90 Funny Depression Jokes And Puns to Laugh Through Pain

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Jessica Amlee


Depression is a serious and often debilitating condition that affects millions of people around the world. While it’s important to take the illness seriously and seek professional help if you’re struggling, some people find that humor can be a helpful coping mechanism.

Depression jokes can help individuals find a way to laugh at their struggles and feel less alone in their experiences. However, it’s important to be mindful of the potential impact that these jokes can have on others, especially those who may not be in a place to find them funny. It’s crucial to balance humor with empathy and understanding and to always prioritize mental health and well-being above making light of a serious illness.

Dark Depression Jokes

Why should you try drinking a pint of water before bed if you’re depressed?
It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
A sighborg.

Did you hear about the depressed plumber?
He’s been going through some shit.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Saturday, Sunday.

What do you call two depressed bears?

What do you call a depressed acapella group?
Self Harmony.

What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking?
Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.

What’s the best way to overcome depression?
Love it, so it leaves you as well.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fcuks you harder.

Did you hear about a website made for depressed tennis players?
The servers are currently down.

Why are people from New York always depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.

What do you call a depressed salami?

Did you hear about a depressed Storm Trooper who goes to the bar for some jager shots?
He goes home sober.

What’s the difference between the 1920s and the 2020s?
Depression happens at the start of the decade now.

What do you call a society of depressed people?
A melancholony.

A really handsome man is involved in a catastrophic car accident.
His life is saved by the medics, but he loses one eye. He is temporarily fitted with a wooden eye until a good glass one can be inserted.
Because of his vision loss, the man feels melancholy and sits at home, moping. His pals eventually come over and bring him to a bar to cheer him up. He’s still sitting at the bar, looking gloomy and not saying much. One of his pals suggests he approach a lovely girl who appears to be alone at the bar.
“No, she’ll never go for a man with a wooden eye,” the man says.
“Okay, how about that girl over there?” His friend responds. “She has a really big nose”.
The man walks over to the girl and asks, “Would you like to dance?”
Very excited, and shocked, to be asked to dance by such an attractive man, the woman responds, “Would, I?! Would I?!”
To which the man quickly responds “Big nose! Big nose!”

Did you hear about the man who used to suffer from depression but kept working hard, was persistent, and never gave up?
He now suffers from anxiety and depression.

What happens when the president turns emo?
The great depression.

Recommended: Emo Jokes

What did one depressed saggy boob say to the other?
“We better get some support before people think we’re nuts!”

Why was Santa’s helper depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.

What’s the difference between math and meth?
Meth is a stimulant, and math is a depressant.

Did you hear about the depressed French chef?
He’d lost the huile d’olive.

What’s the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won’t cut itself.

Did you hear that the garbage man looks sad?
Yeah, he’s wheelie bin depressed.

What’s white and falls from the sky?
Depressed Businessmen.

A depressed man went to the doctor.
The man said, “Doc, I’m having dark thoughts and I may be suicidal. What should I do?”
And the doctor said, “Pay in advance.”

Why was the archaeologist so depressed?
Because his life was in ruins.

Did you hear about the depressed ghost?
He’s going through some things.

Recommended: Ghost Jokes

Did you hear about the man who got depressed after he lost his favorite pencil sharpener?
Everything seemed pointless!

Why aren’t depressed people ever worried about flat tires?
They are always carrying despair.

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?
They spent too long processing the negatives.

What’s the most depressing place to live in America?

What’s the best vegetable to eat if you are depressed?

Did you hear about the depressed Swede?
He wished he’d never been Bjorn!

A dad was depressed, so he went to the liquor store.
He bought some whiskey and tequila.
When he got home, he set them on the table.
His son immediately picked up both bottles.
The dad asks, “What are you doing?!”
The son responds, “You were sad, so I’m lifting your spirits.”

Why was the math book so depressing?
It had so many problems.

Why was the amputee depressed?
He was de-feeted.

Recommended: No Arms No Legs Jokes

Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?
Midlife Crisis.

Have you ever seen a depressed atom?
It’s no laughing matter.

Why is the grass depressed?
It’s forever a lawn.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

What do you call a depressing tale about a discontinued car?
A Saab Story.

Why are all mini golf players depressed?
They have no drive.

What do you call a depressed alligator?

