70 Funny Funeral Jokes Absolutely NOT for Your Eulogy

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Jessica Amlee

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Navigating through the solemn hallways of a funeral home can be a challenging experience, the quiet atmosphere often amplifying the weight of loss. However, within these hushed spaces, a soft chuckle can sometimes provide a moment of relief, reminding us of the joy and laughter our loved ones brought into our lives.

Our collection of funny funeral jokes aims to bring a touch of that joy back, if only for a fleeting moment. Even the sternest funeral director knows the power of a well-timed joke to ease the tension, to bring a smile to faces marred by grief. So, in the spirit of remembrance and the celebration of life, we invite you to explore these jokes, each one crafted to provide a comforting chuckle amidst the solemnity.

Dark Funeral Jokes

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

What did the employee whisper at the coffin of his boss’s funeral?
“Who’s thinking outside the box now, Steve?”

Yo mama so dumb, she died laughing at her own Knock Knock joke at her funeral.

Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.

Knock, knock.
(Who is there?)
Grandma wh-, Hoy Shit Stop The Funeral!

Heard about the guy who created cough drops that died last week?
There’ll be no coffin at his funeral.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
There’s one less drunk at the funeral.

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.
During the funeral, his mother walks toward the director and says, “Jesus died for your scenes.”

What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?
They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

What do you give at an egg collector’s funeral?
An oology.

Recommended: Cemetery Jokes

What did the cowboy say at the funeral?

A young boy at a funeral asked the priest for the WiFi password.
“Have some respect for the dead!” he said
The boy replied, “Is that all lower case?”

Yo mama so stupid, she farted at a funeral and blamed it on the guy in the casket.

What should you do if you are frustrated by your aunts and grannies coming up to you at weddings and saying “You’re next”?
Just do the same to them at funerals.

How did the funeral home make so much money?
They had the market coronered.

“The total cost would be £10000,” said the funeral director. “And that includes digging the grave.”
“Is that the whole thing?” asked the family of the deceased.
He replied, “Yes, that’s the hole thing.”

Isn’t it ironic how funeral directors have raised the price of funerals?
And blamed it on cost of living.

What do you call a bad funeral?
A grave mistake.

What do you call it when all your mother’s sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.

An Uber passenger asked the driver a question by tapping him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the vehicle, nearly collided with a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and came to a stop inches from a shop window. “Look, mate, don’t ever do that again,” the driver added after a brief silence in the cab. “You scared the hell out of me!” “I didn’t realize a little tap would scare you so much,” the passenger apologized.
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as an UBER driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

Do you know why you never kiss anyone at a funeral?
They always have mourning breath.

Recommended: Dark Morbid Jokes

Yo mama so fat, when they served food at her funeral, she came back to life.

What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile?
A funeral.

A man is walking through a graveyard at dawn when he sees someone crouched behind a tombstone.
“Morning!” He shouts to the squatting man
“Na mate, just having a shit,” he replied.

What happened when the inventor of air conditioning died?
Thousands of fans attended his funeral.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral”?
No? Shame, it was real fun.

What wouldn’t be nice to say at a drug addict’s funeral?
He wasn’t a quitter.

A man travels to Israel with his wife and stepmother for a vacation. His stepmother died at the hotel when he was in Israel. “Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it will cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse,” the folks there advised him. “However, because she died in the hotel, we may do the funeral here in Israel for free.”
The man declined right away, saying he would pay the $5,000 price to have the funeral done at home.
When he was in the United States, his wife went to him and said, “I really love what you just did for my mom.” That indicates to me that you truly loved and respected my mum.”
The man without skipping a beat said, “Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I’m not about to take that risk with your mother.”

Why shouldn’t you cry at a funeral for shredded cheese?
It had a grate life.

What do you call the best salesman at a funeral home?
The Top Urner.

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Yo mama smells so bad when she went to yo grandma’s funeral they tried to bury her instead of grandma.

Did you hear about the snake who started a funeral service just for couples?
Hissin’ Hearse.

A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”
“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.
“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot.”

Did you hear about the cabbage that died?
There was a big turnip at the funeral.

How did everyone know the funeral director was sick?
He was coffin pretty often.

What side should you bring to your grandma’s funeral?
Granbury sauce.

How do you hold a funeral for a serviceman with Down’s Syndrome?
Three twenty-one gun salutes.

A funeral service is being performed for a recently deceased woman. The pallbearers run into a wall as they carry the casket out.
A slight moaning can be heard from the casket. When the casket is opened, it is discovered that the woman is still alive. She survives for another eleven years before passing away.
They’re planning another funeral for her. The pallbearers carry the casket out at the end of the service.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”

What kind of hat should you wear to a funeral?
A somberero.

Why are funeral homes so reliable?
They’re the last ones to let you down.

Yo mama so stupid, when her phone died, she had a funeral for it!

What is another term for a funeral in the sky?
A baerial.

