Summer is that time of year when the sun turns up the heat, ice cream becomes a food group, and air conditioners work harder than students during finals. It’s also when people need a good laugh to survive the endless sweat and mosquito attacks. That’s where Summer Jokes come to the rescue.
Nothing beats a joke about melting flip-flops or sunburns so bad they turn you into a lobster. Whether you’re stuck in traffic on the way to the beach or desperately fanning yourself with a takeout menu, a few Summer Jokes can make the heat a little more bearable.
Best Summer Jokes
What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm?
A summer.
Why do bald men always seem to do better in the summer?
Must be their time to shine.
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter.
What do polite whales say on a summer day?
“You’re whale-come!”
Did you hear that people in Minnesota are very excited this year?
Summer is forecasted to be on a weekend!
Yo mama so fat, the neighbor kids hide under her for shade in summer.
What did the father say to his son who expressed his desire to swim in an ocean this summer, any ocean?
He told him to be more Pacific.
Why don’t fish play football during summer?
Maybe because they are scared of nets.
Why are crab kids not good at sharing how they spent their summer vacation?
Because they are shellfish.
Where do fish sleep in the summer?
On the seabed.
Recommended: Adult Summer Jokes
Who always had a perfect fall after a terrible summer?
Humpty Dumpty.
What’s the secret to Jesus’ summer beach body?
Cross fit.
What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
A scientist was walking on the street during a hot summer day.
“Damn, it’s hot” he complained.
“Tell me about it” said the Sun above.
The scientist was surprised.
“Wow! Sound propagation through space!”
Did you hear about a local police station that developed a mosquito problem during the summer?
They deployed the swat team.
Why do they call it summer school?
Cause it’s sum-more school.
What was the almond tree up to all summer?
Nuttin’.
What’s the easiest way to lose 20 pounds?
The Steam summer sale.
Who changes the season when Summer is over?
No one, it happens Autumnatically.
Recommended: Camping Jokes
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
School.
(School who?)
School enough out here to go camping!
Why can elephants swim whenever they want during summer?
Cause they have trunks with them, always.
Why do heart patients don’t like to swim during summer?
They are worried about strokes.
What does the abominable snowman ride in the summer?
A bicicle!
Why go on the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ ride if you’re at Disney in the summer?
For the Arrr conditioning!
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best.
The winter said, “Well you can build snowmen, and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!”
The spring said, “Well sure but come springtime everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can’t get much better than that!”
The summer said, “Yes but I am undoubtably the overall best season, girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can’t top that. What about you autumn what do you have to offer?”
Autumn: * leaves *
What should you be aware of thieves take a dip at the beach?
They start a crime wave.
What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the South?
A bi-polar bear.
Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?
He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.
What’s Irish and stays out all summer?
Paddy O’furniture.
Why shouldn’t you use snow tires in the summer?
They would melt.
The president of a fledgling East Asian democracy visits a grade school.
The principal meets him at the gate and begs, “Sir, the summers are so hot my students are falling over in class, please we need something to give the children air.”
The president looked mildly concerned and said to his aide, “Implement a new policy or something, make the parents pay more tuition and get ceiling fans installed in schools.”
The next stop on his itinerary is a state prison. The warden is at the door. “Sir, the summers are so hot the prisoners are having heatstrokes even in their cells, we need to do something.”
The president was aghast. “Aide, take money out of the treasury and have air conditioning installed in every cell, in fact build them a pool so they can have nice swims during their exercise hours, come on people these are our fellow human beings!”
Later back in the presidential palace, the aide found the courage to speak his mind. “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice you seemed much more concerned about the condition of the prison than the grade school.”
The president said, “After my term is over, where do you think I’m more likely to end up?”
I love summer in the UK.
My favorite day of the year.
Why should you team up with octopuses during High School Summer Volleyball camps?
They are well-armed.
Recommended: Last Day of School Jokes
Why do so many people invite ice cream to summer parties?
Because it’s cool.
During summers, who keeps the ocean clean?
Mermaids of course.
What do vampires eat at late summer cookouts?
Corn on the cobwebs.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Harry.
(Harry who?)
Harry up, we are getting late for the shuttle bus to camp.
During the summer, how do swimmers keep themselves clean?
They wash up on shore.
What do Clams do on a summer vacation?
They shell-ebrate.
In the summer, what sort of fish blends nicely with ice cream?
A Jellyfish.
Where do sharks spend their summer camp?
Finland.
On a summer afternoon, what do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Why don’t oysters give to Summer Fundraising events?
Because they are shellfish.
Recommended: Summer Memes
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Noah.
(Noah who?)
Noah good spot at the beach?
Where do ghosts go on a summer vacation?
The Dead Sea.
Why the ocean is the most welcoming body of water during summer?
They always wave when they see you.
Where do unvaccinated kids go for summer camp?
Cemeteries.
Why are most of the beaches can’t take a summer joke?
Because it’s too salty.
What type of sense of humor do people who don’t like to swim in summer?
Dry sense of humor.
Why can’t blind people eat fish during Summer beach days?
Because it’s see-food.
A guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer afternoon. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for dinner.
The wife was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me about dinner right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out for yourself.”
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where’s mine??”
“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”
Why are clowns not afraid of sharks while vacationing on Florida beaches?
Because they taste funny.
It’s so hot this summer, the Halloween candy at Walmart is starting to melt.
Recommended: It’s So Hot Jokes
It’s so hot this summer, I even saw garlic,
Taking it’s cloves off.
What is the most fun summer activity for Orcas?
They tried to plan but couldn’t think of anything Pacific.
Why do mummies hate summertime?
