75 Funny Pervert Jokes For Dirty-Minded Pervs Like You

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Jessica Amlee

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If you’re a fan of cheeky humor and love to push the boundaries of comedic entertainment, you’ve come to the right place. Our collection of pervert jokes will leave you blushing and laughing out loud, as we explore the naughty side of comedy. From risqué puns to outrageous gags, these jokes are sure to add a touch of spice to your conversations and liven up any adult gathering. But be warned, these jokes are not for the faint of heart or easily offended!

As you delve into the world of perverted humor, remember to always consider your audience, and navigate the delicate balance between humor and offense. Pervs can make others feel uncomfortable due to their overtly sexual or inappropriate behavior. Making fun of them can be a way for people to cope with this discomfort. So, let’s unleash our wild side and indulge in the guilty pleasure of pervert jokes!

Dirty Pervert Jokes

How do you lure a pervert?
Just write a list of perv jokes.

What did Medusa tell the perv before she turned him into stone?
“My eyes are up here.”

What gets long when you jerk it, fits between boobs, slide in a hole, and loves to be pulled?
A seat belt you pervert!

What does a perverted ghost say?

What do a subway perv and the person they’re staring at have in common?
They’re both thinking, “I really want to get off right now.”

What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb?
One. But it takes the whole emergency room to remove it.

What does a perverted frog say?

How did the pervert find the sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.

Did you hear about the man who got fired from his job for being a pervert?
He still doesn’t understand why, he’s always hard at work.

What do you get when you cross a pervert with a pirate?

3 nuns are flashed by a pervert in a trench coat
2 of them had a stroke. The other one didn’t want to touch it.

Why do pervs go to idaho?
To eye da hoe.

Apparently, 3 out of 5 Americans live next to some sort of sexual pervert.
Not me, I live next to a sexy senior citizen with a prosthetic leg!

A husband and wife suspected this perverted old man who lived down the road was watching them have sex through a telescope.
Enough was enough, so the husband decided to set a trap for him.
That bastard saw him coming from a mile away.

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Just caught a disgusting pervert on the bus.
He was watching pornography over my shoulder.

Why’d the pervert get banned from the board game shop?
No f*cking clue!

Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed of!
Unless your fetish is being humiliated, then you should feel ashamed you nasty little pervert.

What did the pervert say when he was kicked out of the public pool?
“I was only practicing my breast stroke!”

A man was in an age gap relationship.
He was 40, she was 19.
Anyway, they went out for a meal, and as soon as they walked into the restaurant people shot him dirty looks, then the whispering started “nonce”, “pervert”, “paedo.”
His girlfriend got upset and they left.
Completely spoilt their 10th anniversary.

Do you know that nowadays there are too many perverts in the park?
A man was sat there earlier and everyone kept staring at his erection.

What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
A thief snatches your watch, a pervert watches your snatch.

Why did the perv leave?
Because he came.

Why did the pervert get a sex change?
Because the Genie was confused when he asked for “A little pu$$y!”

Why’d the pervert cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

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Did you hear about the man who asked 100 women what bodywash did they prefer?
99 said, “Get the f*ck out of my shower you pervert!”

What is six inches long, fits in your mouth, and is more fun when it vibrates?
A toothbrush, you perverts.

Where does the pervert keep the underwear he steals?
In his briefcase!

What do you call 100 perverts in a park?
A Flash Mob!

A recently divorced man was upset since his wife had dumped him because he was too kinky in bed for her. He went to the neighborhood tavern to drink his blues away. He observed a gorgeous lady at the opposite end of the pub who was likewise depressed while sitting at the bar. He decided to go talk to her. She, too, had recently divorced, much to his astonishment. Her husband had abandoned her because she was too kinky in bed. They take a few beers and return to her house for some kinky sex, thinking it was a match made in heaven.
When they walk in, she tells him to relax because she is going to change into something “more comfortable.” After a few moments, she emerges dressed in tight black leather, nipple clamps, a ball gag, whips, and chains. He’s put on his coat and is preparing to step out the door.
“I thought we were going to have some kinky sex?” she exclaimed.
“Well,” he replied, “I just f#cked your cat and shit in your purse…so I guess I’m done.”

Isn’t it a double standard that when Spiderman produces a white sticky substance it’s “cool?”
And when Little Johnny produces a white sticky substance he is considered a “massive pervert”?!!

Why do meteors think humans are perverts?
Because we watch meteor showers.

Why did the pervert take a telescope into the bathroom?
Because he wanted to see Uranus.

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What’s a pervert’s favorite train stop?

What do vegans and perverts have in common?
They love to see a chick pea.

Did you hear about the perverted statistician?
Standard deviation wasn’t enough for him anymore.

What do the Japanese call a pervert uncle?

A pervert and a jerk are having a walk in the forest when suddenly a fairy appears and offers 3 wishes to each one.
The pervert has the first turn, and he wishes for the whole forest to be filled with women only for him. His wish is done, the forest is full of women.
It’s the jerk’s turn, and he wishes for a helmet. “Ok”, the fairy says and gives him a helmet.
It’s the pervert’s turn, and he wishes for the whole country to be filled with hot women only for him. His wish is done.
It’s the jerk’s turn again, and he wishes for a motorcycle. The fairy gives one to him.
It’s the pervert’s last turn, and he wishes for the whole world to be full of hot women only for him. His wish is done.
Now it’s the jerk’s 3rd and final wish. The jerk smiles and says: “I wish this guy was permanently impotent.”, as he went on full speed in the motorcycle.