A boss asks his employee, “Do you believe that there is life after death?”
The employee replied, “Certainly not sir, there’s no proof of it.”
The boss said, “Well, there is…. after you left the office early yesterday to go to your cousin’s funeral, he came here looking for you.”

Why didn’t the night owl go to the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.

What happens when someone gets mad at a funeral?
They blow a casket.

Yo mama so ugly, she died in her sleep and had a closed casket funeral.

What’s another name for a stupid turds funeral?
A dingle-bury.

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his cappuccino when he observed an unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the local cemetery. A black hearse was followed by another black hearse approximately 50 feet behind the first. A lone Italian man walked a dog on a leash behind the second hearse. A short distance behind him, around 200 guys walked in single file.
The Jewish man couldn’t bear the attention. “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen an Italian funeral like this,” he said respectfully to the Italian man walking the dog. Who’s funeral is this?”
“My wife’s.”
”What happened to her?”
“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”
He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”
“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.”
It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood. Silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked, “Can I borrow the dog?”
The Italian man replied, “Get in line.”

What’s the worst thing one can say at piece of paper’s funeral?

What did Kermit say at his puppeteer’s funeral?

Did you hear about the funeral home that closed?
Apparently business was dead.

A man wanted to literally die with his money, so he gave a third of it to a priest, a third to a doctor, and a third to his lawyer to bury him with.
At the man’s funeral after his death, the priest murmured to his dead body and placed a bag in his coffin. The doctor then continued to whisper to the body while placing a bag inside. The lawyer then went and dropped off a suitcase before leaving.
As they were driving back from the funeral, the lawyer inquired as to what the priest had said. With tears in his eyes, the priest admitted that he had to confess that he had spent some of the money on an orphanage so that some starving children would not go hungry and that he regrets what he had done, but that he had no option. The doctor then admits that he, too, had to inform him that one of his patients required surgery that he could not perform alone and that he spent some of the money to save the person’s life. The lawyer looks at them with scorn and says, “How could you? You have betrayed a man’s last and dying request!”
The doctor and priest look at the lawyer and asks, “So your bag had all the money he entrusted you with?”
To which he replies, “Damn right, I wrote the check for the full amount, not a penny less!”

What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?
Mourn flakes.

What did the undertaker say when the car broke down at the funeral?
We should have rehearsed.

Why do people dress the same when they’re going to a funeral or wedding?
They’re mourning the loss of a friend.

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral.
She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.
He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?”
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
“Actually,” he said, “it didn’t cost anything.”
“The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So… I switched the heads.”

How do you get to the funeral home?
You take the last right.

What do you call a group of old people?
A funeral.

What do you call an Orphan at a funeral?
Batman’s family reunion.

Recommended: Orphan Jokes

What’s the worst thing to say at a funeral?
“Thanks for watching my unboxing video.”

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately requested that the property be inspected. The farmer’s mule suddenly rose up and kicked the mother-in-law while they were walking into the barn, killing her instantly.
The farmer stood near the casket during the funeral service, greeting people as they passed by. When a woman whispered something to the farmer, the pastor would nod his head “yes” and say something. When a man passed by and whispered to him, he would shake his head “no” and mumble a response.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy,’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘You wanna sell that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

What do you do at a sheep’s funeral?
Read the ewe-logy.

What do you call it when they practice driving the casket around before a funeral?
A rehearsal.

What is the worst thing you can do at a funeral?
The corpse.

A woman marries a man and they have ten children. Because the man dies, the lady remarries and has ten more children. After the next man dies, the woman remarries and has 10 more children. Because that man dies too, the lady remarries and has ten more children.
The husband dies again and finally, the woman dies as well.
At the funeral, the priest mutters, “Thank God! They’re finally together!”
A man at the funeral asks another man on his left, “Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?”
The man on his left says, “I think he means her legs.”

Why was the dyslexic kid laughing at the funeral?
They couldn’t read the room.

What’s worse than not being able to stop crying at a funeral?
If you cannot stop laughing.

What do you call a pornstar’s funeral?
A tearjerker.

3 gay men die and are cremated. Their lovers are at the funeral home and are asked what they will do with the ashes.
“My Johnny loved to fly so I’m going up in a plain and will scatter them from 30,000 feet,” the first guy says.
“My Harry loved to fish so I’m going to scatter them on the lake,” the second guy replies.
“My Jim was such a good lover,” the third guy answers, “so I think I’ll pour them in a pot of really spicy chili so he can tear my ass up one last time.”

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Do you know why the funeral business is so huge?
People are dying to get in.

Did you hear about the man who invented the dildo sadly passed away?
His funeral went just as expected. Only women came.

What things you can say during sex and at a funeral?
“Even with all of her health issues, I’m glad grandma was able to come.”

What do you call it when you get a boner at a funeral?
Mourning Wood.

What’s the worst song you could play at a funeral?
Stayin’ Alive!

Do you have another funny funeral joke? Post your own inappropriate jokes about funerals in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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