80 Dark Disability Jokes You Cannot Tell Disabled People

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Jessica Amlee


A lot of people with disability share a pov that jokes about illness or disability don’t necessarily bother them, but the context and the source of the joke are highly significant. They share a lot of humor about their condition with their best friend and siblings. However, when these jokes come from outside their immediate circle like a co-worker, it can be somewhat unsettling. 

The way one relates to their illness is an intensely personal matter, and if they are not in a place to appreciate jokes about it, that is absolutely their prerogative. The process of adapting to this change is a personal decision. It’s a substantial thing to digest, and it’s entirely understandable if it’s a sensitive subject.

We believe in the power of humor to connect, heal, and bring joy, and in this spirit, our selection of jokes aims to foster a positive bond between people. But stay aware that we all have those days when everything hits a bit harder, and our tolerance for anything might be a bit low.

Funny Disabled Jokes

Have you ever watched JAWS backward?
It’s a very heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

What are battle rappers known for?
Their diss abilities.

Did you hear about the disabled guy who reported HumorNama for making fun of him?
Turns out he wasn’t physically capable of taking a joke.

Why did the disabled kid cross the road?
He didn’t.

Why did the man start confused after learning an IQ below 70 qualifies you for an intellectual disability?
Because he was trying to figure out if IQ was measured in Celsius or Fahrenheit!

Do you know that these times are harder on people with disabilities?
Last night, a dwarf man was struggling to put food on the table.

Did you hear about the Instagram post offending handicapped people?
Most didn’t reply. The comments were disabled.

Do you know that women are like parking spaces?
The good ones are already taken and the others are either disabled, mother with child, or you pay for your time.

As far as disabilities go, being mute is not that bad, isn’t it?
But one can’t speak for everyone.

What do you call an army of disabled people?
Special forces.

Don’t let anyone convince you you can’t do something because of your disability.
Beethoven was told he could never be a musician, but he didn’t listen.

A man walks into the United States Postal Service to apply for a job.
“Are you allergic to anything?” the interviewer inquires. “Yes, caffeine,” he says. “I’m not a coffee drinker.”
“OK, have you ever served in the military?” “Yes,” he confirms, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,” the interviewer says.
“Are you disabled in any way?” he asks. “Yes,” says the man. “A bomb went off near me, and I lost both of my testicles.”
“Disabled in your country’s service!” replies the interviewer, grimacing. “That qualifies for additional bonus points!! Based on the regulations, you have earned enough points for me to hire you right away. Our regular business hours are 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. You can begin tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. and plan to begin at 10:00 a.m. every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM ?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

What is the cutest mental disability?

Recommended: Autism Jokes

A gay woman, a working class white guy, an old Jewish lady, a disabled man, and a young black lady all walk into a bar.
What a wonderful example of a well-integrated community.

What do you call a disabled gang member?
A crip.

What do you call a disabled fish?

What do you call a disabled person’s ghost?

What do you call a disabled person lying?

What do you call a disabled person with one arm?
Hand Solo.

Recommended: No Arms No Legs Jokes

What do you call a disabled kid with no arms?

What do you call a fire ant with severe learning disabilities?
A fire retardant.

A charity worker stopped a man in the street and asked if he fancied taking part in a marathon.
He was going to decline but the worker told him it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.
The man thought to himself, “Fuck me, I might win this.”

What do you call a physically disabled werewolf?
A Lycan’t.

Why didn’t the shark eat the disabled seal?
The seal was broken.

Why did the new disability center hire a repairman?
To fix the blinds.

What did the disabled banana do after he got ripped off by social security?
He filed an ap-peel.

Which disability is the most morbid?
Hearing impairment – they’re always living close to deaf.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on how to help his disabled brother go to the toilet.
The librarian says, “I’m holding it for someone else.”
“That’s the one,” the man replies.

What a good name for a gay-disabled bar?
Fruits & Veggies.

What do you call a disabled American?

What’s a blind person’s favorite fruit?

Recommended: Blind People Jokes

How did the disabled man get his Ph.D. so quickly?
He had a prothesis.

What do you call a disabled cat?
A Can’t.

Did you hear about a charitable restaurant next door that employs mentally disabled people?
The food was great, but the waiters were a bit slow.

What kind of disability is arm amputation for an Italian?
Speech impediment.

What’s a disabled kid’s favorite swimming position?
The stroke.

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.

What do you call stories that you hear from disabled people?
Veggie tales.

What do you call the disabled seating section at the theatre?
The cabbage patch.

What’s the leading cause of acne for disabled citizens?
Vegetable oil.

Why did the disabled boy cross the road?
Because one can only throw a wheelchair that far.

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What has 50 legs but can’t walk?
25 disabled people.

What do you call a group of disabled people in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.

What’s better than winning Gold at the Paralympics?
Not being disabled.

Why do disabled people have a high failure at alcoholics anonymous?
Most can’t even make it past the first step let alone twelve steps.

Why did god make a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people would go to hell.

What do you call a disabled supermodel?
Hot Wheels.

What do you call a group of disabled people?
A garden.

What are parents of disabled children called?

What’s better than being able to use disabled parking spots?

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Three disabled people walk into a bar.
Praise the Lord!

What do you call a disabled firefighter?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

What do you call a mentally disabled suicide bomber?
Special ordnance.

What’s the funniest part about disabled people?
Pushing them down the stairs.

We believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled.
But we shouldn’t elect them President.

What do you call a disabled duck?

What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.

A guy lost his right foot in an accident. Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so anyone who didn’t know him wouldn’t know he was wearing a prosthetic foot.
Some years later he met a girl, but didn’t tell her about his ‘disability’. They got married and on the wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.
Horrified, she straight-called her mom and said, “Mum, you wouldn’t believe it. He only got one foot!”
The mum then yelled back at her, “Goddamnit child, be grateful! Your dad is only six inches!”

What do you call a disabled stillborn?
A misscabbage.

Recommended: Best Dark Humor Jokes

What do you call a disabled person going really fast?
Special Need For Speed.

What do you call a trio of disabled people?
Cripple threat.

What do you get when you cross a school of mentally disabled people and rock music?
Syndrome of a Down.

What do you call a disabled person on a bungee jump?
Spastic on elastic.

What’s karate for the disabled?
Partial Arts.

What’s the worst advice you can give to a disabled person being bullied?
“Stand up for yourself!”

What did the blind, deaf, and disabled kid get for Christmas?

What do you call 3 disabled kids that have been shot?
Cripple kill.

Recommended: Stephen Hawking Jokes

What do you call a disabled jew in a Nazi camp?

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says “I hope the p*rn is disabled.”
The guy at the desk replies. “It’s just regular p*rn you sick fuck.”

What do you call a disabled orgy?
A salad.

What do you call a disabled pedophile?
A creepy crawly.

What is the best thing about sleeping with a lady that lost both her legs?
Easy Access.

What is it called when a disabled person is having sex?
Getting handiclapped.

What do you call a disabled Arab?

Why didn’t anyone want to play with the disabled kid?
He was a real downer.

What do you call a mentally disabled person that swears a lot?
A Custard.

Do you have another disability joke? Post your own jokes about disabled people in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

3 thoughts on “80 Dark Disability Jokes You Cannot Tell Disabled People”

  1. My sex life is like finding a parking spot in town.
    All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.


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