Because they are terrified of unwinding and relaxing.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Annie.
(Annie who?)
Annie way you can join us on our summer trip.
Where do Chinese mathematicians go on summer vacation?
Tiananmen Square.
Why don’t Mexicans like high vacation spots?
They have vertaco.
How do you spot a mom on summer beach?
For her going on vacation feels like work.
What is the most asked question by people looking to get a summer body?
“Can fat people go skinny dipping?”
What is the top Summer Holiday Destination for cows?
The Milky Way.
Where do cats go on summer vacations?
They visit meow-seum.
Recommended: Hot Weather Jokes
Why do short people go to the beach on summer vacation?
To build their home – sandcastles.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Needle.
(Needle who?)
Needle little help right now with my summer dress!
What is the best spot for pirates on a summer evening?
Sand-bar.
What places do dentists sail during summer?
Down the root canal.
Teacher: A child has ten cents, two dollars, and seven cents left. How much money does he have for this summer?
Student: Clearly, there is a money problem.
In the Caribbean, a lawyer and an engineer were holidaying and fishing.
“I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was lost by the fire,” the lawyer explained. “Everything was paid for by the insurance company, and I’m using some of the money for this summer trip.”
“What a coincidence,” the engineer observed. “I’m here because an earthquake damaged my house and all of my stuff, and my insurance company covered everything.”
The lawyer was perplexed, “How do you start an earthquake?”
Which state in the United States do horses prefer for summer break?
Neighbraska.
I informed my doctor that I had fractured my arm in two places.
She advised me to avoid summer trips to those places.
When oysters go on vacation, how do they talk with their friends?
They use shellphones.
What do monsters turn on in the summer?
A scare conditioner.
Recommended: Air Conditioning Jokes
What did Helen Keller miss the most during summer vacations?
Sea.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Ketchup.
(Ketchup who?)
Ketchup with me and I’ll tell you all about what I did this summer!
Where do pepperonis spend their summer vacations?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What game does a sheep play on vacations?
Baa-dminton.
Why is it that everyone wants ice cream on their summer camp team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
How did the swimmer time travel to the previous summer?
By doing the backstroke.
Summer vacation is something that American teenagers look forward to.
No more studying or getting shot at until the Autumn.
Two high school drop-outs are digging a ditch in the hot summer sun and they’re complaining about it non-stop.
“Sheesh, this is hard work. I hate this job!”
“Yeah. How come we’re down here working our asses off, and the foreman is up there sitting under a shady tree with a cool drink, and making 3 times as much as us? It’s not fair!”
“That’s it! I’m sick of this! I’m gonna go ask him!”
So the guy climbs out of the ditch and goes up to the foreman under the shady tree.
“How come we’re down there working our asses off in the burning hot sun, while you sit up here under this shady tree with a cool drink?”
The foreman says, “Well, it comes down to one word: Intelligence.”
“Whaddya mean, intelligence? You calling me stupid!?”
“Well, here. Let me show you.”
So the foreman holds his hand up against the tree and says, “Punch my hand as hard as you can.”
The guy figures, now’s my chance for some payback! He winds up and swings at the foreman’s hand as hard as he can, but at the last moment, the foreman yanks his hand away. The guy nearly breaks his hand smashing it against the tree.
“See what I mean?” the foreman says. “Intelligence.”
“Alright. I get it.” And he goes back to work with his hand throbbing in pain.
His buddy in the ditch asks him, “So whad he say?”
“He said we’re slaving away down here because of intelligence!”
“Intelligence!? Is he calling us stupid!? What does he mean by that!?”
His buddy says, “Well here, let me show you.”
Seeing no tree around, he holds up his hand in front of his face. “Take your shovel and hit my hand…”
Why do vegetarians don’t join Summer Swim Team?
They don’t like the idea of swim meats.
What wears a coat in winter and pants in the summer?
A dog!
Why do lions only mate in the summer?
Because the pride cometh before the fall.
Recommended: It’s Hotter Than Jokes
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Abby.
(Abby who?)
Abby Summer to you!
Where does cantaloupe go for summer vacation?
John Cougar’s Melon Camp.
People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years.
I’m more of a glass half full kind of guy,
I’m thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!
What does YouTube wear in the summer?
YouTube shorts.
Did you hear that the blade of grass got arrested in the summer?
Because he’s about to make bale!
What do you call a snowman in the Summer?
A puddle.
Why do gymnasts never season their food in the winter?
Because they only like summer salts.
What happens when a cow goes out into a field in the summer?
It becomes pasteurized.
We visited France in the middle of summer.
So in the heat of the day, I jumped into the river.
My friends all said I was in Seine…
What is the favorite summer drink of thieves?
Heist tea.
What do bees say in the summer?
S’warm.
What does a ghost use on a hot Summer day to not get sunburn
Sunscream.
Recommended: Sunburn Jokes
What do you call a mathematician who spends all summer in the sun?
A tangent.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear in the summer?
Open toad sandals.
What color loves to go boating?
OARange.
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handywoman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch,” he said. “How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes, and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”
“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” he responded.
The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.”
A few hours later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already??” the startled husband asked.
“Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
“Thank you,” the blonde said, “And, by the way, it’s not a porch, it’s a Lexus…”
Where do admins go for summer break?
Banned camp.
What, is a librarians favorite thing to grill during the summer?
A shhhhh-kabob.
What do you call it when it snows in summer?
Rain.
Recommended: Summer Jokes for Kids
Why do castles get attacked in summer?
Knights are shorter then.
What do you call ice skating in the summer?
Swimming.
Do you have another funny summer joke? Post your own summer puns and one-liners in the comment section below.
