70 Funny Hitler Jokes You Cannot Share With A German

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Jessica Amlee


The dictator is one of the greatest comedians of all time. Well, he managed to roast alot people in his career. Not bad, eh? It’s crucial to understand that many people crack jokes about H*tler, but the ones on this list are controversial and can be offensive will force you to say, “This is out of mein kampfert zone.”

However, it’s important to tread carefully when dealing with topics related to atrocities and human suffering. Cracking jokes about such subjects can easily cross a line into being disrespectful or hurtful, especially towards those whose families and ancestors were directly affected by the atrocities perpetrated during German Dictator’s regime.

Best German Dictator Jokes

Do you know that as a 4-year-old, German Dictator was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest?
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

What grades did German Dictator get in art school?
Not C’s.

What did they call German Dictator when he swam?

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.
She asks him, “What is the capital of Germany?”
“Berlin,” says the boy.
“What is the capital of France?”
“Berlin,” says the boy.
“What is the capital of Russia?”
“Berlin,” says the boy.
“Good job, Adolf, you’ll do great on your test tomorrow.”

What was German Dictator’s favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.

What do German Dictator and EA have in common?
Well, they both f*cked up on Battlefront.

Yo mama so fat, they started calling her German Dictator at the strip club for all the damage she did to the Poles.

How did German Dictator keep his shoelaces from coming untied?
Little knotsies.

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.
Hitler says, “Yes.”
Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”
Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?
But he really saved the History Channel.

Do you know if you use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye?
The moment you use chemicals to remove the Polish and you’re literally German Dictator.

Recommended: Polish Jokes

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay and the other heils her bae.

Why did several of German Dictator’s Generals disappear after the war, and become animal doctors?
Because they were Veteran Aryans.

What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.

Why does German Dictator hate golf?
He always ends up stuck in a bunker.

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
“And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?”
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
“Where is Germany again, Father?”
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. “One last question, Father.”
“Has Hitler seen this map?”

Couldn’t Hitler be better with his paintings?
Too bad he didn’t believe in mixing colors.

What is German Dictator’s favorite thing to eat?
Not seafood.

What did German Dictator call his records store?
The Vinyl Solution.

Why didn’t Hitler ever say sorry?
He didn’t speak English.

Recommended: WW2 Jokes

What do you call a homeless German Dictator?
A roofless dictator.

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

How the German people could fall for German Dictator and the N*zis?
There were an awful lot of red flags.

What was Hitler’s favorite TV show?
The Amazing Race.

What’s German Dictator’s least favorite planet?

What has more brains than German Dictator?
The wall behind him.

Did you know that Adolph Hitler was secretly bald?
His closest allies reported he wore an Herr piece.

What was German Dictator’s favorite letter?
Definitely Not-Z.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hitler blew an 11 country lead,
During World War 2.

What was German Dictator’s 4 digit PIN number?

Recommended: N*zi Jokes

Why doesn’t Hitler take cabs?
He is more of an Ubermensch.

What do you call German Dictator speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.

Why did Hitler love hand sanitizer?
Because he was not a Germ man. He was Austrian.

Where was German Dictator’s bathroom?
Third door on the reich.

What is German Dictator’s favorite part of fixing a Russian computer?

The German Dictator went to a fortune teller and asked her, “On what day will I die?”
The fortune teller assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. “Why are you so sure of that?” demanded the German Dictator.
“Any day”, she replied, “on which you die will be a Jewish holiday.”

What were Hitler’s pronouns?

Why did German Dictator turn down dinner with Mother Teresa and Gandhi?
He’s not a big fan of peas and hominy.

Why did Hitler lose his driver’s license?
He was too hard on the gas.

What did baby Hitler receive when he successfully killed the insect?
A swat sticker.

What side of history WAS German Dictator on?
The Genoc*de.

Why did Hitler fail chemistry?
Because he couldn’t complete the final solution.

How does German Dictator sneeze?

A general approach Hitler.
“Sir, our mining operations are overwhelmed, we aren’t able to ship what we produce. We are simply producing far too many tons of ores!”
Hitler responds, “Just mine less.”
A grammarnazi interjects, “Mine fewer.”

What did Gordon Ramsay say to German Dictator?
“Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing f*cking diaries!”

What does Hitler say to his football team after they lost?
“No problem guys, take a shower.”

Why wasn’t German Dictator a dentist?
He kept using the wrong laughing gas.

What’s Hitler’s least favorite anime?
Jewjutsu kaisen.

Did you know German Dictator vaped?
Never hesitated to hit the jewl.

Why is everyone celebrating 4/20?
It’s Hitler’s birthday.

Hitler walks into a bar.
The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he’d like his top-notch bourbon on the house. “No thanks,” Hitler replies. “I’ll just take a screwdriver.” One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.
The next night, Hitler returned to the bar, but this time takes up the owner’s offer on the bourbon. “Even the best vodka can make a man sick if he’s had too many,” says the owner. “It wasn’t the vodka,” Hitler replies, “I blame the juice.”

What do you get when you cross German Dictator with Osama bin Laden?
Nein 11.

Recommended: 9/11 Jokes

What was Hitler’s favorite drink?
Orange jews, 100% concentrated.

What is German Dictator’s favorite music song?
Shooting Stars.

Why didn’t Hitler invade the United States?
The gas prices were too high.

What kind of waffles did German Dictator eat?

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Hitler who?)
You Know, the the most famous Jewish cook in history!

What do Epstein and German Dictator have in common?
They put those kids to work.

What do Hitler and professional rapper have in common?
They both roast their enemies.

How did German Dictator like his steak?
Extra Jewsy.

Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god.
God: You already know you’re going to hell, but before that, I’ll give you one wish.
Hitler: Alright, let me kill 10 million Jews and one Swedish man.”
God: Why the Swedish man?”
Hitler: I knew you didn’t give a f*ck about the Jews.

Why wasn’t German Dictator invited to the BBQ?
Because he always burns the franks.

Recommended: Dark Humor Jokes

What was Hitler’s favorite s*x position?
Sixty nein.

Why did German Dictator commit suic*de?
He got the gas bill.

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
“I can N*zi.”

God: Give me one reason to let you in Heaven.
Hitler: I killed Hitler.

What could the Boston Marathon bombers do that German Dictator couldn’t?
End a race.

Do you have another Hitler joke? Put down your puns about Hitler in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

7 thoughts on “70 Funny Hitler Jokes You Cannot Share With A German”

  1. No matter what you say or how you say it , There is absolutely nothing funny about Hitler . Just the mention of his name is disgusting to so many people. You need to study and understand the complete history of the h*locaust.


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