60 Funny Pedophile Jokes That May Seem Illegal to Read

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Jessica Amlee

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Life can throw curveballs, and sometimes you’ve gotta chuckle your way through—even if it means venturing into the world of dark humor. These pedophile jokes might not be ideal for family gatherings or your boss’s ears, but it’s cool to snicker at them solo or with buddies who get your vibe.

These Dark jokes aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but hey, who knows? Laughing at them might just mean you’re a genius! Genius or not, there’s nothing wrong with easing the tough days with a little dose of edgy humor.

Dark Pedophile Jokes

Why should we stop making fun of pedo guys?
They have a hard enough time fitting in.

What’s the only good thing about pedos?
At least they slow down in school zones.

Two pedos are sitting on a park bench when an 11-year-old boy walks by.
One pedo leans over to the other and says, “Boy he must’ve looked good back in the day!”

What is the preferred footwear of pedos?
White Vans.

What do the dark web and submarines have in common?
They’re both home to Tor-pedos.

How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?
“Elementary, my dear Watson.”

Do you know don’t have to be good at anagrams?
To see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

What do pedo vampires do to relax?
Crack open a boy with the cold ones.

What do Jewish pedos say?
“Hey kid, want to buy some candy?”

Why don’t pedos ever win marathons?
They’re always coming in a little behind.

What did the father tell the pedo at the beach?
“Hey, get out of my sun!”

What do a pedo and a turtle have in common?
They both wanna get there before the hare does.

Why do pedos love HumorNama?
There are so many immature a$$holes.

A bus tragedy claims the lives of ten Catholic priests.
When they get at the pearly gates, St Peter greets them. He notices that they are all priests and instantly exclaims, “If any of you are pedos, there’s no point in waiting here.” You could as well go straight to hell right now!”
Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away.
St Peter calls one of them, “AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU!”

Do you know tha they say that every 2 out of 3 people live next to a pedo?
Not me, I live next to 2 smoking hot 10 year olds.

Why do pedos only run half marathons?
Because they won’t do anything over 13.

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?
It turned 15 and he lost interest.

What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon but Michael Jackson was a pedo.

Recommended: Michael Jackson Jokes

What’s a pedo’s favorite drink?
Cherry pop.

What can a mathematician and a pedo agree upon?
11 is a prime number.

Are you scared of pedos?
Grow up.

One guy hired a teenage girl at his hardware store.
He was showing her around the aisles when he picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at himself and made a beeping sound.
He said, “This is a stud-finder” and laughed.
She pulled up her sleeve, showed him her FitBit, and made a beeping sound. She said, “This is a pedo-meter.”

What do pedos and climate change deniers have in common?
They both enjoy f#cking the next generation.

How do you know when it is bedtime at a pedo’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar.
He sits down and orders a drink.

Why was the pedo depressed?
He couldn’t fit in.

Recommended: Depression Jokes

What did the pedo say after getting out of prison?
“I feel like a kid again! “

A man (37) and his wife (19) celebrate their marriage at a restaurant.
At first, they were met with scornful looks. People later began calling the husband “pedo,” “pervert,” and “sick,” and ridiculed the couple for their age gap.
Their tenth anniversary was completely destroyed.

Why are pedos terrible Blackjack players?
They don’t hit on anything over 14.

What do you call an alien that’s also a pedo?
An Extramolestrial.

What’s a pedo’s favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.

Why did the pedo go to Walmart?
He heard that boys pants were half off.

What’s a pedo’s favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.

A man came out his front door one morning to see his neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word “PEDO” that had been spray painted on his front window.
“What’s been going on John?” he asked.
“Fcuking kids,” came his mumbled reply.

What do you call a folder of child p#rnography?
A pedo-file.

Why did the pedo move to Korea?
Because there, ‘Too Young’ is just a name.

What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedo?
Alien vs. Predator.

A Redneck comes home to his girlfriend packing.
She’s gathering all her belongings and walking out the door. He says, “Honey, where ya going?!”
She says, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. Everyone in town says you’re a pedo.”
He replies, “pedo?! Well, that’s a big word for a twelve-year-old.”

Recommended: Redneck Jokes

What do you call a mall Santa in July?
A pedo.

What’s the difference between a pedo and acne?
One doesn’t come on your face until your twelve.

What do McDonald’s and a pedo have in common?
They both stick their meat between seven-year-old buns.

What do pedos and mosquitos have In common?
People love beating the crap out of them.

What’s a great dating app for pedos?

What did one pedo say to the other?
“I’ll give you two fives for a ten.”

Where do pedos get the wedding rings?
They go to Jared.

What does a pedo order when he goes to a cannibal restaurant?
Eh, just something off the kids menu.

Recommended: Cannibal Jokes

A pedo and a little boy walk into the woods.
The boy, crying and hesitantly following the pedo says, “Mr, can I go home? Its dark and I’m scared.”
The pedo looks at him in disbelief and says, “Imagine how I feel, I have to walk home alone.”

What’s a bad way to stop a pedo?
Tell him to think of the children.

Why aren’t there any pedos in Japan?
Because they learned what happens when you touch a little boy.

Why did the pedo get a job at the bakery?
Because he likes his buns fresh from the oven.

What do the grim reaper and a pedo have in common?
They both take people before their time.

What do you call a pedo cat?
A purrvert.

What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedo?
Arrrr Kelly!

What does the pedo uncle say when he’s begging?
“I’m on my niece.”

Recommended: Dark Humor Jokes

What does a pedo put on his salad?
Neverland Ranch dressing.

What do you call pedos using the Tor browser?

How did the pedo defend himself?
In four bites, he is 111!

What does an IT guy call a pedo?
A beta tester.

What’s a pedo’s favorite sports league?
The Minor League.

Do you know what the leading cause of pedophilia is?
Sexy children.

Why should you never make Bill Cosby Jokes?
He’ll knock you out.

Recommended: Bill Cosby Jokes

Did any of you hear about that pedo music teacher?
The one who broke a G string while fingering A minor.

What’s the best thing about having s#x with twenty eight year olds?
There’s 20 of them!

Do you have another funny pedophile joke? Post your own pedophile puns in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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