Rain lashes your city continuously, providing much-needed relief from the extreme weather conditions that had prevailed in recent days. While most of the time people welcome the rain, some have to wade through heavy rains under umbrellas and in raincoats. In such instances, people are busy cracking rain jokes to share the joy and some find solace through relatable puns as their plans get ruined owing to the seasonal showers.
Jokes are bound to follow with so many people stranded in their homes without internet access. If these aren’t enough, you can move to Flood Jokes for more.
Best Rain Jokes
Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
When does it rain money?
When there’s a change in the weather.
What do you call a pile of coins in the rain?
What’s the difference between rain and a shower?
Cotton Farmer: Thank god, finally, some rain.
Cotton Candy Farmer: [running toward his fields] Oh shit!!! Oh fcuk no no no no no!
What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why don’t ghosts walk outside when it rains?
It dampens their spirits.
What do you call an owl’s kid in the rain?
A moist owlette.
How do you know rain doesn’t fall?
When it begins to rain, two blondes are leaving a bar. The first blonde realises she has left the keys in the car and attempts to pick the lock.
After a few minutes of attempting to open the door, the second blonde panics and exclaims, “Please hurry! It’s pouring cats and dogs outside, and the convertable top is down!”
Recommended: Rain Memes
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Why do you hope that the rain keeps up?
That way it won’t keep coming down.
What should you do if you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain?
Getting drunk in the shower would save a lot of time.
Why there is nothing ironic about rain on your wedding day?
It’s normal for a couple to have a bridal shower.
How are rain and reign similar?
Before they end, both fall and cause a huge mess.
Everyone enjoys the smell of rain. So clean and fresh. However, you cannot smell rain. What you smell is the universe around you.
Humans used to have to hunt for their food back in the day. If you were tracking a deer and it began to rain, you could easily lose the scent. As a result, humans have evolved to smell better in the rain.
And that is why your farts smell worse in the shower.
How do you wash a waterproof rain jacket?
Dry clean it.
In Seattle, what do you call two consecutive days of rain?
How do witches fly when it rains?
With a mop.
Why do mother kangaroos hate the rain?
Because the kids have to play inside.
Recommended: Rainbow Jokes
A little town began to experience heavy rain. Residents were ordered to leave since it was suspected that the rain would not stop and that floods were imminent.
One man would not leave. As the rain began to fall heavily, a van drew up in front of the house, and emergency authorities advised the man to vacate. The man declined.
He declared, “God will save me.”
As water levels rose, the man was forced to flee to the second storey of his house. A boat approached his window, and emergency authorities once again advised him to escape. Once again, the man declined.
“God will save me,” he declared.
As the day turned to night, the water levels rose even higher. This time, the man sought safety on his roof. A helicopter would fly overhead, and rescue crews would drop a message urging the man to evacuate. Nonetheless, the man refused.
He claimed, “God will save me.”
Unfortunately, the man drowned in the water.
Man found himself in the afterlife passing through the gates of heaven and in the presence of God. The guy raised his eyes to God and inquired, “Why didn’t you save me, God? Was my faith insufficient?”
God lowered his gaze to the man and stated, “I provided a vehicle, a boat, and a helicopter to you. What else do you expect from me?”
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
“Give it to me!” she screamed, “I’m so fucking wet, give it to me now!”
She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.
Man, it was really raining cats and dogs today.
Sure hope I don’t step into a poodle.
What does a ghost wear on a rainy day?
Why does it always seem to rain on Valentine’s Day?
So the boys are as wet as everyone else, come evening.
In rainy weather, a grandfather and his young grandson went for a walk. They come across an earthworm that has just crept out of its hole on the ground.
“I’ll give you $10 if you can figure out how to get that worm back in its hole.”
After a brief moment of thought, the child tells his grandfather that he will return shortly.
He returns a few minutes later with a can of hair spray, stretches the worm out nice and straight, and then plinks him straight down the hole he came out of.
The grandfather is blown away!
“You’re a bright kid!” I’ll pay you your money the next day.”
