We’ve heard people ‘joke’ that a woman must be on her period because she’s acting a certain way – usually angry/upset at something they have said/done. Well not anymore. There’s a difference between a joke and a crappy comment. Now, we have some actual humor and period jokes to annoy your girlfriend or wife. Just imagine if women had apostrophes instead of periods, they’d be even more possessive and prone to contractions.
That being said, a woman’s menstrual cycle is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. After all, without them, none of us humans would exist.
Best Period Jokes
When do women in prison get their period?
At the end of their sentence.
What do you get when you cross PMS with GPS?
A crazy bitch who will find you.
A school finally decided it was ok to show their students a documentary about menstrual cycles.
It was about bloody time.
What do female potatoes use when they get their period?
What’s the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can’t gargle sand.
Have you read a book about the wonders of period sex?
It was called the Comma Sutra.
How do you know your elephant is menstruating?
Your mattress is missing.
Why are gay men grossed out by periods?
They prefer colons.
How is a woman’s period similar to your salary?
It comes once a month. Lasts between 5 to 7 days and if it doesn’t come, you’re f#cked.
What do you call a woman who masturbates whilst on her period?
What kind of bikes do girls ride?
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
What do you call a girl who is laughing during her period?
A happy cramper.
Want to hear a story of a woman who goes crazy every month?
Period. End of story.
Why did the movie studio cancel the film about menstruation?
They wanted to move away from period pieces.
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.
Did you know PMS is mentioned in the Bible?
“…and Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem.”
Young Suzy had her first period. She went to her friend Johnny because she was afraid she had done something wrong. He exclaimed, peering into her bloody underwear, “I think someone ripped your balls off.”
A period getting in the way of a good time.
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What do you call a psychic woman on her period?
A bitch who knows everything.
What’s the most common vehicle used to run men over?
The menstrual cycle.
What do you call it when a Volcano is on it’s period?
A girlfriend asked his boyfriend, “Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?”
He laughed and replied, “Don’t be silly, he gave us women.”
How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?
If she’s only wearing one sock.
Why do girls tend to make a big deal out of things when they are on their period?
Because they are ovary acting.
What would you call Edward Cullen going down on Bella during her period?
What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
A hockey player showers after three periods.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
“See you next month.”
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How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?
Why does Hockey seem like a women’s sport?
It has periods and the players wear pads.
A guy in soviet Russia goes to the town square and starts shouting out Revolution! Revolution! All of a sudden, two KGB agents come and beat the ever-living beejesus out of him. After he’s released from the hospital, he goes back to the square and starts yelling, “Menstruation! Menstruation!”
The agents show up once more and they’re visibly confused, “We thought you were a revolutionary, what is this about menstruation…?”
To which the guy calmly replies: “Revolution, menstruation, I don’t really care, I just want to see some blood being shed…”
Remember the girl who told her boyfriend that she hates being on her period?
He told her that it was better than being in a comma.
What do British women call their menstruation cycles?
“A bloody mess!”
Why do women have periods?
Because they can’t be questioned.
What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.
Did you hear about the woman that was menstruating on Broadway?
She received a standing ovulation!
Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled during her period?
They say she has a mean flow.
Do you know why they call them Menstrual cramps?
Because when a woman gets ‘em, all the men know it’s time to take a stroll.
What is the only thing stopping a “bundle of joy”?
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Why was a used tampon on display at the museum?
It was a period piece.
Do you know that a popular streaming platform is making a TV series about the struggles of menstruating women over the years?
It is a period drama.
What’s the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red for free.
What do you call it when the ovaries are crying in the restroom?
A menstrual breakdown.
How do you know the bartender lady is mad at you?
There is a string in your bloody marry.
What does Ron weasely call periods?
Why didn’t Gandalf miss his period?
A wizard is never late.
Have you heard about people covering themselves in blood for Halloween?
Where did the angsty teenager go when she got her period?
What do Amish girls and hockey players have in common?
They both take a shower after 3 periods.
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Where do female chemists meet when they’re menstruating?
The periodic table.
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Did you hear about the kid that didn’t know what a period was?
Boy, was his face red.
What do you call it when a woman is on her period and her boyfriend is a vampire?
How do you know when a princess is on her period?
Her tampon comes out blue.
What did the vampire say to the teacher?
“See you next period.”
How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
IT JUST DOES, OK!?!?
Why is it called MENstruation when it has nothing to do with MEN?
That’s a bloody good question.
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Why don’t Jewish girls study on their period?
How do you have sex with a girlfriend when she’s on her period?
You gotta pull a few strings.
Do you have a funny joke about periods? Put your menstrual puns and one-liners in the comment section!
why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a light bulb?
IT JUST DOES, OK ?