What do Sith and fruit perverts have in common?
They both come in pairs.

What’s a pervert’s favorite game?

Why did the pervert move to Switzerland?
Because he likes to watch.

Why are hotel receptionists such massive perverts?
They spend all day checking people out.

What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
“Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?”

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What does a perverted horologist do for fun?
They watch.

Where does a pervert keep his light bulbs?
In his bulb sack.

What did the perverted scientist say to his colleague?
“If you need me, I’ll be in my Lab.”

A blonde is really annoyed because a pervert keeps peeping through the keyhole while she’s in the bathroom. One day she has a brilliant idea though.
So the next day the pervert sees the blonde going to the bathroom, as the pervert approaches the bathroom he notices something odd. The door isn’t there anymore and he can see the blonde completely naked changing her clothes.
The blonde laughs at the pervert and says, “Can’t peep through the keyhole anymore!”

What satisfies a pervert as well as an ornithologist?
A pair of great t*ts.

Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of water?
2 gals 1 cup.

Which occupation is the most perverted?
Electrician as they’re always looking for strippers.

What did one step say to the perverted step?
“Please, stop stairing!”

Why are birds so perverted?
They prefer to hang around seedy places.

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Why are sneaky perverts so lazy?
They always beat around the bush.

What did the pervert do during the snowstorm?
He started plowing the roads.

On a hot summer day, a group of girls decide to skip class and go swimming. Instead of the more popular areas, the buddies opt for a quiet tiny pond on the lake’s far side. Although it is privately owned, they are unlikely to be discovered there.
When the young ladies get to the pond, they realize they don’t have bathing suits…so skinny dipping it is. They’re all girls, so whatever.
So they’re in the water, swimming, splashing, and giggling like only teen girls can when they see an old man appear from the woods with a shitload of equipment and a camera. The girls shout at the man, “You f*cking pervert!” as they go deeper into the pond, hoping the murky water will cover their nubile bodies.
“Get the f*ck out of here!”
“Don’t you dare take pictures of us, you filthy perv!”
With a smirk on his face, the man calmly replies, “I’m not interested in you, I’m here to photograph the crocodiles.”

What’s a perverted dentist’s favorite part of an appointment?
The cavity search.

Why do perverts love Pokemon?
Because they can catch a Pikachu.

Who does the Pervert fear?
A Convert.

What do you call a conductor, who masturbates in a bus?

What does a perverted monster do?
It swallows kids.

What do zombie perverts seek out in rest stop bathrooms?
Gory holes.

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This guy goes to a psychiatrist.
The doctor shows him an inkblot and asks him what it looks like. 

“A naked woman.” He shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question.

”A naked woman on a bed.”
Yet another blot, “Naked woman spreading her cheeks.” This continues for a while.

“You’re a sick pervert!” the psychiatrist exclaims. 
”I’m not the pervert. You keep showing me all these filthy pictures!”

What does a perverted vampire say?
“I vant to suck your toes.”

What did the pervert get for his birthday?
A Stopwatch!

What do you call a pervert in the army?
Private Browsing.

Did you hear the one about the perverted prison guard?
He got off on good behavior.

Why did the pervert buy the all dressed chips?
To see it all naked.

Do you know that women that breastfeed in public are so miserable?
They never smile when I take their picture.

A desperate pervert walks into a brothel.
The brothel owner says “Sorry, none of our hookers are available today.”
The pervert says “I’m so horny, I’ll take anything I can get!” The brothel owner says “Okay, I’ve got something for you.”
The brothel owner leads him to a room. On the wall is a large mirror and in the center of the room is an ostrich. At first, the pervert is hesitant but after a few minutes, he is overcome with lust and makes love to the ostrich.
One year later, the pervert returns to the brothel. The brothel owner says “None of our hookers are available today and I no longer own the ostrich.” The pervert says “I’m so horny, I’ll take anything I can get!”
The brothel owner leads the pervert into a room. In the room are some chairs and a window. On the other side of the window are 5 midgets g@ng banging an eight-hundred-pound woman.
The pervert sits down and watches. After a while, another man enters the room and sits down next to the pervert. The pervert leans over and says “I might be a pervert but I gotta admit this is the most f*cked up thing I’ve ever seen.”
The other man responds, “This isn’t even close to the most f*cked up thing I’ve ever seen. Believe it or not, last year I watched some guy f*ck an ostrich!”

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Why did the pervert love getting his height checked?
Because they measured him using feet.

What did the blind pervert say when he walked into a fish store?
“Hello ladies!”

What is a pervert’s favorite time of day?
Masturbeight o’clock.

What is the difference between erotic and perverted?
Tickel a woman’s vulva with a feather and you are an erotic. Jam the whole duck in, and you are a pervert.

Do you have another pervert joke? Post your dirty jokes about perverts in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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