The depressed clown, Pagliacci, visits a therapist incognito.
He spends the hour talking about his depression. Nothing seems worth it anymore. He can’t smile at all. He has no wife or girlfriend to share his life with. Children’s smiles don’t make him happy anymore. His loving little dog doesn’t make him happy. He is at the end of his rope.
Therapist: I think I have the answer. You need to laugh. Laughter can be like a magical cure-all. You need to visit the best clown in the world…
Pagliacci: But I….
Therapist: Jiggles! You need to go see Jiggles the Clown. He’s amazing! Literally the funniest man in the world. He can make anyone happy.
Pagliacci: But….
Therapist: “Whatever you do, don’t go to Pagliacci. That clown sucks. He couldn’t make a stoner laugh.
Pagliacci: …
Therapist: Absolute shit clown.

Do you know why there are no letter-D-shaped buttons?
It would be really depressing.

Why was the tallest man in the world must be depressed?
He has no one to look up to.

Recommended: Tall People Jokes

What’s big, Scottish, and depressing?

What holds a depressed person together?
A rope.

Why do depressed people look down when they walk?
Nothing to look forward to.

What did the depressed extrovert say when he was invited out?
“I’m always down.”

Where do you have to pay for depression while it’s free elsewhere?

Why was the waiter depressed?
He had trouble putting food on the table.

What did the depressed rural real estate agent do?
Sell farm.

What is the difference between depression and drugs?
Depression is a lot like the meaning to a Beatles song. Drugs are typically the answer.

Recommended: Drug Jokes

Why was the dolphin depressed?
His life had no porpoise.

Why did the hurricane kill itself?
Because it had tropical depression.

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?
It’s a sad state of affairs.

What are some great password security questions for the depressed?
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife’s newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?

Why did the Astronaut fall into depression?
Because he wasn’t happy in the closed ‘space.’

Did you hear about the depressed light switch?
It couldn’t go on.

How do psychology majors get depression?
Like dude, just look at your notes.

What is the difference between an economic recession and an economic depression?
One is when your neighbor loses their job, the other is when you also lose yours.

Recommended: Recession Jokes

What is it called when everything in your spice cabinet is sad?
Seasonal Depression.

How do depressed frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.

What did the depressed pickle say to himself?
“I can’t dill with this anymore…”

What’s a depressed cheese?
Blue Cheese.

How does a depressed elephant feel?

A stunning woman was depressed and contemplated suicide.
She goes to a local highway overpass and jumps 100 feet into a ravine. A nasty and repulsive homeless man approaches her before she can scale the barrier and asks, “Hey, what are you doing?!” The lovely lady said, “I’m going to commit suicide. This life is no longer worth living.” The homeless man is perplexed as to why she would do this, and he thinks he must assist. “Well, ma’am, if you’re going to die anyhow, how about a quickie?” says the concerned hobo. The woman, enraged, lashes out. “With you? You’re disgusting. No way!”
The seemingly unphased derelict shrugs his shoulders and replies, “Ok, I’ll see you at the bottom.” And walks away.
That homeless man saved that woman’s life that day.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.

Recommended: Lesbian Jokes

What does someone with depression and a necrophile have in common?
They both feel like fcuking corpses.

Why was the calendar depressed?
His days were numbered.

What do you call a depressed ship?
A woe-boat.

How do you make an elevator sad?
By depressing all of its buttons.

What do you call a group of sad journalists?

Why was Uranus depressed?
Because it has been dealing with shit for years.

Why was the deer depressed?
Because it was in a rut.

Why are anarchists depressed?
They discovered they have a centralized nervous system.

What kind of music do depressed ostriches listen to?

What do you call a depressed weapon of mass destruction?
Gloomsday device.

Recommended: Dark Humor Jokes

Why did 10 have PTSD and depression?
Because it was in the middle of 9 11.

What do you call a depressed tick from Rome?
A hopeless Roman tick.

What do you call a depressed Christmas tree?
A sad sap.

Why was the foyer depressed?
It had the vestiblues.

What emotion does a cantaloupe with depression feel?

What do you call a depressed traffic jam?
Bummer to bummer traffic.

What does a crow do when it’s depressed?

Why was the mortgage depressed?
Because it was a loan.

Recommended: Suicide Jokes

What does a depressed person ride?
A saddle.

Have you heard of the depressed biologist?
He was exo-laughing, but endocrine.

Why do depressed people give the best head?
Because they don’t care about breathing anymore.

Do you have a dark depression joke? Post your own depression puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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