60 Funny Sexist Jokes You Cannot Share w/ Woman Or Man

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Jessica Amlee

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Sexist jokes can be likened to “dark” humor in terms of sensitivity. It’s vital to exercise caution when using them, understanding that some individuals might find them unsettling, yet might feel hesitant to express their discomfort. Consequently, it’s essential to tread carefully with the assumption that “no one is taking issue.”

These jokes might elicit laughter when conveyed by individuals who clearly don’t endorse such beliefs, as the humor often lies in satire. However, the challenge arises when individuals, who seemingly harbor sexist views, are drawn toward these jokes, at least from what we’ve observed. This blurs the line between making jokes purely for amusement and making jokes as a means to intentionally propagate misogynistic narratives.

We uphold the principle that all individuals, regardless of gender, are equal, recognizing that each person, male or female, has their own unique strengths and challenges. Consequently, if we are using humor that touches upon one gender, it’s only fair to include the other as well. So, let’s delve into a collection of the funniest sexist jokes about women and men.

Best Sexist Jokes

What sounds sexist but isn’t sexist?

Isn’t odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes?
Then die at the end because of their terrible driving.

Why should men stop holding doors open for women?
It’s sexist, hold them closed instead, so they have equal opportunity to prove their strength.

What’s the definition of a competitive alpha male?
Someone who finishes first and third in the same masturbation contest.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Iron who?)
Iron these clothes woman, and I’ll leave you alone!

What did The Vulture from Brooklyn Nine-Nine say about being called sexist?
“I’m not sexist. Sexism is wrong, and being wrong is for women.”

How do you know that God is a male and sexist?
No matter how many times you repent for your sins God is still giving you a silent treatment.

Why are men like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Did you hear that the postal service is sexist?
That’s natural with such a mail dominated industry.

Yo mama so evil, when she bought you a doll it was Annabelle.

Why adoption agencies are sexist?
Women adopt babies all the time and no one cares but a 40-year-old man asks to adopt a 16-year-old and suddenly you need to leave the premises immediately.

How are men and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next twenty years.

Do you know that women can be sexist too?
It’s just that men are better at it like everything else.

Recommended: Feminist Jokes

How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the b*tch cook in the dark.

What three words are guaranteed to destroy a man’s ego?
“Is it in?”

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Government bonds mature.

The anthropology professor was well known for making sexist comments and jokes in class much to the dismay of the feminist female students. The women students got together outside class and decided that after the next sexist comment from the professor, they would stand up and walk out of class in solidarity.
The next day the professor, while lecturing on a certain African tribe, said, “And you ladies will be glad to know that the average p*nis size of the tribesmen is 12 inches!” At that moment all the women in the class stood up and began filing out.
The professor then said, “Wait! Wait, ladies! The next flight to Nairobi doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning!”

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None cause we all know feminists can’t change sh*t.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Recommended: Domestic Violence Jokes

What do feminists hate more than sexist jokes?
Having it explained to them by a man.

What do you call a sexist masseuse?
A massaginist.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Why did God create woman?
To carry sem*n from the bedroom to the toilet.

International Women’s Day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes.

What did Wendy do when Captain Hook startled her?
Peter pans.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
There isn’t enough time.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she’s been told twice already.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
First, Internet,
Second, telephone and,
Third, Tel-a-woman.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years the job still sucks.

Why do men like masturbation?
Its sex with someone they love.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause it doesn’t need cleaning yet.

What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man’s undivided attention.

What’s a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater?
Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Recommended: Racist Jokes

What’s the male equivalent of a feminist?
A sexist.

Why are men better at football than women?
Men tackle balls since the day they were born.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Three blondes stuck on an island
Suddenly, they find a magic lamp. Out of the lamp pops a genie who agrees to grant each of the blondes a wish.
The first blonde requests to be smarter so she can find a way off of the island. The genie grants the wish and the first blonde becomes a redhead and swims off of the island.
The second blonde wishes to be smarter than the previous blonde so the genie grants the wish. The second blonde is now a brunette and makes a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde not wanting to be outdone requests to be even smarter. The genie grants the wish of the final blonde and turns her into a man who proceeds to walk across the bridge off of the island.

Why are sexist jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How do you remember your wife’s birthday?
By forgetting it once.

How can you tell that we still live in a sexist society?
Because doctors still make more money than nurses.

Why garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated?
We should call them garbage people instead.

What banks are the most sexist?
Sperm banks cause they only accept deposits from men.

What’s a violent and sexist book club called?

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.

What were god’s thoughts after Eve took her first bath in the sea?
“I’ll never get this smell out of the fishes.”

A young boy comes home from school and goes straight to his Dad. “Dad, I heard this new word today and I want to know, what’s a pussy?”
His Dad reaches down into the cushions of his recliner, pulls out a nudie magazine, turns to the centerfold, and points. “See that there son, that’s a pussy.”
The boy says, “OK then, what’s a cunt?” Dad runs his finger in a circle over the entire centerfold and says, “Everything around it son, everything around it.”

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.

What do women and computers have in common?
You don’t appreciate either of them until they go down on you.

Why do women have b**bs?
So you got something to look at when you’re talking to them.

In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

What do men have in their pants that’s only 3 inches long, but can fully satisfy a woman?
Their credit card.

Do you have a sexist joke? Write down your own sexist puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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