The following morning, the grandkid arrives for breakfast to find $50 cash beneath his plate.
“But Grandpa, the bet was only $10!”
“I understand… the rest comes from your grandmother.”
Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?
Because the sun just came out.
Recommended: Gay Jokes
Why are there no vampires in Africa?
Because they blessed the rains down in Africa.
What happens to people who have a rain fetish?
It gets them really wet.
Why does Snoop Dog wear a rain jacket?
Why does it never rain on Christmas Day?
Because it would rain deer otherwise.
While her husband was at work, the wife was having an affair.
She was in bed with her boyfriend one wet and lustful day when she heard her husband’s car arrive in the driveway. “Oh my God! Please hurry!” Gather your belongings and hop out the window. “My husband has arrived home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window since it’s raining outside!”
“If my husband finds us here, he’ll kill us both!” she exclaimed. He’s a hothead with a rifle, so the rain is the least of your worries!”
So the lover leaps from bed takes his clothes, and leaps out the window!
He quickly realised he had raced right into the centre of the town’s annual marathon as he went down the street in the pouring rain, so he began racing with the others, perhaps 500 of them.
He tried to blend in as much as he could while naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm. After a few moments, a small group of runners who had been watching him with interest jogged closer.
“Do you always run naked?” one person inquired.
“Oh, yes!” he exclaimed, panting for oxygen. “It feels fantastically liberating!”
Another runner approached. “Do you always run with your clothes under your arm?”
Oh, certainly,” the nude man responded quickly. “That way, I can get dressed directly after the run and get into my car to go home!
Then a third runner lowered his gaze and inquired, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Nope, just when it’s raining,” replied the man.
What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
What is the problem with turning on your headlights if it is raining in Sweden?
How is one supposed to know if it is raining in Sweden?
How can one’s life completely change after learning morse code?
One cannot fall asleep because the rain kept telling “to go fcuk yourself.”
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
Why doesn’t Putin visit the Queen?
He can’t handle UK rain.
What happened when a new stand-up comedian entered the pun competition?
It beat the raining champion.
A man saw a dwarf waiting for a bus in the rain.
“Jump in,” Jamie said, “I’ll give you a ride home.”
“Fuck off!” he yelled back.
Jamie thought to himself, ‘What an ungrateful bastard,’ as he zipped up his backpack and continued walking.
Recommended: Short People Jokes
What’s the worst part about being short?
You’re the last one to know when it rains.
What do call it when you store data in the cloud and it rains?
A data leak.
Why don’t owls date in the rain?
Because it’s too wet to woo.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king?
It rained for years.
A husband and wife were talking about water shortage.
The wife said, “ Why don’t we dig a hole outside to collect rainwater?”
The husband replied, “I think you mean well.”
Recommended: Storm Jokes
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecasted?
It’s the clam before the storm.
In a public restroom, there was a father and his little son using the urinal.
After the father did his business, he let out a loud fart.
His son was taken aback and questioned, “What was that?!’, to which his father replied smugly, “Can’t have rain without thunder!”
How do meteorologists get paid?
What kind of snakes do Germans love in the rain?
What happens when two rain drops fall in love?
They become rain-beaus.
When it began to rain, two nurses were smoking.
The first nurse out a condom slices off the end, and slides it over her cigarette, continuing to smoke.
The second nurse notes that it keeps the first nurse’s cigarette dry and inquires, “Where’d you get it?”
“From the pharmacy,” the first nurse said.
So the second nurse goes down to the pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms from the clerk.
“What size do you require?” inquired the clerk.
The nurse replied, “Large enough to fit a Camel.”
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Did you hear about the computer that set fire to the rain?
Heard it was A Dell.
What do you call a Wednesday with no rain?
A dry hump day!
Recommended: Hump Day Jokes
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel slight precipitation. “I think it’s raining,” says the man.
“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.
“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man.
“Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to make dew!”
What can you say about a strange disease due to which one cannot experience pain unless it is raining?
