?
An aborson.

What’s the difference between your mom going shopping and your dad going shopping?
When your mom goes shopping, she leaves first thing in the morning and she gets back at dinner time with a car full of groceries. But your dad went out for cigarettes five years ago and he still isn’t home yet.

What’s the difference between your dad and Cancer?
The Cancer did not leave.

How dark is your humor?
Your dad got up and left.

What do you call headphones that walk out on their children?

Why are dads like boomerangs?
You hope.

What is the difference between the Pizza guy, and absentee dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they get to call someone father.

Why should we get rid of Father’s Day?
It’s racist! It’s a whites only holiday!

Which kids are the best at hide and seek?
The ones with alcoholic fathers.

Did you hear about the fat absent father?
He was never around, but at least he was portly.

Why do gay people come out of the closet?
Because their dad left the house.

Why was Kobe the best father of all time?
Because he took the kid with him.

Did you hear about the Fog father who left his fog family?
He is heavily mist.

When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.

Recommended: Dark Dad Jokes

Are you looking for a witty guy with abandonment issues?
Then look no father.

What’s the difference between your dad and an elevator?
An elevator can support a family.

What’s the worst day for a child whose dad left him/her?
National Walkout Day.

What do you call an absent father figure?

What does your dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.

What do you call a fatherless fish?
A basstard.

Why did the white father leave his family?
Cultural appropriation.

Your dad wasn’t absent,
He was just fathering remotely.

How is Valve like a deadbeat dad?
They both do well on creating, but suck at taking care of the offspring.

Recommended: Husband Store Jokes

How is spring like a deadbeat dad?
It keeps promising it’ll be there, but never shows up.

What would Plato call a person with daddy issues?
A fatherless biped!

What is something not even God can grant?
A father that doesn’t leave his son.

How would people know that someone is fatherless?
They dip their Oreos in water.

Why are Norwegians fatherless?
Because their father had Norway to see them.

Do you have a funny dad leaving joke? Write down your own dark humor dad puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

3 thoughts on “50 Dark Humor Jokes About Deadbeat Dads Leaving You”

  1. Before my abusive father left, he was really enthusiastic about vacuuming.
    He would always say “Whenever I look at your face I want you to Dyson!”


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