You could say it felt a bit under the weather.
Did you hear about the explosion at the Nissan factory?
It was raining Datsun cogs.
A man is driving in the rain at night.
The car then abruptly stopped working. The man becomes concerned as he notices something emerging from the woods next to the highway.
He then hears a knock on the door. There is a German shepherd dog.
“Open the hood,” the dog says. The man remains motionless.
“Open the hood,” the dog says again. The man pulls it open.
The dog begins working on the engine and then says, “Start the car.” The man makes an attempt, but nothing happens.
The dog works on the engine once more before asking the man to start the car, which starts right away.
The dog simply walked out and into the trees alongside the road.
Baffled, the man begins driving and stops at a gas station a few miles away, telling the clerk, “Man, you’re not going to believe this, but I have to tell you.”
“I was driving when my car broke down, and a huge German shepherd came over and mended it.”
“Man, you have no idea how lucky you are,” the attendant continues, making a terrifying look.
“Why?” inquires the man.
“That dog is a tire repairman, not a car mechanic.”
What does it mean if the weatherman says “it’s a 50% chance of rain?”
It means it has no idea if it’s going to rain or not.
How does water greet royalty?
It rain bows.
How many canopies are needed to shelter a Jedi from the rain?
Only one canopy.
Three ants seek refuge from the rain in someone’s bathroom.
“I’m going to sleep in the sink,” says the first ant. “I’ll sleep in the tub,” says the second ant. “I’ll get the finest sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!” declares the third ant.
The three ants rise the next morning. “I slept great last night!” exclaims the first ant. “I also had a nice sleep!” says the second ant.
The third ant says,“ I hardly slept at all! It rained, thundered, and a log fell on my head!”
What do you call a cow riding a motorcycle in the rain?
Recommended: Hurricane Jokes
When will the rain stop falling?
When it hits the ground.
What do bugs who live near a recycling facility use to take shelter from the rain?
Can o’ peas.
This drunkard on the side of the road notices this fellow across the street. When the guy sees a pretty girl coming by, he approaches her and whispers something in her ear, and she either walks away smiling or goes into the bushes with him for about 20 minutes.
After a number of occasions, the drunkard has had enough and goes across to ask the guy what’s going on. “Whenever I see a good-looking girl, I lean in and whisper in her ear, ‘Tickle your c*nt with a feather,'” Whitey responds. “If she enjoys it, we’ll go. If she becomes irritated and demands an explanation, I simply respond, ‘Typical Country Weather,’ and she walks away smiling.” “Fuck that’s easy, I can do that,” the Indian said.
So off he went until he saw a beautiful girl, he walked up to her and said, “Scratch your c*nt with a stick?” “WHAT?!” she yelled.
He replied, “Looks like rain…”
What does an artist do when it’s raining outside?
It draws the curtains closed.
Did you know rain helped settle North America?
Rain brings April showers. April showers bring May flowers. The mayflower brings the pilgrims.
Why didn’t the rain clouds show up for the marching band?
They didn’t want to rain on their parade.
How do you communicate with a blind person in the rain?
You use an um-Braille.
Recommended: Blind Jokes
Outside O’Connor’s Irish Pub, it was pouring. An old Irishman stood in front of a large puddle outside the pub, soaked and carrying a stick with a bit of string dangling in the water. A bystander approached him and inquired, “What exactly are you doing? “Fishing,” said the old man. “Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me,” the man adds, feeling sorry for the elderly man.
As they sip their whiskey in the pleasant ambience of the pub, the guy, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot help but remark, “So, how many did you catch today?”
“You’re the eighth,” said the old man.
What happens when a Buddhist dies of a car crash in the rain?
Rain car nation.
How is rain similar to a vagina?
When it’s wet, It’s time to go inside.
What do Spaniards say when they want brown rain to fall from the sky?
What do you call a Mexican witch caught in the rain?
The weather forecast for today is overcast with a 100% chance of rain puns. While you are not here for the rain, but definitely here for the above jokes. Hope you liked them.